I know a woman who has lived more than 30 years after a diagnosis of estrogen-negative breast cancer. When I asked her recently if she still worried about it returning, she said, “Not really.” I love that the fear eventually goes away, but I hope it is far sooner than 30 years, as by then I will be 90 and, at the rate I am going, I will no doubt have already forgotten just about everything.
Now, though, the concern remains. It’s not a constant worry, not something I jump to immediately. I do not live a paranoid existence, waiting for the next health shoe to drop. But occasionally, when I have a minor issue, two and two adds up to cancer in my crazy mind.
I have a history of stomach ulcers, which I usually can control with diet. It has been almost eight years since they bothered me. Lately, though, I have ignored my usual healthy eating and have been having too much Diet Coke, fried foods, and coffee.
So my stomach has been hurting. I self-medicate — antacids, aloe vera juice, lots of water. And, of course, no Diet Coke, fried foods, and coffee. And I am fine.
But it was a long winter and I ended up with a nasty cold that did not go away, so I resorted to the comfort of Alka Seltzer Plus, which clears up my head marvelously. It also contains aspirin, which is a sin against ulcers.
So this past week, I was awakened at night with the stomach pain. Pain that kept me up. I’d had a martini and knew my stomach could not handle it.
But I worried that I had stomach cancer. Before I had breast cancer, I never jumped to that conclusion. I knew it was my ulcers acting up and I dealt with it. If I needed stronger medicine, I got it.
This time I decided to go to the doctor for peace of mind. He, however, also did not like the idea of stomach pain waking me up, so he ordered an endoscopy. “I do not think I am going to find anything, but I would feel better if we checked you out,” he said.
He also raised the specter of stomach cancer, something he has not mentioned in the nearly 20 years I have been going to him. But there was the big red flag was on my chart: breast cancer. Breast cancer once means the possibility some other cancer eventually. Of course, I always had the risk of cancer in my future, but it did not seem all that real. I was happily oblivious to that possibility.
And I am now told by doctor after doctor that my risk is elevated. I am at code orange, always open to a full-body search, that happy oblivion gone.
And so, despite my reluctance to have unnecessary tests, despite fairly conclusive evidence that this was all related to stomach ulcers, I had the endoscopy.
I am fine. My stomach was simply irritated. The doctor took a biopsy and, even though results are not back, he says he is confident it is not cancer. The stomach looks and acts like it has in the past. I also am confident it is nothing more than irritation.
He gave me stronger medicine and I now stay away from problem foods and aspirin. And I no longer am worried about stomach cancer.
Mostly. And for now. I am almost five years past diagnosis and I may celebrate my anniversary by instituting a no-worry rule.
I do worry, though, about whether I can pull that off.
[Editor's Note: This post originally ran on February 20, 2011. Pat is now almost six years past diagnosis.]
Pat, great article and it’s one that I’m sure most can relate too. I am three years post BC. But still, the drama in my head is crazy with every ache or pain I have. I am a worrier too and I hope it doesn’t take 30 years for me to stop worrying. On the other hand I’ll be grateful if I am still here in 30 years.
Hugs
Beth
I used to worry; but I don’t anymore. I was spending too much time worrying. lol I have been practicing to just stay in the moment; do the day….and deal with whatever comes my way IF and WHEN it does. I know that cancer eventually will show itself if it is there; in the meantime….I just do my life. I figure I will deal with it WHEN i have proof…(ie..biopsy) the rest of the time I practice being worry-free.
I wish my medical files were logged with a big, red flag to remind my doctors that I’ve had breast cancer! I’m young and incredibly healthy looking, so new doctors never suspect, and ones I’ve had a long time seem to forget. But since I’m young, it’s especially important to keep an eye on things and to make sure that lasting pains or oddities are not cancer–sooner, rather than later. This worry will never go away for me, and I can only think that is entirely natural, considering the stats for young women and breast cancer survival. CURE NOW!!!!!!!!
Great article, Pat. I’m 7 years past come June, but tomorrow having a biopsy on the other side. Trying not to worry!
so relate. i am 14 yrs post lumpectomy w node removal; 2-1/2 from bilateral mastectomy. not something “first timers” want to hear – I know – I went to one support group post first surgery and never went back, because i couldn’t listen to people talking about how they handled 2nd and 3rd recurrences. remember asking an older woman in my church who was 20 years out – when do you stop thinking every little thing is cancer – and her response was ‘ i’ll let you know’ – however, she went on to say that you bounce back from that thought much quicker as time goes by. and maybe thats the answer. i was LIVID when i had a recurrence – and rightly or wrongly i fully expect another episode somewhere else before I leave the planet. the chorus i hear is “well, if it weren’t for your history we wouldn’t need to…” and i’m very, very fine with that. (of course I have the advantage of good insurance so i’m not bankrupting my family – another topic) poke, prod, biopsy – have at it – but in the end, though it may sound trite, all any of us have is the day that we’re in, whether we’re more sensitized to that or not by our past . diagnoses. we survivors now know that the idea that ANY human is in control of her life is an illusion. so we do what we can do, milk what we can out of every day of living, do smart stuff for our health, and refuse to let the disease take any more than it’s already taken. I am NOT particularly brave or altruistic, btw; for me, this outlook stems from a faith base. However, I think the principles are useful for anyone – just easier – PERHAPS – if they are rooted in Someone larger than we are. GREAT POST
I can relate 100% with Pat. Worry free day is just the day in which I feel PERFECT, and that si not very often. Since I finish treatment, 2 years ago, I visit each of my doctors every three and six months. In between I already had several mammograms, Paps, one colonoscopy, an stress echocardiogram to verify that the chemo did not affect my heart, and a week ago an MRI to confirm that the muscle pains around my head are due to TMJ and not a brain tumor. The next test now is a carotid artery ultrasound, as the MRI showed a couple of little spots that could be ischemic arteries ,( of course now I worry about getting a stroke).
thanks God I am active and try to eat healthy food, walk at least three miles every day (I carry on me a pedometer to count the steps and the distsnce walked).
I started few days ago to write in a spreadsheet the type of activities of the day, the food I eat and the moods I felt. (it is interesting to read what I did and felt in the past ).
As my cholesterol is kind of high,due to the daily Femara I must take every day to supress the estrogen, I try not eat anything that is white: salt, sugar, white bread, white pasta, an white rice. I try to have a positive actitude, appreciate and value each minute of my life, and put distance of the negative ideas that show off around us..
But with all the above good ideas I put in practice, I still WORRY A LOT. Please teach me a way not to.
Thank you for this article. I also have the same worries. It is like along with the cancer we are also given an extra dose of anxiety. Every new pain causes the ugly monster to rear it’s head. I also have arthritis in my spine. The Doctors thought my cancer had returned in my spine with one MRI , nuclear injection more tests, I was never so grateful for arthritis. Thank you all for continued support.I am a 6 year survivor and counting.
Pat, your blog gives hope to women with breast cancer. I enjoyed reading it.
Cancer is always at the back of my mind, but I try not to think of it. I had thyroid cancer 25 years ago, and breast cancer 6 months ago. Had radiotherapy after a lumpectomy. So I try to be positive and think I’ll make it for the next 25 years in good health, only doctor visits for check ups. I am aware of every lump or other suspicious growth, spot, especially that I found all the growths in my body. Had a hysterectomy 25 years ago, but that was for a myoma. I am thankful for feeling well and being able to do what I want.