Topic: I'm (NOT F'*%$@#$) "OK"!

I've seen some women say, "I'm  doing as well as can be expected." and change the subject if you don't want to go into the details.

When I've felt very vulnerable, I've just ignored them.  I don't know if I recommend that or not.  It probably depends on the relationship you have with the person.

I'm sure there are more clever people on this site than I; I'd like to follow this thread.

or thought this one, but not gutsy enough to say:

OK = Overall Krappy 

If I think the person is asking out of concern, I usually say "Good days and bad days" and thank them for asking. The ones who just ask out of cuiriosity or because they think they have to ask I just say, "OK, thanks" since it's not really an answer. The really good friends know.

Leah

"yes, I'm o.k. except for that CANCER thingy".

That question is right up there with something I get all the time;  "Gee...you look great..."  I'm not sure what they are expecting me to look like.  I feel like saying "Thank you, that's great 'cause I feel like s_ _t"!  (Not to mention when I look in the mirror, I am not impressed nor am I happy.)  I usually just stop at "thank you".

I'm not sure what the best response is to your question.  People don't know what to say sometimes.  I know they don't mean to offend or put me on the spot.  They are trying to show concern.

I usually respond something to the effect of:

"I'm doing everything there is to be done.  I have wonderful doctors, and I have great support from my family and friends." 

I'm not looking for sympathy, but I'm not going to lie either.  They might as well hear it straight.  If it makes them uncomfortable, well then I guess they shouldn't ask questions they don't want to hear the answers to.

Don't your just LOVE the "you look great", when you feel like you have been in the bottom of a trash dumpster?   I know each of you will relate to this.   What did I look like before if this is "great"???

And those days when you do feel sort of great, not one single person comments... Oh well, such is this journey.    Hugs and smilies for everyone,  Nancy 

Well I for one like your answer.  And if it is your honest answer, even better.  I notice that you are class of 2008.  Speaking for myself, class of 2005, it took me a long time to let this question roll off my back.  Even thought they now call cancer a treatable disease, which it is like the others that kill, it is nonetheless a hard pill to swallow.  

To say that it gets better .... well the process helps us progress and move forward.  How other people think about it becomes less and less important to me.  And when people get too close to my "button" I simply tell them the truth of how I feel.  It's their responsibility after that to deal or not deal with it.  My plate has it's own menu.  

Come here when you reach the end of your rope because we understand more than others in most cases.  Come here and scream in anger if you need to....because it's natural.  

I send you good thoughts, and white light, and wishes for peace in your heart ... words that fall so short for the compassion you need....but the spirit is real.  However you understand this message....know that we care about how you feel....really.

Best wishes to all as always,

Marilyn 

After my mastectomy in August '08 i was depressed for months. And angry. So when people asked how i was, i said - physically fine, mentally not good. If i thought they really cared, i explained: hate being lopsided, depressed, etc.

I know that people who haven't seen me in a while usually mean: is the cancer gone?. So when i feel up to educating, i say something like -- well, since it was invasive, there's always a chance of a recurrence, but i'm fine. I may elaborate on that, or not ... depends on the person, the circumstances, how i feel...

But since the mastectomy, i've stopped saying i'm fine -- i'm not. i don't feel fine, i don't look fine, and it sucks.

 This is not to suggest that i don't know i'm one of the luckier ones in this club, but just to encourage others who also feel that it sucks to not pretend otherwise -- unless you want to. In which case, more power to you. Whatever works,say it.

I always say "I'm good TODAY, thanks"   Enough said

The truth shall set you free, so, I'm telling it like it is. If asked, I tell the truth. I have said "I'm feeling shitty, but I sincerely appreciate you asking. That is the truth, I do appreciate people asking. I'm exhausted with putting forth, the delusion, that the whole shebang,... is sunshine & cookies, peachy keen, honkie doorie.(sp)lol The general public needs to be more enlightened, regarding cancer. I want it to be in their thoughts, not just on designated defeat cancer months.

Maybe, just maybe, one of these days,... the next Einstein will ask me, how I am. My answer might prompt or shock, (depending upon how you look at it) that person into contributing in some way, to the demise of all cancers.

That is like -- "you look great- are you cured?"  WTF????  My answer is and has been -"there is NO CURE for cancer - some people live longer with it than others".   When asked how I am I usually say- "changed" or "different" or " I know things now that I never wanted to know".   Tami

My current favorite:   "Be careful what you ask me, my edit button is broken."

Some people are genuinely concerned and simply don't know what to say, I try to answer them honestly and educate them.  Others want to share the worst possible stories.  There's a whole other group who provide you with all sorts of info on 'cures'; and then there's those who want to provide religious enlightenment. 

Since my edit button is broken, when provoked I have no problem sticking my fingers in my ears and singing LA LA LA LA in a high shrill voice.  I may have to suffer this disease, but I sure don't have to suffer fools and idiots.

Edited to add: When I was bald I took mooning to a whole new level.  If someone ticked me off I'd 'flip my lid' at them.  That put big tough he-men to their knees and left me ROFL.  One has to find amusement where they can when dealing with this krappy disease.

This is an excellent, much-needed thread, and like Donna, I like and agree with what so many have already said. 

I guess if someone knows me well and really cares asks how I'm doing, I'm not shy about saying something like, "I'm fine now -- as long as it doesn't come back, which is always the lingering concern."  I guess for some reason, right now I still need to share with them that the emotional battle isn't over for me yet. 

On the other hand, when an acquaintance or someone I'm not close to asks how I'm doing or comments on how great I look, my response is pretty much along the lines of, "Thank you, I'm doing great," because unless they've had a serious illness and can truly relate to us on that level, I don't think they want to hear about our aches and pains and scars or fears, nor can they really grasp what we've been through even if we were to tell them.  I just think until you've had a serious illness yourself, there's a huge information gap that nothing we can say is going to fill, and so it probably comes across as a combination of complaining and medical jargoneese that they just won't get anyway.     Deanna

When I have heard friends in the past say, "Oh I hate turning 40" or " I can't believe I'm this old", I've always replied, "Well it beats the alternative".  It s@#$s , but I really know what that means now.  I feel like if I say that now, I will be saying too much...I don't want to say "I'm angry and scared and I don't want this disease to get me now.  Wait until I'm 100 and ready." 

I usually just say " I am here"