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Topic: The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

Forum: Relationships, Emotional Crises, Anxiety, and Depression — Meet and support others who are affected by these issues around breast cancer fears, diagnosis and treatment.

Posted on: Nov 24, 2009 07:20AM, edited Mar 17, 2013 09:29AM by Shrek4

Shrek4 wrote:

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Page 275 of 302 (9,056 results)

Posts 8221 - 8250 (9,056 total)

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Dec 8, 2012 07:24PM chabba wrote:

I don't think that just take the cake---it takes the whole bakery!!!!!!!! 

Dx 5/25/2010, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Dec 8, 2012 07:34PM shelly56 wrote:

Kerrberlady - I didn't mean to say that a diagnosis of ADD had to mean they weren't intelligent, sorry if you misunderstood.  It just bothered us when the school system tries to label a child as "ADD" and then the next thing they wanted us to do was to put him on Ritalin.  We are so glad we (or I) researched all I could on drugs to treat ADD and their effects on children, which led us to stand up and tell them no way would we put a 6 year old on heavy drugs like that.  He was not "ADHD" which is the hyperactive & even destructive behavior.  Boys more than girls are diagnosed also as children, but I think many of those cases are just that boys are more immature and of course, they are more apt to not listen or stay on task.  But we insisted they develop an IME (or a plan) to reward him for completing work, staying on tasks, and yes, it worked.  He had some very caring teachers, some not so caring. 

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."

Dx 1/26/2009, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIa, 4/15 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Dec 9, 2012 06:23AM barbe1958 wrote:

txstar, I think my Mom would have said the same thing! She would have made MY cancer all about HER. She has passed, as has my Dad and I actually felt GUILTY about getting cancer after my Dad had died of lung cancer!! I hated to "bother" my family....sigh.

Religion is for people who are afraid of hell, spirituality is for people who have already been there. (Lakota Nation)

Dx 12/10/2008
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Dec 9, 2012 07:03AM kerrberlady wrote:

No Shelly, I was just adding to your part about ADD and intelligence levels not really being linked.  I got ya!!!  

2001, Self Exam found lump, Needle Biopsy, Surgical biopsy, Lumpectomy. DCIS >3cm, ER+/PR+, Chemotherapy, Radiation, 2 years Tamoxafen, 3 years Arimidex. Ten year remission. 2011 Treatment: BMX, LD flap w/TE, Herceptin

Dx 9/2011, IDC, <1cm, Stage Ia, Grade 3, 0/5 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+Targeted Therapy 12/03/2011 Herceptin
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Dec 9, 2012 07:57AM winnie_w wrote:

My boss called me and asked how I am coping with my radiation. I told her I am doing fine, but the  daily 1.5 hours drive each way is really tiring for both me and DD (DD drives me everyday). My boss said "Why don't you just move to those houses across the hospital! Its so much nore convenient!"

My repsond: "Ugh, thanks for the suggestion, I was hoping after radiation, I will never have to go back to that hospital again." My boss the manager director of a bank, sigh.

Dx 7/27/2012, DCIS, 1cm, Grade 2, 0/0 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Dx 7/27/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Dec 9, 2012 08:05AM, edited Dec 9, 2012 08:07AM by Cindyl

txstardust - is that like the old parental saw about "this hurts me more than it hurts you" as they take off the belt?

I can certainly understand why it hit you the wrong way, but could she really have meant I'd rather go through cancer myself than see you go through it?  It's a similar, but much more PC thing to say.

My Mom, an incredibly kind woman, really has struggled with my cancer. She lost her sister to bc and my Dad to lung cancer, and in dark corners of her mind, I believe she is certain she will lose me to the beast as well.  She says the right things most of the time, but once in a while I can see that in some ways this is harder on her than it is on me. Not all the time mind you, but once in a while.  She makes no distinctions in her mind about the stage or grade of cancer, just cancer is cancer and its horrible and is about to take another person I love.  All of my reassurances that cancer doesn't always win don't really sink in.  I can talk all I want a bout how, for me cancer is a bloody nusiance. One that I'd just as soon not deal with of course.  But something that I really do expect to put mostly behind me.  And even as I say it I can see her disbelieving me and thinking about every woman with cancer on the movie of the week.  "My daughter is doomed." her eyes say.

I knew how it would be.  Actually kept the DX a secret from her for quite a while, which is tricky when you live in the same house.  But once I started rads and started to get mail and messages from the Cancer Care Institute the jig was up.

Anyway yeah it was a dumb thing to say, but maybe from a certain point of view?

Stay calm, have courage and watch for signs.

Dx 2/11/2012, IDC, 3cm, Grade 1, 0/7 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 03/01/2012 Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection, Axillary Lymph Node Dissection (Right)Radiation Therapy 04/16/2012 ExternalHormonal Therapy 05/23/2012 Tamoxifen
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Dec 9, 2012 09:09AM proudtospin wrote:

Txstardust, yeap, think my SIL is part of your family, she also turns everything into all about her.  A family member once said that my brother, handles her by agreeing with her on everthing....brother has hodgkins and has been considering transplant surgery for years but don't get me started there! It seems to work for him but it sure makes it tough on anyone who dares to disagree with her!

iris

Dx 6/2008, DCIS, Stage 0, ER+
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Dec 9, 2012 11:44AM Musical wrote:

"Sometimes, I think it's worse for the mother than the daughter."

Txstardust, Yes that is an insensitive thing to say, but Cindy1 thanks for your point.  It's almost a replica of my mum. I think it depends on our overall relationship to our mum. Like Cindy's mum mine has been the kindest person I know. She would go cold and give YOU the shirt off of her back. She has had a lifetime of giving giving giving and putting evryone before herself. She has already lost one daughter to this monster..... with heaps of side issues and horrendous circumstances in all this,  I think the "sometimes" bit would let her off the hook. If she had left it out then that would be totally different. Now she is heading to 90's and memory failing and long story short, is not the same person. She is changing and saying things that are just not like her. I prefer remember the many fine years this amazinglady has given and just forego the bloopers now.

Psa 119:105 NUN. Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. (KJV)

Dx IDC, 4cm, Stage IIa, Grade 3, 0/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 10, 2012 06:19AM Katski wrote:

I was just told by my stepmom that because I grieved very deeply for the lost of my foster mom who was my best friend, that is why cancer came back.  I think it is a ignorant and insensitive remark.  I know I did not cause it but it just makes me mad and sad.

Dx 6/2012, ILC, Stage IIIa, 11/22 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Radiation Therapy ExternalChemotherapy 09/25/2012 Cytoxan, Taxotere
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Dec 10, 2012 04:10PM camillegal wrote:

krazycat===that was realy ignorant---Duck Tape belongs over her mouth.

I think whatever a mom says u know u'r own mother and how she means it. My sister and I know our mom would say very little and just have tears in her eyes all the time especially since we both have it.--She's worry so much. My mom has passed before all of this and she would have done anything to help us feel better, especially me--cuz she liked me best.

Dx 2007, Stage IV, 24/38 nodes, HER2+
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Dec 10, 2012 04:22PM Musical wrote:

Cami youre in same boat as me, except my mums still alive and my dearly beloved sis has passed. No mum wants to outlive ONE daughter let alone two. Its been dreadfully hard on her.

Psa 119:105 NUN. Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. (KJV)

Dx IDC, 4cm, Stage IIa, Grade 3, 0/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 10, 2012 05:49PM mags20487 wrote:

been a bit since I posted..but wanted to share this one.  On Friday my family gathered on the anniversary of my nephew's murder to  remember him.  My other nephew's wife was there  who no matter how hard I try I just cannot make myself like her.  The family wanted to know about my Diep procedure and subsequent flap failure on the left side.  I was telling them that the last step would be to get tatoos at the end of it all for nipples/areola and she blurts out in a really sassy tone "well I would NEVER get my breast tatooed"  I bit my tongue and stayed silent for about 10 seconds.  My niece looked at her and told her that this was different than getting some butterfly on her butt and I finally just said to her that she just did not get it at all and hopefully she never would.  It was all I could do not to jump over the table and B***H slap her.  She is a terrible offender of opening her mouth about things that she know nothing about.  ERRRRR  still not sure about that girl.

Maggie

DX @43yrs old triple negative metaplastic. BMX 8/23/11. 4 taxol and 4 AC finished 12/29/11 35 rads completed 3/16/12 Bilat Diep 11/1/12 left side flap failed 11/6/12 Gap flap left 3/5/13 lymph node tx 5/22/13 Revision 8/13, Revision 12/13

Dx 8/17/2011, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIa, Grade 3, 3/18 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-Surgery 08/23/2011 Mastectomy (Both); Lymph Node Removal: Axillary Lymph Node Dissection (Left)Chemotherapy 09/22/2011 Adriamycin, Cytoxan, TaxolRadiation Therapy 01/27/2012 ExternalSurgery 11/01/2012 Reconstruction: DIEP flap (Both)Surgery 03/05/2013 Reconstruction: GAP flap (Left)Surgery 05/22/2013 Reconstruction (Left)Surgery 08/21/2013 Reconstruction (Both)Surgery 12/04/2013 Reconstruction (Both)
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Dec 10, 2012 05:57PM camillegal wrote:

Musical rhen u know what I mean---I of course feel bad for u having this beast, but as a mom u'r poor mother having to live with this has to be horrible

Maggie she sounds so inorant it makes me ill. Why do people comment on something they know nothing about. Geeze good thing u don't have to see her alot--I hope.

Dx 2007, Stage IV, 24/38 nodes, HER2+
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Dec 11, 2012 06:09AM Fearlessfoot wrote:

My mother died of pancreatic cancer two and a half years ago, only 7 months after diagnosis.  She was one of the lucky few who was caught early enough to try the Whipple procedure; however she died of complications following the surgery.  Her death really shadowed me.  I was finally shaking off the mourning when I got my BC diagnosis.  From the day of knowing I had BC, I decided to stop grieving and just enjoy whatever is left of my life as much as I can.  I know my mother "can handle" me having BC better now than she could have when she was alive.  It would have been awful for her and it would have been awful for me, worrying about her worrying about me, which would have taken up a lot of energy.  While I'd do anything to still have my mother in this world, the fact that she got her cancer before I got mine was good in a way, if you see what I mean.  She often said this jokingly ironic tough-in-cheek thing to my sister to me: "If you die before I do, I'll never forgive you!"   What she meant was that the pain of losing a child of hers would have been so excruciating she might have done the unpardonable thing:  not pardoning us for dying.  Well, I have totally forgiven her for dying and I'm sure she knows it!  I am also sure she is proud of how I have handled BC.  A lot of my decisions since her death are actions that I know would fit her value system which I have more fully embraced.

Dx 4/2/2012, ILC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/7 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 04/11/2012 Lumpectomy (Right)Surgery 05/16/2012 Mastectomy (Both)Hormonal Therapy 05/29/2012 Tamoxifen
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Dec 11, 2012 06:47AM Soteria205 wrote:

Fearless~I took care of my Beloved Aunt June in my home for over 3 years after a bad fall in her home in march 2009. I changed diapers, and did basically everything for her. All my life, through childhood, teens, and adulthood, she had always been the one Contant in my life. She was always there for me and her love for me was unconditional.

A.J. As I affectionately called her passed away 4 weeks before my diagnosis. I miss her, but I feel that GOD was merciful in taking her then (she was 86), because she would have grieved herself to death just knowing I was dealing with this Beast!

Blessings
Paula

FIGHT LIKE A WARRIOR!!!

Dx 7/27/2012, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIc, Grade 1, 13/16 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 10/22/2012 Mastectomy (Left); Lymph Node Removal: Axillary Lymph Node Dissection (Left)Chemotherapy 12/07/2012 Adriamycin, Cytoxan, TaxolRadiation Therapy 07/02/2013 ExternalHormonal Therapy 08/20/2013 Arimidex
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Dec 11, 2012 08:25AM barbe1958 wrote:

My Dad is, I'm sure, spinning, and I mean SPINNING in his grave over the fact that I go around flat. If lung cancer hadn't killed him, this surely would have!!!

Religion is for people who are afraid of hell, spirituality is for people who have already been there. (Lakota Nation)

Dx 12/10/2008
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Dec 11, 2012 08:59AM shelly56 wrote:

Soteria: I sympathize.  I am the youngest of 4 sibs and when my father started to fail health-wise and had to live in assisted living, then full nursing facility, I was the one to fetch and carry supplies, visit often, do financial paperwork, pay bills, you name it.  I was always a daddy's girl and he held a special place in his heart for me until he passed away.  I couldn't bear to tell him my DX ever -- I was afraid he would worry himself 'to death' -- and just plain give up.  We lost our mom 21 years ago and she would have worried herself sick too, if she would have known I had BC.  Now I just have to deal with a middle sister, who loves to tell me about her close friend with BC that has refused chemo and now cancer is in the lungs.  I mean, what do I say? --perplexed

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."

Dx 1/26/2009, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIa, 4/15 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Dec 17, 2012 11:49AM Reality wrote:

Hello to all - so sorry I disappeared from these boards since Thanksgiving. I have been having a lot of health issues - imagine that, LOL! My body is rejecting my chemo. Blood counts have been a mess - transfusions, hospitalizations, etc. I am done with it - no more chemo for me. I feel so much better off it. 

Will catch up to all of you soon. 

Hugs to all -

Sherry

Sherry

Dx 5/23/2011, IDC, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 0/5 nodes, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2-Surgery 09/28/2011 Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Left)
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Dec 17, 2012 12:06PM julz4 wrote:

Gentle healing Hugs Sherry! Much peace to You with your decision. You have been through so much lately. I hope what your feeling now is a better place to be & that it continues on for a long while! Julz

DX 5/15/2012 with DCIS. Partial Mastectomy & CNB 5/22/2012, DX 5/30/2012 DCISMI, 2.8cm, Tumor stage T1, Grade 2-3/3, 0/2 nodes, ER-/PR-, No HER2 testing due to not enough invasive tissue.

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Dec 17, 2012 12:25PM Reality wrote:

Dear Julz - thank you so much! 

Sherry

Sherry

Dx 5/23/2011, IDC, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 0/5 nodes, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2-Surgery 09/28/2011 Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Left)
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Dec 17, 2012 02:16PM barbe1958 wrote:

Sherry, that SUX!!! I'm so sorry to hear you were suffering without having you in my prayers. You are there now....

Religion is for people who are afraid of hell, spirituality is for people who have already been there. (Lakota Nation)

Dx 12/10/2008
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Dec 17, 2012 03:10PM chabba wrote:

And in mine Sherry!

Dx 5/25/2010, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Dec 18, 2012 10:31AM shelly56 wrote:

Sherry:  My best to you !  You are not alone.... ((())))

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear."

Dx 1/26/2009, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIa, 4/15 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Dec 18, 2012 06:00PM daisylor wrote:

I have one to share. We got a flyer today at work that there's a 401k meeting tomorrow. So one of my co-workers sees it laying on my desk and says to me "You planning on staying?" I said, "Yeah, I'm gonna keep working here, I like it". He goes, "No, I mean I wasn't sure if you were checking out or not." Basically meaning he wasn't sure if I was going to die from cancer. This was his version of a funny joke.  Needless to say i didn't laugh.

Dx 3/12/2012, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+Surgery 04/03/2012 Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Right)Targeted Therapy 04/23/2012 HerceptinChemotherapy 04/27/2012 carboplatin, TaxotereHormonal Therapy 07/23/2012 TamoxifenRadiation Therapy 10/03/2012 External
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Dec 18, 2012 06:41PM Scottiee1 wrote:

Daisylor.....as the gals say....there's no cure for stupid....what a moron!!!!!...sorry you have to work with such a jerk.

Dx 2/12/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage I, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 03/02/2012 Lumpectomy (Right)Surgery 03/02/2012 Lumpectomy (Right)Hormonal Therapy 03/24/2012 FemaraRadiation Therapy 05/02/2012 ExternalRadiation Therapy 05/02/2012 ExternalRadiation Therapy 05/02/2012 External
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Dec 19, 2012 05:04PM Kay_G wrote:

OMG what a terrible idea for a joke. Not funny at all IMO.

Well that is a pie crust promise, easily made, easily broken. Mary Poppins

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Dec 19, 2012 11:24PM, edited Dec 19, 2012 11:26PM by blackcat2012

Former friend told me last week that my neighbors will probably take their home off the market once they hear I have cancer so that they won't have to move as they will be expecting me to die shortly....(so far diagnosed with DCIS and LCIS)

Oh and they took down their for sale sign earlier today.

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Dec 20, 2012 03:58AM Kay_G wrote:

I am just amazed at the callousness and nastiness of some people. Get even with them blackcat, live and thrive!!!! (((Hugs)))

Well that is a pie crust promise, easily made, easily broken. Mary Poppins

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Dec 20, 2012 08:29PM camillegal wrote:

OMG the things people say stil amaze me after all this time--someone actuay comes up with new stuff that's ever dumber than before.

Reality (((HUGS))) I'm sorry u'r having such a rough time.

Dx 2007, Stage IV, 24/38 nodes, HER2+
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Dec 20, 2012 10:53PM Musical wrote:

blackcat 201, WOW!!!!! Your story sounds very similar to mine, but with a few things swapped around. Mine is SOOO "out there" and shameful I havent been able to post about it. Theres been legal issues. Im so sorry you've had to endure that. Hugs.

Psa 119:105 NUN. Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. (KJV)

Dx IDC, 4cm, Stage IIa, Grade 3, 0/13 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-

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