Topic: BC Husbands and Boyfriends Hangout
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- Posted on: Jul 15, 2005 09:01 am
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 129
Posts: 129
Notsopuny5721 wrote:
Hi, My name is Greg. My wife just completed chemo and is in the midst of radiation for her second incident of BC (the first one was 5 years ago).
I am looking for an online support group consisting of BC husbands/boyfriends to "hang" with and discuss a myriad of topics related to this situation: everything from coping with the diagnosis, being supportive during treatment, how to cope, intimate relations during/after treatment, etc., etc.
So, if you are a BC husband/boyfriend, stop by introduce yourself, and tell us as much about you and your SO as you'd care to share.
Cheers!
Greg
I am looking for an online support group consisting of BC husbands/boyfriends to "hang" with and discuss a myriad of topics related to this situation: everything from coping with the diagnosis, being supportive during treatment, how to cope, intimate relations during/after treatment, etc., etc.
So, if you are a BC husband/boyfriend, stop by introduce yourself, and tell us as much about you and your SO as you'd care to share.
Cheers!
Greg
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cowgirl Joined: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,140 |
Nov 17, 2005 12:58 pm cowgirl wrote: bumping up to the top so all can see it |
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Notsopuny57… Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 129 |
Nov 18, 2005 04:22 am
Notsopuny5721 wrote:
JRC: Sorry to hear about the liver mets. My thoughts and prayers are with you guys. Let's hope for good news after the transfusion. Best, Greg |
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jrc Joined: May 2005 Posts: 51 |
Nov 18, 2005 08:28 am
jrc wrote:
The transfusion has made her feel a lot better. We'll deal with the liver mets after her next meeting with the ONC which is in 3 weeks. He'll have more information then wrt the bone marrow biopsy. He is looking to see if her mets are HER2 positive so that he can put her on Herceptin as well. Interestingly, her original BC was HER2 negative. This new chemo is Navelbine, I think (I'll have to go look now). She has done real well with this one. We have lots planned for the weekend. Just another step in journey. jrc |
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jrc Joined: May 2005 Posts: 51 |
Nov 18, 2005 08:38 am
jrc wrote:
BTW Greg, How is your wife doing? When you started this thread she was completing radiation. You also mentioned she was having some issues with her arm. Are you guys holding up well and is her prognosis good? I sure hope so. jrc |
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cowgirl Joined: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,140 |
Nov 18, 2005 01:01 pm cowgirl wrote: bumping up again! Glad K has weekend plans! How is your wife Greg? |
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csp Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 4,010 |
Nov 18, 2005 06:11 pm
csp wrote:
jrc, Glad to here K is feeling better!! I know this is the guy thread but wanted to share that Densie finshed chemo on thursday , now on to rads any info you guys might have as far as what to expect would be appreciated. Carrie |
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Shemp Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 163 |
Nov 18, 2005 06:17 pm Shemp wrote: jrc, all the best to you and the family. Sorry "the journey" has taken a detour and become that much longer. Stay as positive as you can. |
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jrc Joined: May 2005 Posts: 51 |
Nov 19, 2005 05:13 am
jrc wrote:
carrie, cowgirl, and shemp Thanks for the positive thoughts. We had nice time last night. We did a little shopping (boys needed shoes again! - My 10 year old is in size 8). We went to dinner. K did ok, but I could tell she is not well. She is obviously tired and slow moving, but we had a good time. I'm pretty worried where this is heading. For now we are just going to enjoy our holidays and face the next part of the journey in the new year. Shemp -- well done with the lecture over on the "So" thread. That kid needs a wake up, but I don't have the energy to do it. I couldn't figure out a way to answer him without being brutal. Yours was good. All the best, jrc |
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cowgirl Joined: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,140 |
Nov 19, 2005 06:37 am
cowgirl wrote:
jrc, Just focus on making this holiday great and happy, that is what will make K know you understand her. Ask her what she likes best about christmas, you know what she feels is the most important and try to do that. After the holidays there will be time to face all the negative stuff! Even if she is tired she wants to be with yall! So just pace it out and she will be happy no matter how tired! I can relate my 15 yr old wears an 11! |
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Notsopuny57… Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 129 |
Nov 21, 2005 09:42 am
Notsopuny5721 wrote:
JRC: Glad the transfusion helped. Let's hope for more good news! My wife made an apptmt to see her nurse (doc is out of town) about some lymphadema-like symptoms in her surgical arm, but otherwise is doing well,thanks (also thanks to Cowgirl, for asking). Carrie: Congrats on Denise finishing chemo. With radiation you want to watch the rad site to make sure the skin is not getting badly burned. Check out the rad thread here for all kinds of advice on ointments, and the like. My wife had to take a one-week hiatus in her treatment, when the burn got too bad. Shemp: What's up with you, buddy? Best, Greg |
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JoannaR Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 61 |
Nov 22, 2005 06:17 pm
JoannaR wrote:
Hey guys, not really glad to join this club but you all seem very cool and supportive. I am actually using my wife's id. I am Alex. I will get my ownd id later. My wife was recently dx on 7-21-05 with IDCIS. Her tumor was 0.5 cm and no node involment. We chose a bilat mastectomy and reconstruction mostly because her familiy history. Her mom was dx at age 40 (she is now 74 and well!!). We have 2 kids ages 5 and 3. This took us by surprise, despite the family history. We kept on top of her yearly exams and were planning to have a 3rd child when the ultrasound revealed a "Cyst". We were asked to come back in 6 months to keep an eye, to which I called the doctor right back and asked her if she would ask her mother or sister to come back in 6 months. The Doctor then decided to do a fine needle aspiration and the rest is history... My wife is now in her 5/8 chemo (4 AC and 4 Taxol). She was schedule to have chemo today but her white blood count was too low. We are going back on Friday and try again. Anyway, Greg, Shemp and Tim, it has been really helpful so far hearing your stories and ways everyone is coping. I, too, would like to barge in a share some of our experiences. Alex |
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KariLynn Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 4,415 |
Nov 22, 2005 06:49 pm
KariLynn wrote:
Alex - I saw your wife's post on another thread - she's gorgeous. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this but proud of you for standing up to the doctors and getting it taken care of now. Good luck. |
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Shemp Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 163 |
Nov 23, 2005 06:41 am
Shemp wrote:
My wife is in as good of spirit as she has been since just before this all started. 3 weeks ago, she couldn't see the end, but now, one treatment later (6 of 8), she's feeling excited and feeling good. Part of that is that the Doc cut back her Taxotere dosage. So with two left, she's saying she has just one left... because the last one is the final one so that doesn't count. She figures she'll be so happy to have that one knocked out, that she's not including that in her countdown. Hey, whatever works for her! Now to sort out the birth control issue. Her local onc didn't want her on an oral, but I just read the transcript from the er/pr negative discussion from last week and it seems those docs don't see it as a problem. Hmm. |
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Notsopuny57… Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 129 |
Nov 23, 2005 07:34 am
Notsopuny5721 wrote:
Alex: Welcome to the club, buddy. We'll do what we can to help you cope. Hey, if you haven't done so already, I strongly encourage you to get ahold of a copy of Marc Silver's Breast Cancer Husband book. It's a goldmine of info about every aspect of what couples typically go through: emotionally, physically, psychologically, intimately, etc., etc. Also, in re the low white blood cell count, isn't there a shot (neulasta?) they can give her to boost them (or am I thinking red cells)? I know my wife had a neulasta shot after each chemo session to boost her (white? red?) blood cells, and it helped greatly. Shemp: Glad to hear you guys are only one-two treatments from the end and that you're wife is feeling positive about it again. That taxotere is a mean drug. Like my wife (who also had it) said: "they don't call it 'TAXO (as in toxic) tere for nothing!" As for the birth control, you might want to consider a second opinion (from an OBY/GYN?). Best, Greg P.S. My wife (who completed chemo/rads this past summer, and who's hair has started growing back) said to me this morning: "Do you still love me with short hair?" (it used to be done to the small of her back). And I said: "I loved you when you had no hair!" and she laughed. Sometimes, the good Lord does put the right words in your mouth at the right time... |
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Shemp Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 163 |
Nov 23, 2005 11:06 am
Shemp wrote:
</font><font class="small">Quote:</font><font class="post"> You're right, Neulasta is the white blood cell booster. Procrit is the red blood cell booster. Even with Neulasta though, the wbc count can get too low. |
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JoannaR Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 61 |
Nov 23, 2005 12:31 pm
JoannaR wrote:
She gets neulasta after each chemo. 4 days after her last chemo she developed a fever and went to the ER. They tested her blood and the WBC was 4 (4-7 is normal) so they sent us home. That was saturday. The following Thursday she had fever again and went back to the ER and again her WBC was fine (i think it was 7). Then last tuesday she went back for her chemo (#6) and her WBC was 2.4. Really weird.. as taxol is not supposed to bring the WBC down. The doctor seems puzzled, but belives that it may be left over from the AC and that the WBC should be on its way up and asked us to go back on Friday. Greg: I will make sure to buy this book soon. Thanks! Wish everyone a HEALTHY and enjoyable Thanksgiving day! |
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csp Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 4,010 |
Nov 23, 2005 06:28 pm
csp wrote:
Hi guys,
Wishing you all a restful, safe, peaceful day surround by the ones you Love. Happy Thanksgiving, Carrie |
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JoannaR Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 61 |
Nov 24, 2005 07:52 am
JoannaR wrote:
</font><font class="small">Quote:</font><font class="post"> Thank you! I happened to agree with you, she is very good looking even without hair  . I may be a bit bias though..We felt almost intimidated to question the doctor's decision to put it off for another 6 months. They kept saying : Do you know what are the chances of your wife having anything wrong with her at this age?? Believe me I wanted to believe them more than anything, but the fact is that you can't take anything for granted. I feel that Doctors should be more careful when making these kinds of suggestions to patients. If they don't know that a person has is 100% safe then they should take the extra step, if possible, to make sure it is nothing bad to the . Waiting for another 6 month could have made all the difference!! Happy thanksgiving day! |
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NancyM Joined: May 2005 Posts: 282 |
Nov 25, 2005 02:08 pm
NancyM wrote:
Message edited - I have found someone who would like the book.
Good luck of all of you and happy holidays! |
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Bolder Joined: Sep 2005 Posts: 35 |
Dec 23, 2005 01:41 pm
Bolder wrote:
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Greg. Thinking of you. Bold. |
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Notsopuny57… Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 129 |
Dec 27, 2005 11:54 am
Notsopuny5721 wrote:
Bold: Happy holidays to you, too, my man--How the heck are you?! I was actually thinking of dropping you a line--but you beat me to the punch! Things on this end, thank God, are going mostly okay. Aside from my wife blacking out recently in the hospital gift shop (b/c of an all-nighter she had pulled doing work for a client. Fortunately, her head landed in a basket of scarves which cushioned the blow!), and some lymphodema-like symptoms in one of her arms, she is doing great. What's new with you, buddy? |
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Shemp Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 163 |
Dec 27, 2005 07:46 pm Shemp wrote: My wife just finished chemo today! 8 total treatments, so this has been a long road. She's now counting the days until hair starts to sprout! Still have radiation to go through, but that should be much less traumatic than chemo. |
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cowgirl Joined: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,140 |
Dec 28, 2005 05:47 am cowgirl wrote: Bolder has gone out of the country for a visit with his family, so I am hoping he will post again when he gets back! I am glad he is with his family now. |
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Notsopuny57… Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 129 |
Dec 28, 2005 06:36 am
Notsopuny5721 wrote:
Shemp: Congrats, buddy! If you haven't done so, already, go out for a celebratory dinner. Yes, rads are considerably easier than chemo, but you need to watch out that the radiated area does not develop a burn. There are creams and such that your wife can/should be apply/ing after each treatment that can reduce the chances of a burn. Probably the radiation thread on this site will have more specific info. Cowgirl: Thanks for the update on Bolder. What's new in your world? My best to you all; and let's hope for a happy and healthy 2006! Greg |
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cowgirl Joined: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,140 |
Dec 28, 2005 11:08 am
cowgirl wrote:
I only have my tatoo left, I finally met with my GYNO that explained my path report was fantastic, not one cell left. I start the genetic counseling in January. I was supposed to in December but the referral didn't come through. Also I go back for the colonscopy, it is part of my regime. You know the drill, you must be positive and yet be vigilant! So all in all I am doing great! I am grateful to feel so good and yet I know I have much to do. Life is precious and I need to be sure to stay focused on making the most of it! |
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Notsopuny57… Joined: Jun 2005 Posts: 129 |
Dec 28, 2005 12:23 pm
Notsopuny5721 wrote:
Cowgirl: That's great news! We should all continue to hear only good news. And, that is great advice about the preciousness of life and staying focused on making the most of it. Definitely words to live by... Best, Greg |
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pamela8 Joined: Dec 2005 Posts: 27 |
Dec 31, 2005 06:05 am
pamela8 wrote:
Hello I'm new to this...had mastectomy w/ recon on Dec 7...still waiting for oncotype testing to come back re: whether chemo would be a good idea. I was really lucky to have no nodes involved. I need some insight from any boyfriends out there. I had a very significant relationship with a man for 6 years which ended last winter (might be best described as 'almost living together'...he is extremely committment phobic. The last 2 years or so were off and on...broke up over dumb stuff, wouldn't talk to me about anything, I gave up then back together on his initiation. This has happened probably four times in the total time we've been together. This last time we were apart for 8 months and I had started seeing someone (6 months...ended pretty much with my diagnosis). This important man came back into my life, persisted although I put him off and told him about other man and cancer. He said it didn't matter, had done lots of soul searching on break,wants to be with me,etc. Still love him so I gave in and we were together for the month prior to my surgery and a week beyond when (you all knew this was coming right?) another stupid little fight and he's back to his cave, doesn't have anything to say, etc. I asked him to seriously consider whether he can commit to AT LEAST trying to talk stuff out instead of shutting down and going away completely. I really cannot do this to myself again, especially now, think it's healthier for me to be alone than to be counting on someone who has this track record. Help...anybody see anything I can do here? Would appreciate your input. |
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Pickup_man7… Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 5 |
Jan 2, 2006 09:21 pm Pickup_man7 wrote: Hi, I just joined this site looking for some guidance and suggestions on how to proceed. My girlfriend was just diagnosed with Breast cancer, we're waiting to hear more, we have not been dating very long (2 months) but we're both very much in love with the other, we are both also very young (I am 23 and she is 22) I have made clear to her that I'm not going anywhere and will be there for her throughout, but I feel like I should be doing more, I feel so helpless and useless. I was hoping maybe someone who has been through this disease with their SO could give me some guidance and direction in how I can better help her through this. Thanks in advance for any help you can give me. - Nick. |
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Shemp Joined: Aug 2005 Posts: 163 |
Jan 2, 2006 11:07 pm
Shemp wrote:
Dang Nick, my wife and I thought we were young at 28 (me and 29 (her). At this point, there's a good reason you feel helpless, there's not a lot to be done other than being supportive. For now, be encouraging, and encourage her friends to be encouraging. You don't want to blatantly lie or over sugarcoat matters, but you want to stress the positives and only acknowledge, but not dwell on the negatives unless there is a dire reason to. Depending on how close you are, go to all the dr. appointments you can. Being alone, whether it's at home or in the waiting room or in the Dr's office is about the worst at this point, so spend all the time you can with her. Kudos for not bailing on a really new relationship. Once treatments start, then you can do a little more for her in terms of actually doing things. |
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Pickup_man7… Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 5 |
Jan 3, 2006 05:39 am Pickup_man7 wrote: Shemp, Thanks for the advice. It sounds like at this point it's alot of hurry up and wait, I'm having a hard time standing back and not physically doing anything to help though, I'm planning on trying to go with her to as many appointments as I can, however I head back to school 5 hours away at the end of the month, she's very insistant that I go back and not give up another semester to be right here for her, her folks are being pretty smothering about the whole thing as well, I'm not quite sure how they would feel about a new bf getting involved in the process, I feel a bit like an outsider and that's not helping how I communicate that I'm as involved in this as she is. Any ideas on what I can say to impart that I'm behind her 100% without making her think I'm smothering her? I hope your wife is doing better,and to all the husbands and bfs out there, best of luck to you and your SOs, I hope this new year brings good news and renewed hope and sucess to you all. - Nick. |