Topic: My Sister My Friend & Cancer

Hi Colleen,

I too have a sister with IDC.  Sometimes I feel very strong and sometimes I cry during office visits. The docs just look at me like "what kind of support person are you!" I used to let it bother me but now I just look at them and think "you people just don't have a clue"'

I know how scared you are - it is a scary journey to go through. Like Dotti said above, just be there for her and listen without judgement. Above all, just try to be "normal". Go shopping, laugh at your family insanities, do the stuff you normally do together but also follow her lead. Both she and you will find your way and gain tremendous strength. The best part is that you sound like you two are very close as my sis and I are but I am amazed at how our relationship has grown even stronger.

She will be celebrating her 59th birthday next week. I was trying to think of what to get for her because the idea of getting her more "stuff" just seems too insane.  I have decided to write her a letter to let her know just how special a person she is and always will be.

Blessings your way

We just found out that my best friend of 15 years (sister by heart) is being taken off chemo  because it is no longer effective. She has metastatic breast cancer - I just can't imagine being without her.-  I want to do something for her, but am at a loss as to what. I am there every day, sometimes I help out with things around the house, sometimes we just sit and watch tv, sometimes we just sit. She is very tired & weak and it's hard for her to talk much. She knows she is very important to me and I would like to do something very special for her.

Kathy

Kathy ,

Sounds like you are doing it. Being there for her, taking care of everyday task must be a relief for her.

I found out that although I felt the world should stop while I cared for my grandmother it does not. The dishes get dirty, the house needs cleaned, the bills kept coming. Going to the pharmacy for the family, doing the chores all this is very much appreciated. Cooking meals and bringing them in.

It may seem small to you , but to your much loved friend and family it is a big relief.

Hugs,

Carrie

Colleen,

Are you still around? I just saw this thread. My sister had bc 9 yrs ago. I was diagnosed in 2/07. One of our other sisters had uterine and cervical cancer in 6/06. We have one more that is cancer free so far.

Feel free to pm me. or post again here, at any time....I'll give you whatever words of wisdom I can. Sadly, I am way too experienced in this arena.

Hugs girl,

Traci

Hi: Thanks so much.  I didn't look back at this site until a month after I joined. I am so glad I did.  I will "use you" for a springboard. My beautiful sister will start months of chemo and radiation.  I am frightened, and want to be strong when I see her.  When I visit her I want to be bright, positive, and there for her 100%.  I think what many who have not gone through this fail to see is how it effects the family members.  Breast cancer devastates us all.  Thanks.

Colleen

Quinnie: I love your name! Thanks for you note.  It helps to get advice from someone who is in the same shoes as my sister.  I wondered if she we be offended if I called and asked a million questions, if I send her "pink slippers", and books of quotes from women who have had cancer.  You just aren't sure what the right thing is to do. (By the way I have done all of the above).  I will be writing here over the next couple months.  My vacation is at the end of March through first week in April.  I will spend it with my sister, and still don't know what to expect from her or myself.  I will try not to worry about it and just let thing unfold.

Thanks,

Colleen

My sis has stage 4 metastatic breast cancer (bones and lungs). She is undergoing chemo now. She has a hard time breathing and can't do anything. It is horrible to watch. I am grieving her and she is still alive- I am simply devastated.

Thanks for your note, it made me feel positive about what I have been doing to help my sister.  Sometimes "sisters" come in other ways via friends.  Although my sister is my friend, I have friends and other relatives I consider to be "sisters".  Hopefully you have friends and others who are engaged in journey.  A support group?  My sister says some of the best support comes from those who are going through the same dilema. 

Hi Brendast:  I was put in this very situation back in November.  At first I just sat and cried. I just didn't understand how families get through this sort of thing. How do you keep up with everyday activities when this is on your mind? I did let friends and family know what I was thinking.  I find some of the people I am closer to at work are a comfort to me since they will ask how my sister is doing. Some people just aren't empathetic. This site is a good place to "talk".  There is also a website called "CaringBridge" where your sister can keep a journal and each time she makes an entry has the choice to notify friends and family.  My sister is on CaringBridge.  It is great because when she has chemo or a bad day she enters that and everyone knows.  Then I can e-mail her, or call with some hopefully healing words.  It is all about her right now.  Even though we used to talk for hours about everything under the sun the focus now is cancer, treatment, her life.  Be prepared to listen, listen and listen.  Even though my sister appears to be upbeat I know in her core this is all she thinks about. I live far from my sister too; me in Detroit, she in Minneapolis.  I keep in touch with her a few times each week, send her things to cheer her up, and plan to spend my Spring Break with her.  It is devastating, isn't it?  It just plain sucks. (as my students would say....I teach high school) All of us on this board have each other for support too.

E-mail anytime,

Colleen

Gert: Being so far away is awful isn't it? But you can call and give her support, send her loving e-mails. What are some of her favorite things? The day my sister was diagnosed I sent her flowers. Since then books, funny cards, or a hand written letter.  Do you have some time coming up where you could fly home to be with her? Does she have a support team in the West Indies?  I know that my sister's friends and fiance have been a huge source of comfort for me, just knowing that they go to appointments with her, stay with her and support her. I know she appreciates the calls!  As I mentioned in the previous letter, be prepared to listen.

You are not empty! There are so many more ways to show you care other than being physically present.

Love,

Colleen

Dear Sissykar,

I'm sorry. For your sister devestated by this disease, and you, devestated by the thought of loosing your sister.

I'm also sorry I did not respond on the 5th to your new post. I always try to welcome newcomers here at breastcancer.org forum because it truly is a good source for support.

But your post slipped through, just when you need support the most. This makes me feel horrible.

Please come back and post again, should you wish. Or look in your "my home" and we can converse by private message if that works better for you.

Might your sister possibly join us on the mets thread?

Anyway, I hope you eventually get this message of regret, because it's meant from my heart.

Tender

Sissy: You are in my thoughts and prayers. Having 4 sisters, I can't imagine having one suffering as your sister is. I rememer when 2 of my sisters had biopsies over the past few years and I was sick until we heard their good news. Sister really have a special bond and can feel each others pain.

Brenda: Its hard to say good news when one is diagnosed with BC. That said,she does have what seems to be a very treatable BC. I have mentioned this in other threads but my 4 sisters have signed up for a sister study. It takes only a little bit of their time initially (2 hours or so) then they are contacted every year by mail to fill out a questinaire. If you are interested the email address is: info@sisterstudy.org. Of course it is free and they even give you a phone card!! My sister has already started the process and a certified home care agency will come and draw blood, take dust from your house (that would be easy for me!!), urine sample, toe nail clippings and go through a questionaire regarding life styles, diet, exercise etc. trying to find a link. The study involved 50,000 women and they already have 35,000. The study will last 10 years. My sisters felt this was something they could do to support me and the cause. Good luck to your sister and keep in touch here. This has been a great support for me as well as others.

Quinnie

Hi: I have empathy for your situation. If anyone understands it is the "sisters" who are here on this site.  My sister too started her chemo 2 weeks ago.  That evening she became so violently ill she had to be rushed to the hosipital, where she was IV'd more anti-nausea drugs and  hydrated.  Her ordeal is the opposite of your sister's; she had her masectomy first back in January. Now she will endure chemo every two weeks, then this summer daily radiation. I look at photos of her and she looks thin, soon all her hair will be gone.  I feel so sad.  My sister goes to counseling for her "spiritual side" and also goes to nutrician counseling.  She is very very positive. I think that is half the battle.  Is your sister going to some counseling??  Does she talk about her situation?  Maybe she needs to really express her feelings, and she may need some guidance.  I will see my sister for the first time since her diagnosis in a couple weeks, so then I will be able to better judge her mental abilities to continue to fight this.  Cancer really sucks!! Hope your sister improves and is able to deal with the surgery. 

Colleen

Hi Again: That is interesting. My sister had a mamogram in August 2007 and was given a "clean bill of health".  In November she has stage 3 breast cancer.  It makes you wonder, doesn't it.  She is encouraging all of her female relatives to get CAT scans or MRI. Her own physicians now are saying the mamograms just aren't reliable. So why aren't we all just getting the better scan?  I have heard this story too many times.  My sister is for her situation doing well.  She is usually an upbeat person, but I think in her core she also believes that a positive attitude will help her beat this. Let me know how things go after her visit tomorrow.

Colleen

Hi There Brendast: My heart goes out to you. I went through this same experience back in the first week in January. My sister is now making her way through chemo, recently lost all her hair in one shower session, and had to rent out her condo to make ends meet.  I feel really, really bad for her. This may sound gruesome but we spoke on the phone for over an hour the other day and she laughed and joked about all her trials!  I am sure once you get through the initial pain, shock, diagnosis and being pissed off you then enter a stage of some normalcy. My sister tells me constantly that the family and friends who visit, call, write, send surprizes,etc. are what really gets her through all this.  I will see her in a couple weeks! My prayers are with your family tomorrow. This is the rough spot, having the surgery and the final diagnosis. Then the plan of action can go into effect.

Colleen