Topic: mom wants no treatment

It may be a generational thing. My aunt hid the enormous lump in her breast until one day her daughter accidentally saw it. I have another aunt that refused radiation treatments because she didn't want to be a bother to her kids - driving back and forth.

There is a lot that can be done, especially for the pain.

Depending on what the test tell --- the Dr. can give a pretty good idea about prognosis..... but only God knows. I know a man - given 6 months to live with brain cancer. Three years later - he is still going strong!

God bless!

I'm sorry to hear this...my Dad did the same thing a few years back. Him and Mom had been married 50 yrs, she passed away 10 yrs prior to him..When he found out, he  told me, I"m tired, and I miss your Mom and want to be with her and he refused treatment. Of course he had liver cancer also which if you don't treat, spreads quickly. He was with us a few months and then gone. He was 73. Sounds to me as if your Mom has already resigned herself...she needs someone to talk to, to be told this is treatable sucessfully. And it's no wonder she's depressed, hiding something like this, has to weigh big time on your heart and mind.

Prayers are with you

Deb

thanks for the replies good to know not alone. moms bone and pet scans came back. she has cancer in all her bones lymph nodes stomach chest and lungs. this info came from her general practioner. she has appt. to see oncologist next week. everyday she gets new pains in body. her pain meds are only working couple days then have to be increased or changed. talked to a lady from hospice who said she was shocked mom was still alive when i told her where the breast cancer had spread. was wondering if anyone has any idea how long she has. from what i can guess would be 2 months .

My Mom In Law (94) was recently diagnosed with Invasive Ductual Carcinoma w/Lymph involvement. It was "accidently" discovered when we took her in for angiogram and possible stent. We found out she had a lump the size of a walnut,but the cancer is the size of a lemon.  She had been HIDING it from her doctors for who knows how long. She wanted to get her heart fixed first then she said she was going to deal with the lump.  HA.  Her brother died of lung cancer. So she knew what she was dealing with.  Problem is... with Congestive Heart Failure she is not a candidate for ANY surgery to try to abate the cancer. My husband is beside himself with anger over her hiding this. He has diabetes II and she claims not to tell him things to eliminate his stress. Even though we have told her waiting is more stressful.  She won't tell us if she is in pain. We go to oncologist on 6/22.  I am trying to help my husband and his bro help their mom... anything those who have gone thru this can tell me, will greatly help me. Without the stent in her heart, she may not have to endure too much.  The heart failure is progressing.  Thanks. 

I have been sick with Bronchitis since I posted my dilema and then since not used to these posts had a hard time finding where it was.  Thanks for your replies of concern. All is helpful.. My MIL...is enduring appts on behalf of her sons. She told me yesterday at Oncol..she is doing all of this for them.  I get along with her very well and have told her a couple of times that she needs to decide what is right for her not them. I told both of them what she said later. The Oncol. thinks they can do a lumpectomy (and I suspect will require Auxilary lymph removal) One lymph gland is very swollen.  It ALL has to be done under a LOCAL., because of her heart failure issues. I wish they would let me in the operating room. I could help keep her calm.  She not only panicicked during an attempt at Stent but ended up with fluid in her lungs an the stent was aborted and she was admitted. I am doing TONS of research so I can ease her into what to expect and following some of what I see here.  We see Surgeon Wed.  Then she will have to decide. My husband and Bro I Law are thinking/hoping this surgery could eliminate further pain and problems down the line for her.  She probably only has less than a year to live anyway with her heart.. But they don't want her to have Pain on top of it.  So far none. The lump is size of dried flat apricot (per oncol). I showed her in store yesterday. But it is the lymph and I know about possible complications that come.  I have told her I will stay with her after surgery if she decides to do it and help with her care as needed.  I have a lot of Faith and do a lot of praying.  She and her family don't. Thank GOD for my faith. IT really helps me help them all.  Do you know of a section of those who have gone thru lumpectomies?  I want to get direct feedback to better help her. (Erma is her name)  THANKS AGAIN.  Hope to get back more ofter

so sad to hear... doc said he could see through moms femur bone gonna do treatment for pain some type of radiotherapy thing. any type of chemo or radiation is not gonna happen all docs said cancer to progressed to far. dont think she can physically handle it either. have a question about her fluid . she is taking fluid pills but they dont work her stomach legs feet are huge. she dont go to next doc for 6 days the doc she saw today for pain said other doc might put her on hormone drugs was wondering if this will do any good cancer in belly has eaten through most of the lining. am afraid the fluid will go to the lungs before  she sees doc is this possible? everyone tells me to calm down that the docs know what they doin but i worry about every little thing and she wont let me go to doc s with her and her and dad ask no questions,

thanks 61linda yeah been taking some xanax for my anxiety seems to work pretty well. moms been in hospital since thursday she vomited black stuff which was blood and has been pooping blood for awhile . of course she told knowone. dad saw the vomit we took her straight to hospital she was dehydrated and anemic they did more tests said it coming from her liver. the drained fluid from her belly today . she feels little better but still on the morphine. we didnt even know it was in the liver. she said i could be there when doc comes in tomorrow so hopefully can find out everything. new doc came in yesterday told her he wants to do chemo he said he cant quarentee her but that she sould live 5 more years and with some people the chemo has no side effects is this true? everyone wants me to talk her into chemo she says she just wants to die and be in no more pain... mom is a straight shooter i dont want to mislead her at all the docs wont give her any percentages of outcome of patients in her condition. the brain scan came back ok. how do i know the right thing to do? who can i go to who will give straight facts? mom doesnt trust this doc  cause he wont answer her all he says is that he is not god. well she knnows that sometimes false hope is worse than no hope

Hi Cheri and tid. I was away for just over three weeks and got back this morning. Hope you got the information you needed to help manage post op. The Am Cancer Society has lots of great ideas and I hope you connected. This was a long time and I'm sure lots of things have happened in your families. My experience has been if the docs think things are looking bad, they won't say much one way or the other.
tid. I was very fortunate and didn't have to do chemo so I can't tell you what that was like. There are other threads on this site that have a lot of information and support. You will find no doc can guarantee anything. They can tell you percentages and sometimes what her chances are but every person responds uniquely so it's impossible to tell ahead of time how she will respond. Mostly this is educated guessing which is why you want a well educated doc and why the more you know the better decision you all can make. What did your Mom decide to do? If your Mom doesn't like and doesn't trust this doc, call somebody else although I don't think any doc can give her what she wants because there are no certainties. The bottom line is if your Mom is ready to let nature take it's course without fighting back, then all you and the medical system can do is help her through it by accepting that as her decision. That is really hard to do. Watching her go is harder still. It sounds like your Mom was quickly going from bad to worse and staying on top of her medical condition was tricky.
Cheri: How did your MIL do with the surgery? How are you managing with her complaints? There is no winning when no matter what you do, it's the wrong thing. For sure, she has plenty to complain about. The lymph node dissection from my armpit was the worst part for me and still is swollen. The radioactive injection was to help locate the sentinel node and the surgeon may also have injected some blue dye. The more nodes the surgeon takes out the harder it is post-op and also increases the risk of lymphedema down the road. Getting her to keep using her arm post-op and not lifting any weights until the doc gives his Ok is important. She needs to do the stretching exercises every day until she has regained normal range of motion and then continue to do them to maintain it. I started doing them in the shower when I was all warmed up. I found a good book about this in the library at my hospital and photocopied the exercises. I started massaging the scars as soon as I could tolerate touching myself and that has helped. I also did a lot of stroking the surface of the skin when the nerves started regrowing which caused a lot of burning pain. Some women experience itching at this time. I still use a little pillow under my armpit and another to keep the seatbelt off my chest when driving. It decreases the vibrations and I lost only 8 nodes. Also I use an ace wrap occasionally very lightly applied.There is nothing easy about any of this. My MIL grew up in an orpanage, too. She had some strange ways of doing things that drove her kids nuts but she and I had a lot in common and I loved her and miss her. She's been gone 4 years from heart disease.
Are you finally over that sinus infection and bronchitis? There was a bug like that going around that took nearly a month to clear. Please do what you can to take care of yourself, too.

Another pretty odd post i am reporting. Again, I am afraid to click on the links to dee what daneildavid is selling.

tld33 wrote: her doc had her chart asked her why she hasnt been going to treatment for her breast cancer that was diagnosed 2 years ago.

You mean her doctor didn't refer her for treatment or follow up on her? Doesn't that make him negligent?  Just my opinion......