My wife had breast cancer and had a masscectmy last year,after kemo we thought we had it beat.then brenda found another lump 3mths. ago.She had an appointment on dec.5th to have an ultrasound mammagram,we have been fosterparent's for the last 13yrs.we adopted 2 children,david 10 he was only 1 day old and his sister starla 12yrs. old 18mths.old when she came to us.We fostered keenan 11yrs. old and his brother dean 9yrs. old.keenan,dean and starla had an appointment in prince george on dec3rd. with their doc.,all 4 of the kid's were dinoised with F.A.S. On that horrible day dec3rd./07my wife and babies were killed in a headon crash with a semi 36km's east of vanderhoof bc. how do I go on,I not looking for pity or sympathy!!!!! I just wanna know how to get through the day/minute or even second??????? I'm really mad at god right now.
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73gr Joined: Jun 2006 Posts: 811 |
Dec 22, 2007 08:13 am
73gr wrote:
Dear Norm, i'm really sorry for your family. it's a horrible experience and i don't know what to say. Please know that you are not alone, you are in our thought and prayers, keep posting, you will find a lot of support here Dx 12/1/1991, , Stage IV, 1/20 nodes, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2+ |
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TenderIsOur
Joined: May 2007 Posts: 4,499 |
Dec 22, 2007 08:22 am, edited Mar 19, 2008 12:31 PM
by TenderIsOurMight
TenderIsOurMight wrote:
Dx IDC, Stage II, Grade 2, ER/PR+, HER-
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Beesie Joined: Jan 2006 Posts: 4,155 |
Dec 22, 2007 11:21 am
Beesie wrote:
Norm, I had heard about the accident on the news. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the pain that you must be feeling. Of course you are mad - you have every right to be. My experience with personal loss is nothing like what you are going through now, but from my experience, my suggestions are to take it one day (or one hour or one minute) at a time, to try to remember the good times that make you smile at the memory, and when it's most difficult, to go on because you know that's what your wife and children would have wanted you to do. My thoughts are with you. |
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SISKimberly
Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 761 |
Dec 22, 2007 11:32 am, edited Dec 23, 2007 06:37 PM
by SISKimberly
SISKimberly wrote:
Norm, I cannot even put into words my feelings at this moment...my heart hurts for you. To lose your wife and your children all at once in one tragic accident is just too much to even imagine going through...and yet you will go through it, in a fog at first, as you get through the shock of it.
Dx 10/10/2007, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIa, Grade 2, 4/10 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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chemo072 Joined: Mar 2007 Posts: 729 |
Dec 23, 2007 02:23 am, edited Dec 23, 2007 02:35 AM
by chemo072
chemo072 wrote:
Hugs and more hugs and words can't begin to console, but i hold you in prayers in a bed of light...in the depths of the darkness of grief may that golden light be a soothing comfort... I'm not Jewish but I always thought the concept of sitting shiva sounded right to me.....with such a radical change, to have a communal, tangible expression of that change....cover the mirrors, shave your head, ask the neighbors to bring food, call friends and any relatives to come be with you, and any religious group that you're part of.... what a terrible time of year....and the funeral arrangements....oh, it's so hard to wrap one's mind/spirit around. my heart is with you.... i grew up in seattle btw, love BC getting through the day with so much grief....one hour at a time, 15 minutes if need be, eat on time, drink water, breathe.... also, maybe an escape to somewhere warm? maybe a change of scenery at some point? I have no idea how I'd get through if I lost 5 family members at once. Either I'd want to be where people knew what had happened, or I'd want totally the opposite....but grief is a sneaky SOB so maybe being home would be best for the time being, to seek refuge....it's such a challenge, that kind of depth of grieving is a sacred space of sorts, but yet one has to let the world back in... but I'd be sorely tempted to go to a healing retreat, to a warm beach on Thailand or to swim in warm waters in Hawaii and just let nature be the salve that it is... there are grief counselors aren't there? maybe they'd have suggestions? or maybe a hospice worker would? I'm totally out of my depth here.... be really good to yourself.... - R Mast. 3/29, AC+Tdd done!, rads oct/nov 07
Dx 3/13/2007, IDC, 1cm, Stage II, Grade 1, 1/16 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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SISKimberly
Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 761 |
Dec 23, 2007 12:13 pm, edited Dec 23, 2007 06:38 PM
by SISKimberly
SISKimberly wrote:
OZ posted this poem she found several years ago on the internet on a different thread (I altered the singular to be plural)...no author attached. I thought it might bring you some comfort...and I know tears will fall, too. Norm...one moment at a time. Your SIS(Sister In Survival) Kimberly
Dx 10/10/2007, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIa, Grade 2, 4/10 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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JapanLynn Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 472 |
Dec 23, 2007 03:43 pm
JapanLynn wrote:
Dear Norm, I can't even imagine the pain of loss you must be feeling. Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers, and I'll pray for the repose of the souls of your dear family. Love, Lynn Dx 7/30/2007, IDC, 1cm, Stage Ia, Grade 3, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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PuppyFive Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 4,303 |
Dec 23, 2007 03:51 pm
PuppyFive wrote:
Norm, all I can say is how Sorry I am for You! wish I could say more, but I am speechless right now and crying my eyes out wishing You Strength to go on! Gods Speed Puppy One of these days "I'm gonna Love me" t.m.
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hi5 Joined: Dec 2006 Posts: 424 |
Dec 24, 2007 04:14 am
hi5 wrote:
Norm...my heart goes out to you and the extreme pain you must be feeling. I don't know what or who you believe in but I believe you are a loving, compassionate ma. The love you gave to your wife and children will serve you well in your period of mourning; they will be watching over you in your time of grief and will ease your pain. Please know that I care for you. |
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 24, 2007 01:59 pm
norm wrote:
thanks,right now I don't know what else to say,but thank you |
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 24, 2007 02:00 pm
norm wrote:
thanks |
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 24, 2007 02:01 pm
norm wrote:
thanks |
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 24, 2007 02:01 pm
norm wrote:
thanks |
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 24, 2007 02:02 pm
norm wrote:
thanks |
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 24, 2007 02:03 pm
norm wrote:
thanks |
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 24, 2007 02:03 pm
norm wrote:
thanks |
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 24, 2007 02:04 pm
norm wrote:
thanks |
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 24, 2007 02:05 pm
norm wrote:
thanks |
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PuppyFive Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 4,303 |
Dec 24, 2007 03:07 pm
PuppyFive wrote:
{{{Norm}}} 5 NEW {{ANGELS}} are Looking Down on You, Right now Saying I Love You, Please do not be Sad, Plant a Tree for Each one of us, and WE Will take care of them and YOU can whatch US GROW! Bless You, life as You knew it will never be the same, But knowing You have 5 {{ANGELS}} Whatching Over You, is Priceless! I so hope I helped You! God Bless, Puppy One of these days "I'm gonna Love me" t.m.
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AlaskaDeb Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 3,712 |
Dec 24, 2007 04:30 pm
AlaskaDeb wrote:
Prayers are going out for you. I wish I had some advice, but I can't think of anything helpful other than saying a prayer. Hugs Deb C http://glassylady41.spaces.live.com/
Dx 12/7/2005, IDC, 3cm, Grade 2, 27/32 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- |
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 24, 2007 07:20 pm
norm wrote:
To all that have left their comment's;thank you for your thought's and prayers.Your kind words bring on more tears for me,knowing that people are praying for us is comfort.I am soooooooo mad at god,I doubt he's listening to me right now,which maybe its good he's not. I am beleavier in him,but right now it's hard to understand why. I wish you a merry christmas sincerly;norm |
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PuppyFive Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 4,303 |
Dec 25, 2007 11:00 am
PuppyFive wrote:
{{NORM}} Please know many times I have been mad at God!! and I think He does Listen,and hears Our Pain! He hears You, Dear Brother! and I Believe He Understands! Soon the Pain will Lighten, and the Beauty of Your Memories will take over! It is just a very long "SOON" Please know, my prayers will not stop and always be with You! Gods Speed Dear Brother Debby One of these days "I'm gonna Love me" t.m.
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junie Joined: Apr 2003 Posts: 1,866 |
Dec 25, 2007 07:58 pm
junie wrote:
Dear Norm--such devastation in your life. I am truly sorry. I read the tribute to Brenda--what a loving, caring person she was. How blessed you are to have shared her life for too short a time. I have no words of comfort, but my heart is heavy with your grief. May you soon see sunshine instead of shadows..... gentle hugggssssss----junie |
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yellowfarmh
Joined: Feb 2005 Posts: 882 |
Dec 25, 2007 09:26 pm
yellowfarmhouse wrote:
I just cannot imagine what you are going through. As a mom of five -- one adopted, I just cannot fathom the pain you are feeling. It just seems like going through breast cancer was hard enough... All I can say is that I'm praying for you tonight and will continue. with sadness, Wendy |
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 25, 2007 09:47 pm
norm wrote:
thank you,junni. brenda was one of a kind to say the least!!!!!!!where did you read her tribute at?I sooooooo miss her and the kid's...if only we could turn back time,it a comfort that she phoned me 27min's before the............and the last word's we said to each other were I loveyou and as alway's ,brenda said I love you more. thank's norm |
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candie1971 Joined: Jun 2006 Posts: 4,342 |
Dec 25, 2007 11:09 pm
candie1971 wrote:
Norm, my heart and prayers go out to you. I wish you peace. With heartfelt sympathy, Candie Life may not be the party we hoped for..but while we are here, we might as well dance.
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 26, 2007 10:52 pm
norm wrote:
Well christmas is over,it was hard.We alway's made christmas a great time for the kid's .Some of the children we've fostered over the year's never had a good christmas,so brenda and I would make sure it was special for them.It won't ever be the same will it? I keep thinking brenda and the kid's are gonna walk through the door any minute and I'll wake up from this nightmare.......I'm not going crazy,I know that's not gonna happen.God please help me deal and accept what has happened,make me understand WHY??????? norm |
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SISKimberly
Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 761 |
Dec 28, 2007 03:49 pm
SISKimberly wrote:
Just as Brenda survived cancer, so will you survive this tragic loss. Minute by minute, Norm.
Dx 10/10/2007, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIa, Grade 2, 4/10 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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norm Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 227 |
Dec 28, 2007 05:26 pm, edited Dec 29, 2007 12:39 AM
by norm
norm wrote:
Thank you,Kimberly,as hard as christmas was it came with a blessing!We had bought some gifts for the kids before the........had happened.Keenan and Dean wanted new bikes for christmas so we got them back in nov. and put them away.In our neighborhood there's 2 little guys Peter&Sylis(9&11yrs.old)they lost their parents 3or4 yrs ago.They are staying with their aunt and uncle and he's not employed right now so I know money is tight for them.So my son Eddie and I took the bikes and other gifts we had and gave them to the boy's.their little eyes lit up and at that moment I amost felt human again........It felt so good to make their christmas alittle brighter and I know brenda and the kids would want me to do this.Brenda,and our 4 boy's and starla were very giving and loving children!!!!!!!They loved to see people happy. Thanks for listening.........norm |
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peachy49 Joined: Jul 2006 Posts: 624 |
Dec 29, 2007 06:29 am
peachy49 wrote:
Norm, Since I have not experienced this, I can only offer you my prayers and some much needed hugs. This is something that no-one can fathom. The fact that you are here talking about it is nothing short of a miracle. Parents that have lost children (my mother, my aunt),say its the most painful and agonizing experience ever, & have told me there is no true recovery, and only time brings the happy memories to the forefront. With time, you will be able to recall all the wonderful things your wife, you and your precious children shared without feeling such ovewhelming sadness. When I look up in the night sky, I talk to my baby brother and ask him to watch over all children, which I know he does. May your wife and children rest in the arms of the Lord forever and always. Gain your strength from knowing that you are doing what your wife would want you to do, keep living. What a thoughtful thing you did for those children at Christmas.. These are the things that she would want I'm sure. God Bless you.. ¤PeachyMarie§¤
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