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Nov 3, 2008 08:28 AM Jane_M wrote:
I apologize if this is the wrong thread to post this on, but I would like to share a little about why I feel that God has placed me on this path for a reason.
I would also like to forewarn you all that this will probably be a long post, so you might want to skip it.
My mom passed away 5 years ago. I had been her primary caregiver for several years before she died and I was with her when she passed. This occurred at the same time my son was leaving for the Navy. I felt a horrible emptiness in my heart and I didn't know how to fill it. I turned first to prescription drugs and then decided they would work better if combined with alcohol.
In 2005, I reached a bottom so low that I wanted to kill myself. On June 30, 2005, I was admitted to a psych center after an accidental overdose of Fioricet. I spent a week there where I learned (admitted) that I had a drug and alcohol problem. When I was released, I joined the ranks of alcoholics anonymous. (On a side note, I would like to mention that my grandfather, father, brother and neice all had substance abuse problems.) I have been sober since June 30, 2005, with the help of the Spritual Program of AA. For those of you not familiar with the program, Step 2 of the program instructs, "Came to believe that a Power Greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." and Step 3 instructs us to "Turn our wills and lives over to the care of God as we understand Him."
I realized that God never left me during this period. I left God. Through working these steps, I once again was able to rejuvenate my faith in God and once again become an active participant in my church. I also began doing service work in my AA home group and began sponsoring other women, sharing with them Who keeps me sober one day at at time.
I believe that God permitted me to become an addict/alcoholic to enable me to be of service to others.
Last summer, my husband was having problems with kidney stones. During his work up, an ulstrasound showed a tumor on one of his kidneys. He had to have the tumor and part of his kidney removed. It was cancerous, but was Stage 0. His has little or no risk of recurrence as the tumor was removed with clean margins and this type of cancer does not metastesize.
I believe that going through that experience with my husband last summer prepared both of us to handle what I am going through now. He now knows how I felt last summer and I now know how he felt.
Now, I am going through my own struggle. I have already had many opportunities to use this experience to witness to others. Some of this has been active, some passive. When the opportunity arises and people ask, I let them know that the source of my strength is God. Others simply watch the way I am handling my troubles with grace and dignity and it gives them strength and gratitude for what they have.
I am so glad that I found this thread. It just reinforces, for me, that God is holding me in His hands and, regardless of the ultimate outcome, He will allow me to continue being an instrument of His peace.
I am grateful today for another day to wake up and be able to get out of bed, for a warm roof over my head and food in my fridge, for my family and friends, for kitties and puppies, and the Lord God who has given it all.
Dx 8/13/2008, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIb, Grade 3, 7/20 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-