Topic: please help

I am gonna get sick of seeing my pic on here..I am posting way too much but I want to tell you of a spooky thing....the week prior to the diagnosis after the biopsy...my twin sister had booked those dates to have breast implants.... what cruel timing in life and what an incredible coincidence xx...

Hi Sue,

It's good to hear from you; guess it's about 9:45 p.m. in the U.K. or so. How are your boys doing?

Regarding the 1 inch: until the surgery is done, and the pathologist gives his or her reading, you really don't know about size as it could be a tad more or less. Perhaps too, there's a lot of inflammatory reaction now, as you say it hurt's and this is more common with pain. So, that might be artificially inflating the size, yes? I inch, or 2.5 cm is just a little above the 2 cm (3/4 of an inch about) cut off for Stage 1 (no nodes necessary too). So, it isn't that big as you can see.

You have a twin sister! Amazing. Do you look alike? Wow, two pretty English woman. And how DO you ladies keep your milky white skin? Anyways, more serious, might she wish to wait on her augmentation in light of this, being your twin, so she might consider genetic issues and implants, should this be what is found? Not wishing to overstep here, yet this comes to my mind....

So glad to know your still writing and laughing.
Tender

Sue, bilateral means having both breasts removed. The term contralateral is sometimes used.

My lump was slightly over an inch and only one breast was affected. I was given the option of just removing the lump with radiation treatment afterwards, but I chose to have both breasts removed, hoping to avoid  radiation, chemotherapy, and worries about it coming back in the other breast.

One of my lymph nodes had cancer cells, though, so I will need chemo, but not radiation. The breast that had no cancer showed changes that tend to develop into cancer, so I was pleased with my decision. 

On size, if your tumor is 1 inch (2.5 centimeters) it puts you in category 2 out of 3 for tumor size. Category 1 is less than or equal to 2 centimeters. Category 2 is between 2 and 5 centimeters, Catgory 3 is larger than 5 centimeters.This is just one part of looking at your cancer. After surgery, when all pathology and other tests are finished, your doctors will have a clearer picture of what is there and how to treat it.

Tender...does the 1 inch include the invasive as well as insitu do you think ...

Can somebody explain why I feel so relievd and happy tonight...I aint taking anything...can you feel the love going on in my life...Also....I have such an appetite for the past 2 weeks LOL...my body is preparing...or is it cos I recharge my batterys after a weeks hol from work... xx

If after this MRI scan result I am offered the option of bilateral...I will be in a quandry if only for double the pain...

Oh, it is impossible to post too much! You post any old time you want to. This is what this site is for. AND one inch isn't that big. Dr. Susan Love talks about size in her book. She says that she has patients with big, old, lazy tumors that are taken out and never appear again, and occasionally, a gal with a pin sized cancer has mets almost at once. You don't know and so stop worrying about this. We had a gal not too long ago whose cancer was 12cm. She is just fine. Crazy thing, this cancer.

Hugs, Shirlann

PS: I get sick of my mug too!!!!!

Yes, the one inch (can't remember where this was measured, ? ultrasound) that was previously biopsied and showed DCIS and invasive, usually shows on lumpectomy a mixture of DCIS and invasive. So, yes, understanding that the final measurement is done by the pathologist.

If the MRI shows something bilateral, you can come back here and the ladies will talk you through that, of course along with your fine U.K. doctors!

One question, are you having the genetic test done, the BRCA test? I know you've told your doctor about your Mom and Grandmother; so I'm wondering if he has arranged for the hospital genetics department to talk with you, and if you agree, run the test. The results might help you if they can come back before your surgery.

Your family is so intertwined: your surgery so close in date to your Mom's passing 20 years ago, and your sister's breast surgery so close to your breast diagnosis. I had lot's of anniversaries too: found out about my own situation on my 20th wedding anniversary night, and started my chemotherapy on my birthday. I said it was my birthday gift to myself!

Keep smiling, you're making me smile too!
Tender

Shirlann,

"Every one of us have been down this black hole of despair. It is hard, at night the squirrels come out and run around the room and drive you nuts with worry, we have all had this and more."

That is just too good! Definitely one for the memory books!

Tender

P.S. Still don't know where to look on the new site to post the smiley faces...

It may matter, Sue. First, you don't know if you do carry the genes. Do or do not, it might help guide your doctors and you in surgical decision and timing of surgery(s).

Remember, even if you do carry the gene, it does not mean disease is by any means, expressed everywhere, either in your opposite breast or your ovaries, at this time. That's really important to keep in mind, cause as Shirlann said, otherwise you may have yourself much farther down a path than you truly are.

Tender

No trouble ever, Sue. It is always an honor in life to help one another.

Tender

sorry to post. I am feeling very very down tonight. I think I will die within the next year or 2 or even if its 7 I will never see my kids grow up..I am extremley low...I am disbelieving...I have been like this all day...yday I was OK .... now tonite I am v rundown no energy and my tongue hurts like crazy. I have a craving for vinegar again......

(apologies for the long-winded comment) 

Such panic today! I'd like you to go to  http://community.breastcancer.org/topic/5/conversation/673568
and read the 11th comment by Nicole. It has kept me going through all the fear and depression. It's simple, doable, and very, very smart.

You seem to keep wrestling with the panic of having no control and falling into the "what-ifs". It's all too familiar. Here's what I did at the same point.

Had my family make meals to freeze so that I wouldn't have to worry about cooking for a while after surgery. I actually dipped into the meals a couple of times before surgery when I couldn't cope with cooking.

Came here to get support and information. (wise move, BTW)

Composed emails for family and friends who were interested, giving them information about what was going on, what was planned, test results, etc.

Made an appointment with a therapist so that I had someone not involved in any way to talk to. Sometimes we hold back around family or friends, not wanting to upset them. You don't have to worry about that with a "professional friend" as I like to call my therapist.

Sent an email to the pastor of the church I have belonged to for years, but only attend occasionally. I explained in the email what I was facing as well as the fact that I am agnostic, hovering on the edge of atheism, so I didnt' want or need a lot of "God-talk". What I really wanted from him was an occasional phone call to remind me of life. When he called, he asked if I would mind being included on the prayer chain, and I said I'll take any help I can get! It can't hurt.  The first week or two he called every few days, even when he was at a conference out of town. Now it's every week or so. It's been wonderful. We just chat on the phone, as if we were friends catching up on things. He asks about my kids and family. He tells me what is going on in his life. This reminds me that life goes on, and I will, too. Just what I had hoped to get from him.

I set up a durable power of attorney for health care so that health care decisions would be made for me by the person I trust if I can't make them for some reason.

I cut my longish hair short, as a baby step towards losing my hair during chemo, which may or may not happen, but the change was actually kind of fun. I like it!

When anyone asked if they could do something, I said yes and gave them an assignment. It makes them feel less helpless. A neice brought me a Starbuck's latte a couple of times. (a good role for your sister?) Another person delivered some fresh fruit and veggies to supplement the frozen meals. Others will be driving me to appointments to give my usual driver a break.  

I accepted the fact that I was too terrified of some of the tests and the surgery to think about them. I decided to just go to appointments and trust that I would cope however I could. None of it was easy, none of it was as hard as I thought it would be. I have coped. That has surprised me no end.

All these things were under my control and helped me cope with the cancer, which was totally out of my control. To focus on that over which you have control helps to make the rest bearable.

Hang in there. You got through giving birth, life's crises...you will get through this, too.

And for goodness sakes, laugh...especially at yourself!

Hey dear Sueps, you are at the hardest part of this journey.  Just the worst.  Despair just creeps in around the door edges.  Can't stop it.

But when you KNOW that so many of us are just fine now, you can take heart.  Also, we are all with you in spirit, in the waiting rooms, when the curtains billow out, it is all of us, your sisters, watching over you.  We are in the surgery suite, in the recovery room, all our prayers and best thoughts will keep you safe.  You will NOT DIE in one or two years, you are going to be just fine.  You can trust us, we know.

When I weepily told my small bible class, about 25 women, 3 of them piped up.  One was 22 years post double mast, one 17 years post treatment and one 11 years post treatment.  I was stunned.  No one had ever said one word.  You can add 9 years to all these numbers, as these 3 gals are still just fine. 

So try your best to get over the dying thing.  You are not going to die.

You are loved and cherished.

Gentle hugs, Shirlann

Hi again Sueps, ALL breast  cancer is aggressive, I have never seen or heard of a path report that did not say that.  The gene thing is an indicater that you will get BC, but we already know that, it does NOT MEAN you are not going to recover.

AND they now have "oblation" pills for younger gals, if you are Estrogen Positive, that stop your periods and stop estrogen for several months at a time.  Super women athletes have used them for years, since their periods interfere with their conditioning routines, let alone the events they participate in.  Remember, if we were living in the bush, we would most probably be either pregnant or nursing most of the time.  This means very few periods, before we would be pregnant again.  The idea that your body "needs" periods is old-fashioned thinking.  So you can get your ovaries to an older stage quite easily and take that part out of the equation. 

So keep posting, someone is always around, and you are loved.

Hugs, Shirlann

Wow Tender what another great informative post...I just knew there was something wrong in the way I craved vinegar like mad and had brown sauce on all my subs at work...even with tuna....filled with dill pickles...lol....my friends thought I was a little crazy..I will mention your post to them when I go back to work tomorrow....I certainly have chronic fatigue with a very stressful and tiring job that unfortunately or fortunately whichever way up I love to bits...

Well I am feeling still down today...trying to fast forward everything and picturing myself as if it never happened...I am an extremey impatient ladee...and dont like changes and like things to be under control and of course work comes with a nice fat salary of which I need and theres the worry of that too....In fact theres that many worries this has caused that I will be asking to be given what ever it is they take out just so I can throw it against the wall and stamp on it with immence anger ... only when I have done my arm exercises of course....

It is 5 30 pm over in the UK ...I got back from ASDA and zonked out again.....I wont get time to catnap this week with working 8 til 6....

Love to everyone xx