Topic: "no cure for cancer"??

Oh sweetie, unfortunately no there is no cure just remission..And a lot of women are in remission for the rest of their natural life (meaning until they die of  something else)   Only then are we considered cured.....Sad to know but true.....Your son is such a sweet boy....Only tell him as much as you think he can handle and do get him counseling......It is going to be tough on him to his mommy so sick.......

I agree with Maryanne- If you die of something else many years later- you were cured of cancer... and that is happening more and more- peace and health to you- Tami

well said vivre. I feel the same way.

My thought was to say something like:  "Cancer is complicated.  You're right that it's not like when you get an ear infection (or whatever example he's familiar with) and the doctor gives you antibiotics.  The medicine cures the infection, and it is gone.  And you feel better right away!  With cancer, the doctors sometimes need to try a few different things to make it go away.  But when cancer is found early, like it was for me, almost always the doctors can make it go away, too.  For me, I will have surgery first, and then will take medication for a couple of months (or whatever is true for you).  I might feel pretty sick while I'm taking the medication and for awhile afterwards.  But then I'll start feeling better and better..." 

Something like that, anyway.  Best of luck to you!  Kids are amazing, huh?

Linda 

Your son is, unfortunately, right. Even after treatment, surgery... you can't "really" call yourself cured. I'll say this though, my oncologist told me that after my surgery, I might've been cured and that chemo was not really necessary. They just don't know and that sucks. I was dx in May 2005 and I'll say that while every passing year (or 3 mos or 6 mos lol) of good news is great, the fear never goes away. Scans are a crap shoot and while you hope and pray for good news, you know that you could get bad news at any time. I think I'd tell your very intelligent and aware son that while no, there's no cure at this time, that with your particular diagnosis and treatment plan, there's every reason to believe they will get it all! If he's a technology kid, you might set up google reader to send stories about "breast cancer." There have been dozens - probably a hundred or more - stories about research and advancements that really make me think something big is just around the corner. Maybe just seeing the headlines and the crux of the stories would help him (and you!) stay in a positive place when you get scared. xoxo

well said vivre. I feel the same way.

There is definitely a cure for breast cancer if it is caught early enough.  It's not a matter of opinion.  Tell your son that the word "cancer" refers to many different diseases, and even the term "breast cancer" includes many different diseases. 

These people who are telling you your son is right don't know what they're talking about.  My cancer is considered cured, not in remission.  If I do get breast cancer again, it will be considered a completely different, unrelated incidence of breast cancer.  

Desdemona, whatever gets you through the day, but with all due respect, there's no such thing as "cured" when it comes to BC. Women with DCIS can have recurrence and women who start as Stage IV can go into remission indefinitely. BC is unpredictable and can come back no matter stage 0 or 4.

Poppy has summed it up very well. No self respecting oncologist would use the word "cured". Some may never be troubled again with it-but the risk is always there. When you consider that it only takes a handful of malignant cells to escape treatment (and of course, they won't be detected on any scan), then it's not so hard to understand why this is so. They can lie dormant for many years, before dividing and growing again. In my case, 12 years (my primary was low grade, with no node involvement. I also went on to have prophylactic mastectomies and hysterectomy as I'm BRCA2-and yet here I am, with mets to pleura, liver and bones-what more could I have done?). In that time, I never once considered myself cured, and stayed alert to any changes in my health. Having said that, although I remained vigilant, I wasn't obsessive, and didn't go running for help at the sign of every ache and pain.

I've noticed recently that many people are looking for reassurance that they'll be "cured"-which is understandable. But the problem with asking this type of question is that the poster might not like the answer they get! Yes, it's true, some people will be disease free for long periods, and may die of other causes. But for many (and I'd interpret statistics with great caution, as they can be used to "prove " anything!), there will be further problems. Surely it's better to take this on board, rather than accept that all will be well-a bit like living in denial? Some prefer to live in denial-and that's fine, as it's a way of coping. Keep in mind that cancer is an extremely sneaky beast, which is more than capable of changing and mutating, which is why it would be irresponsible to assume that all will be well-for you or anyone. The oncs simply don't know-2 people could present the same diagnosis, have the same treatment-1 may do well, 1 may die...Incredibly, your 10 year old's statement is closer to the truth, than the assertions made here that it can be cured.

In their minds they may be cured but in their bodies they are still only in remission......My oncologist refuses to use the word cured...She is one of the top Oncologists in the nation and has two offices from which she treats her patients......I asked her outright if I was cured and she said no...You are only in remission and we hope to keep you that way........She doesn't sugar coat anything...She is very upfront and has yet to let me down on anything.........For those of you who consider yourselves cured I wish you the best and hope you never have to deal with a recurrence.....For me, I consider myself in remission and hope to stay that way.....With such a strong family history and losing a sister and mom to this beast I will never feel free of this curse.........

As Elaine pointed out 2 women can have the same diagnosis and treatment and 1 may live and 1 may die.......I have seen this personally.....My two neighbors had the same diagnosis and treatment yet one died after 3 yrs and the other is still here 15 yrs later.........

I am stage 1b ...I could be stage 4 tomorrow..Noone knows what the future holds.....I will continue to take my meds and see my onc and do whatever it takes...But I will never be cured ...I am NED (no evidence of disease).....But I am not cured........

So Vivre, anyone with recurrent cancer is mistaken-our oncs have got it wrong? I love your theories, but they don't stack up. If your claims held any grain of truth, then many of us would be cured.Do you honestly think that we haven't changed our lifestyles-that only you have been able to do this?? You carry on believing that you're cured-that is your perogative. But please afford some courtesies to those of us who believed that our disease was/is in remission, and are dealing with this as best we can.I hope you never have to experience the horror of recurrent disease-but then you might be prepared to listen to what others are trying to explain-it's not simply a case of change your lifestyle post diagnosis, and all will be well.  I honestly feel that being so blinkered in your approach, is doing you no good-it's great to be positive and have a fighting spirit, but it's an unequal fight between patient and cancer, and it might be wise to keep that in mind.

ElaineD

I feel everyone's pain who has to deal with b.c.  I understand the possibility of recurrence. I understand the possibiity of a new cancer.   My oncologist and i talked about that prior to my decision to have chemo.  I made the decision to go forth with chemo to help reduce the chances.  I think some of us like to have that positive spin.  I like to use the words I am cancer-free.

Elaine, I agree...I have met so many women who are vegans, exercise religiously and weigh and measure their food and what they eat and STILL came up with cancer....It's all a crap shoot.......And I am sincerely glad that all these women consider themselves cured, I really do.........There are so many vaiables in breast cancer.......Tumor type and grade and Her2 status to name a few........I hope all the beautiful women here stay cancer free myself included............

Vivre I sincerely hope you can live with yourself saying you are cured if it God forbid should ever come back as mets.......I could go from my stage 1 to stage 4 today or tomorrow, next week or next month,  or even next year....But I TRY to live my life the best that I can ...How can you say I am not doing right?..........You don't know what I am doing.....I certainly did not do anything WRONG to get cancer...Just being born female upped my chances...Are you saying if I were a man I wouldn't get bc????.......I live as positively as I can from one day to the next......It just irks me that ANYONE would suggest I caused my own cancer that it is MY fault!..........What a bunch of garbage!........

Would you like to show me where I said you would beat yourself up? Perhaps reading and assimilating posts before replying would be wise!

As I said, it's your perogative to consider yourself cured-but if curing cancer was as simple as you claim, then nobody would be ill. I think many of us feel uneasy with your claim (and not just metsters like myself), because you are making it sound very easy and thereby misleading people who are asking a straightforward question. If/when you ever have a recurrence, you may react very differently-in the meantime, think whatever you want-but don't be surprised when few people agree with you, and find your assertions simplistic in the extreme. Such sweeping statements are breathtaking, to say nothing of misleading, and I'm verging on speechless that you can genuinely believe that changing your lifestyle will safeguard you from further problems. All I can say is....good luck.

My friend who passed on January 15, 2009 told me during a phone conversation when I was dx with breast cancer.........."I feel cured." I remember saying to her how great that must be to FEEL CURED...she believed it with all of her heart. When year 4 rolled around she was dx with lung mets, and then it went to her brain. She was devastated at first.....said she screamed so loud at her surgeons office everyone could hear her. My HEART BROKE!

When my friend said she just knew she was cured....I never judged her....I just said that was great! I'm not that brave to say anything out-loud......I am so superstitious.

So I think you just have to choose what is best for you and go for it!

I love you all,

Terry