Topic: Concerned for my mother

Anh,

I have a Grade 3 cancer, Bloom Richardson scale of 8.  Very high grade.  I am also HER2+ which makes my cancer very aggressive.

I found my lump in May, was diagnosed August 17 and didn't have surgery until October 21, and there was no spread to the lymph nodes.  I also had multicentric/multifocal cancer (cancer that sprung from the original tumor and ended up iin different quadrents of the breast.)  I had several different types of cancer too, but my prognosis is pretty good, thanks to chemotherapy and herceptin.  I expect I'll be around for many years. 

They cannot really tell the size of the tumor based on anything but surgery.  MRI, Sonogram, alll said my tmain umor was 2.4 centimeters.  It turned out to be 3.5 after surgery and they also found three other invasive tumors (small) after dissecting the breast.  So, your mom may be stage 3 based on what they feel but she may not be.  Mine was larger but I hear some are smaller.  She may also have DCIS mixed with invasive, which would mean only the invasive size would count.

The timing for surgery seems right.

Please ask what kind of cancer she has (Ductal Carcinoma in Situ or  Infiltrating/invasive Ductal Carcinoma,, or Invasive Lobular Carcinoma.)  Ask about her HER/neu status, and ask about her ER/PR status.  All of those things will affect further treatment decisions.

As a son, you will need to be around to help her after her surgery.  My son (23) picked my younger son (12) up from school every day, because I couldn't drive.  He also came over to help me with my dog, who was old and couldn't stand up on his own.  I couldn't lift him alone. I know you'll be there for your mom since you posted here.

Please feel free to ask anymore questions and if you run out of your 5 alloted posts a day, you can still PM me any time.

Good luck to your mother.

Thank you so much for the responses. The doctors said my mom is fairly young to get breast cancer.

She is 44 years old.

And I will definitely ask a lot of the questions about hormones. It's just been difficult for me because I'm in school in California and my mom lives in Seattle so I am only getting all this information by sitting in on a phone call during her doctors appointment and listening to what they say. I might have miss loads of information because of service.

A question;

What do you think most parents would want their kids to do? I'm in the film industry and I'm graduating in December. Los Angeles is the perfect place for me and where I was planning on staying. But news of my mom's cancer has made me think that it might be best if I sacrificed my career for a bit while help her through chemo starting in the New Year and live in Seattle where it would be much tougher to find a job? I know this is a personal choice but I just don't know what people in this situation would do?

Also, as I recall, my mom's doctor said something about her hormones but I didn't pick up on it. I'll ask the next time around.

Thank you so much for all the responses so far.

-Anh 

Oh Anh, you are a wonderful son!  Speaking as a mother I would be devastated if you delayed the start of your life and career because of me.  We raise our children, put them through school, and hopefully give them the tools to go on to a successful, productive life.  We want them to be concerned about us, of course, but not give up their lives.  That's not the natural way - we give up things for you - you will give up things for your own children.

I would stay where you are and do what you are doing.  Call often, get as much information as you can to help her with her decisions - go home for holidays -- but live your life and pursue your dreams, and share them with her.  It's what I want for my sons and I think iit's what all mothers want for their children.

I want to add that my nephew went to USC film school.  If you are in the film industry now, you shouldn't leave.  It's a very difficult industry to break into, even with a degree from a prestigious university so it's even more important that you not give up an opportunity to make the life you want.  I'm sure you mother understands this.

Hi,

I assume that the biopsy was last week as well since she didn't get diagnosed until this past Monday.

As for having help, my mom is living with my dad and I have a 17 year old sister and a 14 year old sister. I would call my sisters responsible but my 17 year old sister is entering senior year of high school so she already has so much stress with college and I don't see her as initiative in trying to find information.

My dad works a lot and I know my mom has a tendency to be really weak some days and I know she gets scared. So its tough. I feel if I am there, I will be able to "provide" but my dad already told me he doesn't want me to move up to Seattle if it means I won't get a job. He wants me to be where I am but I know personally my mom would want me near there to help out.

It's a confusing situation and different circumstances. But all of this support has been so gracious and helpful!

-Anh

P.S.

I just found cheap plane tickets to go home. I just wanted to share the great news! I was sooo upset because of the situation and I hadn't booked flights in advanced because well...I wasn't planning on going home. Tickets were $500 and I just found round trip for $140. So I am ecstatic and I called my dad and he literally just was so happy that I am able to make it home.

Gonna skip class though one day but meh, it's for a good cause :-). 

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! I know I did with spending time with my family and eating some Vietnamese food after a long three month hiatus from it haha.

In reference to Cool Breeze's post, yes a lot of me factoring whether I'll stay close to my mother is culturally based but over break I asked my parents, specifically my aunt, mom what I should do and everyone I have spoken to, told me to stay in L.A. and that is what I'm going to do.

Getting to spend time in Seattle allowed me to go with my mom for her MRI and get some more information. So here's an update and some questions because I'm not sure what this means:

-so my family is working with a social worker to get my mom on Medicaid because of our lack of income. As a result of us being on a pretty poor insurance plan, my mom's Pet/CT scan was denied and a lot of things were on the fence because of our insurance.

My mom's original surgery date was December 16th. They pushed it back to December 28th.

So what is my mom's cancer?:

Infiltrating Ductal Carnicoma (IDC)

High nuclear grade (8 to 9 of 9) , with necrosis (what is this???)

Vascular/lymphatic space invasion: Absent

High mitotic rate

 --

So is the date of Dx - November 16th

Surgery - December 28th

 Too far apart now especially for a high grade cancer? I think the thing the doctors said was that they want to have all the tests and insurance ready before even proceeding. They might even need to do chemo before, etc.

 Also I'm trying to figure out the ER+/Pr- status and HEr2 thing...

What the pathological report says is :

ER: >95% of tumor cells positive, infiltrating carcinoma

PR: 50% of tumor cells positive, infiltrating carcinoma

c-erb B-2 : Indeterminate (score of 2+) for overexpression of c-erb B-2 (Her2/Neu) protein, infiltrating carcinoma..

This is why i can't be a doctor lol. Thanks so much for all the support! 

Hi again Anh, sorry I didn't see your post earlier and didn't get an answer to your question.  I assume you have found out the answers by now, but if you haven't, I can help some.

High nuclear grade cancer means the cells are dividing very abnormally.  Necrosis is cell death and that cell debris has been left there - it means it's a faster growing, more aggressive cancer.  It is very good they didn't see any lymph or vascular invasion.  I know 12/28 seems like too long for surgery but I have almost the same cancer as your mom and I waited 3 months.  As scary as it seems, cancer just doesn't grow that fast.

Your mom is ER+.   PR seems 50/50 but that doesn't matter that much anyway.  Her HER2 status (also sometimes called c-erb is indeterminate.  That means she should have the FISH test done to see if it's positive or not and if herceptin will work for her.

I can't imagine why your mom's lump would become soft.  Mine certainly didn't.  I don't know where it is though, it's possible she is perceiving it differently depending on her position?  Sorry, I can't begin to imagine why it would feel any differently.  But, I would put no faith in that  - she has invasvie cancer and it has to be treated - it won't go away.

I'm glad they don't want you home. I hope your mother has an easy a time of it as i have had so far. <knock wood>  

Mom's Lumpectomy is tomorrow!

I'm just glad the day is here to get that lump out!