Okay, so this morning I consulted with my Oncologist and loved her. She and the general surgeon are excellent. Both feel I should do chemotherapy and I have refused (personal reasons) but both are understanding and supportive of my choice. I have elected to go with MBX versus lumpectomy which thrills them both, and I will be doing Tamoxifen post surgery for 5 years. Chemo would, she calculated, decrease my odds of recurrance by 5%.
Next, on to the plastic surgeon. That was the part I looked forward to, the silver lining of the cloud. Let me forget the nightmare I'm facing by showing me how good I might look when it's all over. This woman was horrid. First, she began to tell me that right up front she wanted to let me know that she disapproved of my choice to not have chemotherapy and she didn't like that at all. Second, she said she absolutely, positively would not do the adjustable spectrum inplant that I wanted because they have a problem leaking. Really? Tests have shown that they leak less than any other saline implant on the market with less than 1% over 8 years. Then she tried to convince me to do her new silicone memory gel implant. I don't want silicone and she disapproved of that as well. Next, we addressed scars. I told her that I had gotten past losing my breasts and even both of my nipples, but I still could not look at those big horizontal scars across the chest without a serious emotional meltdown. Would she consider a purse string enclosure? She looked at me and said, "look. It's been obvious that you are more concerned with reconstructiond and how you will look than with following the advice of your doctors to treat your cancer. You have cancer, get used to it. This horizontal scar, get used to it because that's where you're going. That's what happens with cancer. Also, if they get in there and find even one affected lymph node then you aren't getting reconstruction surgery for quite awhile." She began to talk about additional surgeries and scars but I tuned her out completely at that point. I wanted to punch her but instead all I could do was start bawling and say I was going home.
I told my husband I was never going back so I would see just how long I could live with this and do absolutely nothing. Now of course I don't mean it but I just wanted it to all end. Today, I'm not coping so well and that witch was the icing on the cake. Fortunately, I have a consult with another plastic surgeon already scheduled for next Friday because I wanted two opinions.
At the end of that visit I seriously considered just digging a hole and tossing myself into it already. I hope nobody else ever has to deal with anyone like her. I need a drink, I need four or five, and I don't even drink.
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Diagnosis: 4/23/2012, IDC, 2cm, Grade 2, ER+/PR+, HER2-