Topic: How to tell Family Members

Forum: Help Me Get Through Treatment — Medications and other treatments, medical benefits, and managing side effects.

Posted on: Sep 15, 2007 05:53 PM, edited Sep 15, 2007 05:53 PM by labhusky

Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 125

O.K. this is a tuffy for me and here is my situation. First my mom. She is 73 and was diagnosed with diabetes 3 or 4 months ago. They had her in E.R. after she calls me at work that she feels fine but they think shes near death cause her blood sugar was 550 (lovely thing to tell me huh?). I got scared started crying and of course left work to be with her. She is very stubborn wasnt going to take pills yada yada they want to poison me. I think I helped to convince her to do it and she had to start a little at a time. Now she goes to the dr and is taking better care of herself. She did weigh 76 lbs but is 80 now. I dont want to upset her and right now I am just not ready with it being only 3 days ago since I myself got the call. I thought of waiting till after I see the dr on Wed and begin to feel more stronger and positive about my situation. Maybe I can start by saying something positive about it.

Now my half brother (brothers ewwww). Back in 2003 he had a TBI from a car accident when a woman t-boned him while he was working. He was in a coma for about 6 weeks and my mom and I didnt know what would lie ahead. I helped out with alot of the situations and decisions like a trach cause Im stronger than my mom is but I always kind of talked to her too. He went to rehab at Sharp in San Diego which wasnt too far from my work and I took him and picked him up every day cause we lived together anyway. By the way, he had an opportunity to train for a whole new career and take tests to see what he would be interested in and good at-he turned it down. I thought, stupid!!! He just wanted to get back to where he worked which was an airport shuttle service. Which he did get back to but no more driving just casheering (sorry spelling). He isnt on any RX drugs, but you can kind of tell in that he says his nerves in his left legs tingle and his cognitive thinking is terrible. DOnt ask him a question. He will go uhhhh alot. Anyway, (this is going to be long). His decision making is terrible and he met up with a woman that is flakey. She has been kicked out of apartments for 3 years for not paying (I work in the court system and I run names). She is deceitful and has a last name that can be spelled different ways. His uncle died 2 or 3 years ago leaving him alot of money. Im sure he blabbed to her and hence they live together now, he quit his job (should have held onto it for health insurance. told mom he didnt use it anyway). Neither one of them are working and he sits at the computer all day after telling mom he wants to become rich. Incedentally, he bought a mercedes and paid cash.

Now, my dillema. I am going to tell him differently than I tell my mom. I am hoping I can rely on him to take me to the hospital, pick me up, take care of the dog. I probably should write lists around the house and have a pencil there so he can check off everything after he does it. My dog is 14 and I love him to death. I would rather not board him somewhere and hopefully, I wouldnt be in too long (anyone have an approximate like maybe 2 days max?). My mom doesnt drive anymore, more of her own choosing. Sorry its long guys!!!!

Posts 1 - 3 (3 total)

iodine TN Joined: Oct 2002 Posts: 4,284

Sep 16, 2007 05:58 PM iodine wrote:

Whew! I'd say your support system is wrapped up in the gal writing the above post. sorry to say that.

So sorry you had to find us, Sweetie, but damn glad you did. so--how about telling us a bit about yourself? What do you know about YOU? What are YOUR needs going to be?

As far as your family goes, you don't ever need to tell your mom if you don't want to. Doesn't sound as if she's gonna be a lot of help anyway. I hope your bro is capable of caring for your precious furbaby (we all love our furbabies around her and know exactly how you feel about yours). Making lists for him to ck off is a good plan for him. TBI's are a really rough road for the family, I was a case mgr for years and the family really suffers with that dx and outcome.

I hope you will also post in the Newly Diagnosed board and let the rest of the ladies get to know you and come be a part of your support group.

Please look around where you live and see about a local support (live, face to face)group to be a part of. Also, Y-Me has a 800# to call 24/7 to talk to someone. Do you have any others beside family to call on?

Please come often, we want to be here for you. Sorry to take so long to get back to you. This board is not hit on as much as others.

Dotti---BE NOT AFRAID, Pope John Paul

Sessna1 Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 358

Sep 16, 2007 07:59 PM Sessna1 wrote:

Dear labhusky,

Your letter touched me from the moment you began speaking about a difficult mum and you became a soul mate when you said brothers (ewwwww). Bless your heart!

You are a very strong person, and you chose not to mention any trusted friends or relatives. I think, I think that you are saying, "Who does the rock stand upon?" You are the one your mother leans upon and you are the one looking out for your brother.

Older moms that are in declining health are very stressful on your life. You left work to be with her in distress. (Oh, we ARE joined at the hip.) The line (very thin) between daughter, relative, friend, protector, loved one, advocate, woman, and human being is a tight rope. I didn't put "care giver" in there because what you are doing is uncommon, and I acknowledge those that go above and beyond when I can.

I am having to learn to accept support. I'm past 40, and I'm independent, stubborn, self-sufficient, and driven. My psychiatrist informs me that I am arrogant and ignorant if I don't take care of this new diagnosis of breast cancer. Whoa. I was wondering what she would say to me about my stubborness. I knew that she would go "human" on me, and let me have it with both barrels, and I got shot, too (smile). It had to be done. Oh - arrogant because I want to do things alone by myself and ignorant because I don't know all the medical ramifications, outcomes, treatments, and hope available for those who have cancer in 2007.

Your brother sounds as self-centered and irresponsible as the ones that you can't find a Hallmark card for that tells the truth (please smile). I have one of those. I really need you to please consider having a best friend look out for your furbaby. I am told that sometimes people step up to the plate when they are needed, but my brother has always run for the football field insisting that he wants to sign up for soccer practice... you know what I mean. Both you are your furbaby deserve better than that. I have two furry angels in Heaven, and if I was worried about them, it would be another dent in my heart.

You know your brother better than I. Does he usually check out and drop out of sight as long as he has a girlfriend around? Does he schedule so many things to do that he can't finish anything? Sitting at the computer all the time is a really bad sign, I'll be honest with you. I will ask you to consider something - does your brother have any real good friends? Girlfriends don't count. I am asking if you know of another male, who is of good character, who has a friendship relationship with your brother? I'm trying to ask you to ask yourself if there is someone else rational (like you) who believes in him.

I had to write, because your letter touched me. I apologize if I haven't been of much help.

I am struggling to get up the gumption to return to a church congregation and a bc support group. In theory, it sounds easier to me to pull out my own wisdom tooth without any pain killers.

A big hug to you.

... we are all put here on earth to help others. What the others are put here for, I don't know.

Sessna1 Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 358

Sep 16, 2007 08:02 PM Sessna1 wrote: