Posted on: Sep 22, 2007 12:58 PM, edited Sep 22, 2007 12:58 PM by trigeek
Orlando, FL
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 835
trigeek wrote:
All my friends and family say that I am trying too hard to put up a strong front and I should relax and let myself fall.. cry.
Well I kind of see this as climbing a steep mountain. I have to show effort to climb and if I let go I slip down and I have to climb the part that I slipped again. My friends (virtual and physical) and family are the ones pulling my weight to an extent but if I,myself do not put serious effort in climbing up I will never reach the top which for me is.. quality of life during BC and after BC treatment. I do not want to let go of the 'normal' life and want to stay in the loop even though I know that there are times that I will just need to creep into a cave and rest for a while during my journey to the summit.
If I do not keep on climbing ramping back up to fit in the cranks of life will require a lot more effort.. the transition will be painful.
And I have found out that the support that I get from others increases directly with the effort that I put out myself. If I let myself crash/let go, it will be very hard for them to relate with me and help so I am actually helping them to help me.
Thinking that I am strong actually is making me strong.
Do I cry ? Do I feel afraid ? Do I feel trapped ? Do I feel the desperate urge to turn back the clock and want my pre-dx life where I took my health as granted ? Do I feel myself not heard/understood ? Oh very much Yes to all. But will I let this BC crap take over all of my life -- I hope not.
Just some random weekend thoughts that I wanted to share with my 'breast friends' since I really can not share them with non-bc crowd.
Live Deliberately !
Dx 8/3/2007, ILC, Stage II, Grade 2, 2/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER-
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Sep 22, 2007 02:07 PM candie1971 wrote:
Hi,
Gosh a big hugs to you. Your post really hit home. Just do what you need to do. Crying, screaming, kicking are all natural responses and all is ok!!! You won't let bc take over your life but a pity-party is natural. This will be an emotional roller coaster ride but just hang on---it does get better.
We are all here for you....this is a great site with lots of info and support. Have you tried the chat room....great support there too. I like the chat room cause you talk to people in real time there and from all over the world.
You are strong!!! Listen to your body. Rest when you need to. Do what's right for you. Take care of you!!!!
Will be back to see how you are doing....best wishes.
Hugs and prayers,
Candie
Life's a long song - Jethro Tull
bomber410
Ipswich, MA
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 577
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Sep 22, 2007 02:28 PM bomber410 wrote:
Trigeek, I agree with your approach. That's how I've been working my way through all this. I have a great support group but it helps them to see me strong with a positive attitude.
I am not a triathlete, can't swim. :-) But I am a runner and loved doing distance in the woods. Needless to say, I've slowed down considerably but I still get out there even to walk/run. And that is where I cry. I sit down, alone in the woods, and cry my eyes out. I feel so much better and so much stronger as a result.
Try to keep your life as normal as possible but cut yourself some slack and let yourself cry. It can be incredibly cleansing.
Debbie
You can visit my CaringBridge site at
www.caringbridge.org/visit/deb...Dx 3/29/2007, IDC, Stage II, Grade 2, 1/10 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER-
trigeek
Orlando, FL
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 835
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Sep 22, 2007 07:35 PM trigeek wrote:
Thanks gals for your kind words.
Candi, oh yes I have been in the chat room quite nice to be able to chat realtime. Pity - Party yip thats what I do when I am alone somewhere where I used to do my sports... ( usually I am bawling me head off in the car .. with my favorite music on) At that point I do not want anyone to console me I just have to get those tears.. frustration energy out. and it feels soooo good afterwards.
Madalyn.. balance ohhh.. you really found my weakness since I have an obsessive personality doing too much too son is what I am actually being accused of. Prob the chemo truck will slow me down next week. But will try to listen to my body.
Debbie oh yes the positive attitude under challenged situations seem to draw the people like bees to honey ! So maybe sometimes I do 'fake the strength' but only because I know that the energy I spend faking it will be returned exponentially as good vibes my way.
Running in the woods is my fav... unfortunately where I live we do not have trails. ( oh and I am not a runner at all I just slug my way through the run leg of the tris.lol )Like you the place that I go too has to do with my sports although I am notyet allowed to do any physical activity yet ( 3 weeks out of bilat mastec with recons)
Counting down to first chemo in 5 days.. probably I am having PCS.
Live Deliberately !
Dx 8/3/2007, ILC, Stage II, Grade 2, 2/6 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER-
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Sep 22, 2007 09:02 PM Shirlann wrote:
Hey sister, nothing wrong with any of the things have metnioned, whatever gets you a moment of peace or comfort, that is what you need to do. Each of us is so different, but we all need so much strength to walk this journey, it is so dang long! I think that is our biggest hurdle.
Keep posting, anything is legal, that is the beauty of this site. You have to be so careful with family, they get so upset, it is easier many times to just force a smile and get them out of your hair.
But here, you can be free of all of that and yell, rant, cry, we have all been there and understand.
Hugs, Shirlann