Topic: Has your dx made life better or worse for you?

my experience is that i am much more focused on each day; the time i have, the people i love...actually, all that i love i guess i just drink it up.  i think i also have learned to accept things that life dishes out.  i hate what has happened to my body; even after 7 and half years...it has been a struggle with various issues....BUT, i am glad to be alive...i am grateful for each day.  i guess "grateful" kind of sums it up.  i think facing your mortality...in the way we do as cancer patients...is a process.....one that is scarey...has its ups and downs...but i guess now i know that i have limited time here....just as a person...whether it is cancer...or somebody hitting me while i am cycling....things that used to rock my world just don't any more.  i am happy...just to be alive.  it has taken me a long time to get to this point...the first few years after dx and tx....really really rocked my world.  of course...i am older and wiser too now.  i think this is a good thread.  we can learn from each other.  we are all at different stages of dx, treatment...acceptance and recovery. 

i guess i know now...and really feel...how precious life is.  i try to stay in the moment.,.and not get too far ahead of myself.  none of really know what will happen down the line.  i guess....gratefulness, faith...acceptance of my situation...(which took awhile)...appreciation of my loved ones...and of my strength..(we are all so strong...)  have helped me to find some peace. 

biggest negative:  body changes...no sex drive.....worry about pains...etc.  but, i can live with that.

biggest postive:  gratefulness

peace

diana50

Hi all,

Before my breastcancer diagnosis I would find myself all twisted up and worried over the craziest things.  I wanted to "control" everything in my life.  Breast cancer has a not-so-subtle way of showing just how much control a person really has.

 One positive outcome I have experienced has been acquiring the ability to relinquish the need for control, to worry less, be thankful for each and every day, and savor each moment that I have with the ones that I love.  I worry much, much less about things, and am finding that all the worrying I did in the past didn't change the outcomes one bit (yah, that's all the good it did)!  People close to me often comment that I am much more "peaceful."

I have also learned--be it good or bad--that a patient has the responsibility to collect and analyze information related to their treatment.  I had no idea that a cancer diagnosis could be so complicated, and that the treatment options, both standard and "alternative" were so numerous.  The medical staff cannot possibly know how each patient expects to be treated, so I've learned to research and to express my preferences for care.

You guys are all an inspiration to me.  I  admit that I rarely dwelled on the reality that people who have been diagnosed with cancer are out there just trying to live their lives and are faced with such huge challenges.  The fact that we see people on this board who continue to go on with great optimism in spite of circumstances is both amazing and uplifting.

We can do this, ladies!!!!! 

I agree TammyLou,

There is nothing positive - really. I was doing fine and in a good mood before I got diagnosed. I don't want to be ungrateful, of course it's wonderful to be alive, etc, etc. But I feel ugly, gigantic scar, crazy hair, no libido, joint stiffness. My brain feels half fried. I feel anxious for the future. Need I go on?

One thing I do see more clearly now is that life is very precious. And I want to make some changes, focus less on the material and money side of things and spend more time just living. But I have kids to take care of.

Anyway, I wish you all well.

-Helena.

not a three...but I like this thread.

The positives...I worry less about the future.

Before DX I worried constantly about my career and finances.

The weekend between my biopsy and results I fufilled a dream I had for 8 years, going to the Zydeco music festival in Louisiana.

If there is something I really want to do, and can do, I am less likely to postpone it.

My friends really showed up. I was always the one who went downtown to see them, people have dropped by, brought food, kept me company.

Yes there is fear,pain,frustration, medical bills, relationship stress, my place is a mess since I am still recovering from sx, but there is a silver lining.

Wish I could say that I worry less about my job and finances!  I worry more than ever!  The only life insurance I have is through my job, ditto health insurance...  Feel more stressed about finances than ever in my life, sorry to say!  And more compelled to put up with this job and its demands, meaning that the idea of "blowing it off" and going on a vacation is only a fantasy...

I recognize that I am very fortunate that my treatment has been a lot easier than so many others have had...

Oops -- sorry -- not Stage III -- but at 57 with history of BC, feel dependent on my job for life insurance (needed to pay off a loan from my family should I meet an early demise) and health insurance (needed to ward off early demise)...

I spoke to a friend finishing up chemo yesterday and she made a good analogy.  She said right now she's in half time.  When we're done treatment we get to begin the second half of the game.  Learn from the first half.  In many ways I feel like I've been reborn.  The old me is gone.   Going through the hair loss even makes you feel like you're becoming someone new.  Better?  I hope so.  I've learned loads from this dreaded cancer about myself and I'll consider this a gauntlet with a gift.  Not a gift I'd ask for, no never.  But, I have to take from this something positive and keep moving forward. 

Justpayton: I agree, being honest and speaking your truth and "not taking crap" is something I am doing a whole lot more of these days!

As I read the responses I have to agree with everyone of them. I have found an additional closeness to the people who matter to me...my husband, sons, family and have found out what really good friends I have. Even found how caring people in general can be. I have stopped and yes smelled the roses some days...I have set different priorities for myself...giving time to others ...less material and more lovin...on the down side I do have pain...and no boobs...and the closeness of a physical relationship with my husband is less....but if I make it these are the small things and I can deal with them....

This comment isn't really what you were probably hoping it would be.  I can't be like others who've already commented and be philosophical, greatful, thoughtful and smelling roses, or strong or whatever.  I am not any of that.  I am angry that I got breast cancer, angry to have to come to this site and see that one of us has "become an angel".  BC has opened my eyes enough to make me say see ya to a person I once thought was my friend until I got cancer. Too much has gone down for me since this diagnosis so I say this diagnosis sucks and I say FU to BC

Amen KerryMac....but I have to question the hair....I get so excited now when I wash my hair...

Actually, BC has had some positive effects on my life.

First, I was in a terrible funk after moving to California. Although I was born here, I don't really like it here for many reasons, and I spent a lot of time dwelling on those reasons. When I was diagnosed, I realized that I couldn't be depressed and fight BC at the same time, so I got my act together in a hurry. There's nothing that motivates me greater than a challenge, and this really awakened my inner warrior, so to speak. When I lived in Knoxville, I was involved in the arts, photography, exercise and the outdoors, community activism/volunteering, taking classes/learning new skills, etc. I find myself once again interested and/or participating in these things. And while I'll never love California, I am focusing on the positives and trying to make lemonade out of the lemons. I feel like I've rediscovered myself. I missed me!

Second, I realized how blessed I am in the friends I have. My boyfriend, his parents, my best friends and their families...everyone was just terrific, and I really felt the love during that difficult time. I also reconnected with some long-lost cousins and have enjoyed getting reacquainted with them.

Third, it doesn't get much scarier than cancer. I work for the state. We're having furloughs. We'll probably have layoffs come July. Pre-BC, I would be sweating bullets. Now...big deal. It's a job. I'll get another if I'm axed. It's not the end of the world. BC kind of puts things in perspective.

Fourth, I had very large, painful breasts. I hated them. They hindered my physical activities and made it impossible to find shirts smaller than a two-person tent. I was actually looking into getting breast reduction surgery at the time I was diagnosed. Granted, I would have liked a little less taken off.... I actually have better body image now since my mastectomy. I can once again run, dance, row, jump rope, etc., and I don't have back and shoulder pain following a walk. And I went down around three shirt sizes.

Fifth, I got to meet new people I probably would have never known. Weesa and her husband were two of them! BC reminded me of how good things can come out of tragedy.

What BC didn't do for me...I'm something of a prankster at work. When I started chemo, my poor boss asked if the chemo would kill my crazy cells. Nope! I think it gave them a boost! LOL! People who didn't know the pre-California me are getting some surprises. I'm definitely back to saying what's on my mind.

Physicaly worse. I have residual pain and fatigue from chemo and of course pain from surgery, even now, that will most likely never go away.

Mentaly, that's tough to say, because the cancer thing always stays with you, always somewhere in the back of mind, and comes out when you have a scan or mammogram.

But then I can also say it's changed me in one way for the better. I'm not so quick to critisize, and am more tolerant of others. I try not to be as negative as I was before, because I think it comes back on mentaly, spiritualy and even physicaly. I learned that a lot of things that I thought mattered, really don't in the grand scheme, and I can just let them go without comment or thought. 

I have a little different perspective because I was originaly dx'ed stage 4, and that puts you in a whole nother place mentaly.  So being told stage3 was a mental relief.

At Stage 3 you worry about the future and dying, but being told Stage 4 just wipes out your future, or it did mine. Nothing really matters at that point and I went through the days like a robot, just shuffled here and there, to doctors appts and treatment. For me it was a mental dead zone.  

Another very interesting post...and I must say I'm really enjoying the Stage III board!  I haven't spent much time here but I plan to from here on out.  I hope you don't mind if I stay :)

Anywho, my opinion on this will probably seem very twisted.  I was just thinking today that I'm a bit disappointed in myself.  This will probably sound weird, but I felt so empowered when I was in treatment.  I had a new lease on life and I was going to pull it together, eliminate people and situations that were stressing me out.  I was going to find a new job that made me happy vs. making me money.  I was going to spend more quality time with my family and less time working and worried about everything.  I was going to finally get in shape.  I was going to write about my breast cancer journey.  You were going to see me on Good Morning America touting the importance of self-exams and to not always believe your mammogram when it says "no cancer".

The thing is, now that treatment has been over for 4 months things have pretty much gone back to the way they were before.  Don't get me wrong, in certain respects I am more than thrilled to be back to normal.  I just wish I had followed through on some of my big plans.

I don't know.  Maybe it's what I needed to feel to get through treatment.  Maybe it's just that I'm still a little tired and once I get past that I will do some of those things. 

I planned on using it as a springboard to make life better but so far it hasn't worked out that way, lol.

Diane

Diane...I had to laugh a little at your post. I also was changing my life....especially the lets get healthier thing....and boy did I ask the dear lord many times to forgive my sins...just let me live...I tried to be as perfect as I could be...almost scared to do anything bad for fear I would be punished...I also let go of the control of many things and relaxed some....well I am 1 1/2 years out of dx and I see that I am going back to my old ways....I won't complain....I liked me and my old normal....I want that back and maybe it is a good thing to go back to being just me....

Hi.

  I can think of no positives that this disease has brought into my life. Like Judy said, I feel that I spend too much time worrying about the future or lack of a future. I want the old normal back too!! When anyone asks me how I am doing, I say fine, but it is a different kind of fine. It's fine considering...

Dx has not made my life better or made me a better person.  It has forced me to do some things I hadnt planned on doing (like staring death in the face) BUT it has also forced me to decide whether I was going to rise to the occassion and live and enjoy the life I have or live my remaining lifetime (however long that is) being bitter and angry. 

So I chose to make my life as good or better than it was before. I think it is the right choice.

Take that effing cancer!