Topic: OK LET'S VENT!!

When I first diagnosed I me a girl on facebook who was 5 years out and she had lots of nodes-diagnosed at 36, and it spread to her collar bone. When I asked her "why did she survive?" she said When they told me I was stage 3 I was happy I was not stage 4, When they told me I would be lucky to live 5 years-her thought was "good thing I am lucky."

I often think about that...How my siutation could be worse. I am thnkful I am stage 3 not 4. I am thankful I can still work. I am thankful I can afford my medical bills. I am thankful I don't have an untreatable cancer. I don't kow how i moved form anger to being thankful but gosh I have so so many blessings. I don't want nor need pity-this is stuff stuff but life is hard and I want my family and  friends (and especially my children) to see me handle this with grace and graitude. I had cancer. nothing can change that-but I can change how I veiw it and how I move forward.

I'm with you Jen - we can't control what happens to us, we can only control our response.

I too think I am doing really well. Thats what I say if anyone asks. I never even complain about lingering SE's, really, I am happy to be alive to be having them.

Yes, I am scared of what could happen, and angry that this happened to me and my family. But, again, it could have been so much worse. My friends mother had a Brain tumor when she was young, it took 9 months from diagnosis to death. If that was me, I would be dead now. Yep, it could have been a whole lot worse.

Apple, I'm sorry about your friend.  :(

Apple - I'm really sorry for your loss.

<font>Apple  I'm so sorry you have lost your friend  Hang in there. 





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I actually find it hard being around anyone right now that is "normal" I find myself avoding people in general-they either say something that hurts my feelings or I just feel different from everyone. I hate it. I feel like I am the walking dead girl and they all get normal great lives. I am in a way jelaous but in another way I just don't feel like I fit in for some reason. Also, I am just tired of people talking about cancer.My mom is so concerened-says I am cutting people off-which I am  I guess but it's my way of coping. I was walking with a friend today who has all these heart issues and is ona slu of drugs, xanax, anti depressants, etc-she has daily migraines and is just a mess. I told her today I am so sorry you have to go through all of this and all these doctor visits. She said well it could be worse I could be you. WTF was all I could think....

PureE ~  You're right  WTF!!!  How insensitive was that?????

Apple  ~  Totally another thing that gets me going.  The "survivor" mantra everyone gives you for the superwarrior attitutde.  I read an exerpt from Barbara Ehrenriech that said:

  "that the mindless triumphalism of "survivorhood" denigrates the dead and the dying. Did we who live "fight" harder than those who've died? Can we claim to be "braver," better, people than the dead? And why is there no room in this cult for some gracious acceptance of death, when the time comes, which it surely will, through cancer or some other misfortune?

Kerry, to make you feel better???  Didn't work, did it.  Insensitive!!!  Pure you hit a nerve.  I feel like I'm an outsider looking in, like I don't have a normal life.  Having cancer is such a profound experience in which you face your own mortatlity.  It changes you.

Pure I concur that you are one strong lady.  I hope that doesn't offend you.  When people would say that to me when I was in treatments I would say "What other choice do I have?".  I could either be strong or curl up in ball.

Anyway, what would I tell people right now?  For some reason I feel like crying, I'm tired from never getting a good night's sleep and I'm angry.  Arrrgh!  When does normal come back?

Jenn I hate those convrsations with people who want to talk about everone they knew who had cancer.  Totally not interested. 

Sherri,  I know, I too hate the word survivor.  Am I better or fighting harder, or stronger than one who stopped being a survivor because she 'lost her battle" and became a "dier" ?

I'm not too comfy with the word "Thriver " either.  I don;t feel like I am thriving at all.  Thriving sounds strong and healthy, growing just great.  Like a green plant or a puppy in a litter.   If people ask me I just say I;m in treatment for BC.