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Topic: Husbands support

Forum: Chemotherapy - Before, During and After — Regimens, side effects, and support from others going through chemo.

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Posted on: Aug 28, 2007 01:34 AM

joeengland wrote:

About 3 months ago my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer (several lumps) which had mastasised to her liver. She firstly had single weekly doses of taxoter for 6 weeks followed by 2 double 3 weeks apart and 2 triple doses. She suffers from repetitive ascites which requires draining. She has good days and bad. At the moment she is poorly with a severe rash and her abdomen is swelling again. My cry for help is this. My wife asks very few questions of her oncologist. I have questioned him myself. He said that my wife is seriously ill, but cannot give me a definite prognosis. Her expectancy being 2 months to 5 years. How can I support my wife in the manner she deserves. What questions do I ask, if any. Is she right in not asking herself ? I live in England but we have private cover is there a treatment that is better than she is getting ? <font> <!--color--></font> Log in to post a reply

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Aug 28, 2007 03:47 AM jacqniel wrote:

Joe,
I can hear in your writing your fears and frustrations. Your wife is blessed to have such a caring person by her side.

Every cancer survivor is different in his/her desire to know details. Personally, I want to know everything I can in order to combat this beast - but I DON'T want anyone telling me how long I have to live - as it is only a guess. Only God knows how many days we have on this earth. But, that said, I also like to live in denial land - where cancer doesn't exist and I can pretend I am healthy.

As far as how can you support your wife - here are my thoughts:
Try to treat her as normally as possible.
Let her know you love her.
Laugh with her.
Reminisce
Talk about the future and if possible, make plans - a trip, a visit, dinner out, etc. Give her hope.
If she is in pain or depressed, speak to her doctor about these concerns.
Be her advocate and research treatments, etc.
Make sure her spiritual needs are being met.
If in doubt about her treatment - seek a second opinion.

As far as questioning her onc, before you go to her next appointment, discuss what questions you have with your wife and write them down. If there are answers she doesn't want to hear, ask to speak with the onc privately.

Finally, don't forget to take care of yourself. Take some time for YOU. You won't do her any good if your health fails, too.

I have said a prayer of healing, strength and comfort for you and your wife. Please also visit the Recurrance and Metastatic thread on this board. You will find many knowledgeable and compassionate people there.

Hugs, Jacque
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Aug 29, 2007 12:28 AM joeengland wrote:

Thanks for you support.
went to see onc yesterday. Her Ct scan results were through and were positive. Her cancer is considered non agressive.
Although she is still poorly. I will plan a trip, although dificult when you don't know how she will be. Our daughter will be attending university in september , so that will help us concentrate our minds.
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Aug 29, 2007 01:30 AM KimRI wrote:

Joe,

Jaque is right about all her advice to you. I'm 38, origianlly diagnosed in 2003. I had mastectomy,chemo,radiation,reconstruction and did great until January 2006. My cancer came back to my liver(had several lesions on it), collapsed 2vertebra in my middle back and tumors on 2 in lower back. I had 10radiation to my back and then started weekly chemo. I have been in clinical remission for 10 mths. now with no evidence of disease! I go to chemo every week for 6 weeks and then I get 2 off. This has worked miracles for me. My first Onc. just kept saying to me.....I'm so sorry.....My new Onc. said.....Okay, this is what we are going to do.....and if this doesn't work.....this is what we are going to do. Make sure your Dr. is exhausting every drug out there for your wife.

Please never give up hope........Only God knows how long we are going to be here.....Live today.....

Kim

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