Topic: Promise me..

Fitz, are you okay?

janis,

that's an unfair request. you know that is what we do. you are well liked and respected on these boards and we will do it anyways. it's just the way it is.

ellie

xx

I understand what Ellie is saying -- that we need to express our sadness when someone we know is dying.  I also can understand not wanting the vigil bit -- simply a lighting candles, prayers.  A thread of memories, of "did Janis really say that...", or "Janis helped me with....", "I loved that thread she started....".  That would be more of a celebration of all things Janis.  Lots of swearing and beoching too.

Does this sound good Janis? 

Elizabeth

xox

alpal,

i didn't mean any disrespect to janis. i would respect anyone's wishes

janis,

if i offended you i'm sorry.  there are alot of women on this website who need to say prayers, and light candles because this is how they deal with their fears,sadness, grief, and i think some of these women would do the "death vigil" as you call it, not out of disrespect for you, but because it's what they need to do to cope. that's all i meant. 

ellie

xx                          

I rarely post now Janis, but this thread echoes my sentiments. I would hope that your wishes are respected (and that the need to respect them is a long way distant yet!) I too find the long vigil type threads bewildering, and they likely comfort the posters more than the recipient, who after all is too ill by that point to view the threads. Surely if members need to light a candle, a real one is more apt? This can be done quietly and with respect either in the poster's place of worship, or in their own homes. Alternatively, perhaps the prayer/vigil type of threads should be placed in the relevant section, rather than on the stage 1V board, where non participants may feel guilty for their lack of input.It's just a matter of etiquette really, but an important one.

Drunken posts always accepted. MOTC.

Ellie, I was not offended.

Maybe it is comforting to others, but to me, it seems ...I don't have words to describe it. 

I promise (((Janis)))            xoxoxAngel

Fitz - gotta agree with you about the vigil. And you don't need to describe it - we get it. But playing devil's advocate here (& I mean NO disrespect): you have touched the lives of so many people on BCO and people really care about you. So it is natural they will want to "keep watch" 'cuz they have no control either. I do sincerely hope your wishes are respected - & I think they will be. But people express their sorrow in many different ways. I'm one that doesn't keep watch, I don't send prayers due to lack of religion, but do wish the best for people. And I always raise my glass . . .

Besides - echoing the sentiments of others . . . that time is a long way off.

Janis, I will light a candle now and pray for a long time til your time and all my other stage 4 sisters....I don't know about any body else but I have had it with losing all these beautiful sisters....I am praying for a cure for all!......I am realistic enough to know that stage 4 is the last stage but I have met a couple of stage 4 women who have been that way for at least 10 years and are till kicking.....I didn't ask how ...I was just happy to hear they were ok for the time being and getting on with life.....I will respect your wishes Janis on the no vigil wanted, BUT I am also praying that time is many many years in the future.........You mean too much to too many women and men on these boards.....
sjack, please don't feel defensive.....What you did was a kind gesture and it helped alot of us say goodbye to Steph when we couldn't say it straight to her.......I for one appreciated it......I will miss Steph so much......If any body needs the address to send her family a card at the funeral home please PM me......

Janis I will be long gone before you but if I am I'll bitch up a storm and swig some wine or tequila down.

Donna

I am not sure what a vigil is ? But all I know is an acknowledgement from my husband to you all to say I've gone will be all that I could wish for.

X 

p.s. I am on palliative care. 

I equate it to a death watch. When one of us takes a turn for the worst, and people come out of the woodwork to post for us.

My DH will not post when I am gone. I have to leave that to my friend.

Janis, I've been reading your posts in the palliative/hospice care forum, and what concerns me, is you are spending too much time worrying. To my knowledge, you've not been given those final words yet," sorry, there's nothing we can do for you any more." It's a different stage of this journey, and you are trying to anticipate and you cannot. I am there, its not somewhere I wish on any one. So stay away from worrying about this and live in the now.

I am very straightforward as you know, and this forum is not for you right now.

With love and respect.

River 

Eleane I couldn't understand what the vigil is...and I was trying so hard to understand what Janis was tallking about. So Janis it is true that whoever becomes a member of this forum remembers FOR EVER the "ONES" that are:

always mentaly close to us without even trying 

laconic but really usefull in advices

trustworthy for suggestions

intra power that makes one feel sure about the quality of the forum

You are a gifted person that really can touch the hearts of others from so many miles away :) (don't get embarrashed). So as a gifted person one can distinguish you from the crowd.You cannot do anything to change it. I don't hide you that I was stronly thinking of you when last week got back in the posts here. Is it bad?Every time you post is like a sunbeam and I was wishing you could answer my questions. Sorry if it is annoying but it is true. I want you to be good and all the others is nothing for me.

lives not lihes