I posted yesterday about being on the trial for Super Herceptin & that after 3 1/2 years at stage IV I am NED. Well its 24 hours later & I am miserable. I couldn't sleep last night. Today I have been crying and angry and I have no idea why!
Has anyone ever had anything like this happen to them. I can't understand why I'm not ecstatic. What the heck is wrong with me?
Help,
Cathy
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jeanne46 Joined: Nov 2006 Posts: 1,038 |
Nov 7, 2009 07:54 pm
jeanne46 wrote:
We all seem to walk a very thin tightrope. Our emotions are fraught with constant ups and downs and fear is either on or just below the surface. It's wonderful that you are NED. But I understand that because you have reached that place, you also know that you can lose it. It's not like, "ahhh I am finally cured. Now I can go on with the rest of my life." Take a deep breath. And keep on truckin.' That's my two cents worth. Hugs. Handle every stressful situation like a dog - if you can't eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away. Dx 12/2005 Stage IV, Grade 3, mets ER+ PR- Her/2 (2+)
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JeninMichig… Joined: Feb 2009 Posts: 477 |
Nov 7, 2009 07:55 pm
JeninMichigan wrote:
Cathy I have been NED now for about 17 months. Everytime I get a PET and get the results, I am of course so relieved but then the worry comes back quickly. I think it can't possibly be long lived and I will probably have to get chemo soon again. There is a fear about getting my hopes up. It is a weird thing. I have a mode though that I can get myself in that can overirde this. I guess it is sort of the live for today mode. In my mind, I think that the clean PET will probably buy me six months until the next one so I live my life in six month increments and I am living those six months to the fullest and try not to think beyond it. I really don't want cancer to define who I am and sometimes it take a real deliberate effort to make sure it doesn't happen. Not sure if it is the same kind of feelings for you. Jennifer Diagnosis: 2/22/2008, IDC, 2cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 4/9 nodes, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2+ |
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X3sMom Joined: Jan 2009 Posts: 96 |
Nov 7, 2009 11:26 pm
X3sMom wrote:
Cathy, NED is such good news, we want to be excited and share it. We did when Kendra was NED this summer. But her daughter was skeptical and said "yeah, but for how long this time?" She didn't want to hope for too much because it's hurts too bad when you have to tell yourself and other people "it's back again". Then, they start feeling sorry for you all over again. Kendra was NED only 2 months and is really taking it hard this time. Jeanne is right. Try to keep on truckin' ... who knows, maybe a cure is just around the corner. Glenda
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ElaineD Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 979 |
Nov 8, 2009 07:08 am
ElaineD wrote:
To be honest, I haven't experienced emotions like this. I have had only a few periods of stability so I guess I still get excited when it happens. All I can really suggest is try not to look too far down the track, and just enjoy the day for what it is-at the moment life is going well for you. NED may last weeks, months, years....However long you are blessed with this fantastic diagnosis, do try and enjoy it for what it is-a respite from the agonies of treatment. Having said that, I'm sure you reaction is quite natural-----tomorrow is another day! Onwards and upwards,xx Diagnosis: 11/4/2007, 5cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, ER+/PR-, HER2+ |
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RobinWendy Joined: Mar 2007 Posts: 1,283 |
Nov 8, 2009 09:37 am
RobinWendy wrote:
Having to confront one's mortality every time we get a scan makes it very difficult to ignore the ramifications of this disease... even when the news is good. Because as soon as we hear the good news, we worry about the next scan and how long can this last. So, even though it's the good news we are looking for, we know the bottom can drop at a moment's notice. While I was in remission/NED, as my scan approached I would get a sick feeling in my stomach, knowing that one day, the news would change... and of course, it did. The feelings are so complex, we should just allow ourselves to feel them, whatever they are... celebrate if possible if the news is good, mourn if the news is bad, and then get on with it as best we can. But, certainly, no apologies necessary if hearing good news does not make us euphoric. Robin dx Stage II primary BC in Jan. 2001;dx with DCIS on other breast in Jan. 2003; dx with mets to lungs in Jan. 2004 (What's up with me and January, anyway?)
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Fitztwins Joined: Dec 2004 Posts: 7,731 |
Nov 8, 2009 11:23 am
Fitztwins wrote:
We wait to exhale after each scan. I agree all those emotions are pent up and have to come out eventually. Let the tears come. I am stable (as far as i know). It doesn't make this road easier. Also, for those of us that respond to treatment and do well, do you think it is survivor guilt? Stupid I know. We understand, promise me tomorrow that you will go out and live and roll in the grass. Just watch out for dog doo.!!! Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain, with the rain of shambala
Diagnosis: 12/12/2004, IDC, Stage IV, Grade 2, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2+ |
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ElaineD Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 979 |
Nov 8, 2009 11:36 am
ElaineD wrote:
Survivor guilt is a good theory Janis. All the more so when participating in a forum where we regularly see so much bad news-perhaps more than we do in our frequent hospital trips for tests and treatments. Diagnosis: 11/4/2007, 5cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, ER+/PR-, HER2+ |
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Catgo Joined: Aug 2003 Posts: 120 |
Nov 8, 2009 01:20 pm
Catgo wrote:
Thanks for the great responses. Suvivor guilt is a good theory. I just lost a stage IV friend about 10 days ago & thoughts of her were my first thought when I heard my good news. I am feeling much better today, you are all so right, take one day at a time, be happy for my current status and never think too far ahead. Hugs, Cathy |
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