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Topic: I feel like my security blanket is gone now that chemo is done

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  • Posted on: Oct 12, 2009 07:39 am
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 10
mickey3 wrote:

Hello

I am so excited to be a part of such a wonderful group of individuals. FIGHTERS!!! I was diagnosed at the age 0f 34. I went for a routine mammogram in April 2009 and was diagnosed the same day. I just was completley blind sided I just kept saying I am only 34 and have 2 small boys at home and they need me. I had a double mastectomy in April and was on chemo by may receptor + and I had 15 out of 25 lymph nodes involved.

I just finished my last Taxotere and Cytoxan ( had severe reaction to carboplatin)  on The 8th of October. I will still receive The Herceptin until spring. The only thing is now is that I am very scared of recurrence. i felt when I was on the chemo it was kind of a security blanket even though I felt like crap. Does anyone else feel like this?  I start Radiation the end of the month for 6 weeks. I will then start Tamoxifen any tips on handling side effects for this? Any support is appreciated. thanks again and keep fighting and staying positive I try every day!!

Posts 1 - 22 (22 total)
Lassie123
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 60
Oct 12, 2009 08:16 am Lassie123 wrote:

I know exactly what you mean.

I felt the same way. 

I finished chemotherapy and thought I would be so happy to be done... but it was very scary for me to not be going through treatment any more - like even though I hated chemotherapy, I felt protected in some way by it.  I had chemotherapy prior to surgery, and so it was a weird time for me between the 2 because everyone was congratulating me and saying how I should be so happy to be done.  But I didn't feel happy, I just felt scared. 

I have to say that went away after a few weeks.  I'm OK now, but am in the middle of radiation therapy, so I am wondering if I will go through the same thing once radiation is done. 


Diagnosis: 2/20/2009, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIIa, Grade 2, 7/12 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
nagem
NY
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 244
Oct 12, 2009 08:23 am nagem wrote:

Mickey, I'm so sorry to read of your diagnosis at such an early age. Although I was quite a bit older, I too felt undefended once chemo was done. Chemo made me feel so rotten, I knew it had to be bad for the cancer as well. But Herceptin is an extremely powerful drug against her2neu cancers—even though it doesn't feel as strong (read toxic) as chemo—and radiation is also very powerful, so you are still actively fighting with state-of-the-art weapons. And once you are done with the drugs and the radiation, you can turn to good health habits, like eating fruits and vegetables, exercising daily and drinking lots and lots of water and green tea, which apparently are powerful in their own right in the aftermath of treatment. (Though, of course, you need to talk to your oncologist and radiation oncologist about when to start drinking something like green tea.) Good luck!

nagem (http://underthestinkwoodtree.blogspot.com)
Diagnosis: 9/23/2005, ILC, 1cm, Stage IIa, Grade 3, 1/13 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+
chainsawz
Tucson, AZ
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 259
Oct 12, 2009 06:44 pm chainsawz wrote:

Herceptin is strong stuff!  I only had a moderate response to chemo (taxotere\carboplatin), but Herceptin has kept my lung mets in check for over a year now and hopefully 30 more!!  It doesn't cause the same awful side effects as chemo, but it is powerful.   Best to you!! lisa

Lisa -mets to lungs & brain.....the weakest step toward the top of the hill, toward sunrise, toward hope, is stronger than the fiercest storm.
Diagnosis: 7/21/2008, IDC, 3cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 0/2 nodes, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2+
stef58
NE
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 166
Oct 12, 2009 07:11 pm stef58 wrote:

I feel the same way. I am done with chemo in 2 weeks and have been wondering about my chances of this stuff coming back. I do not have to do radiation, but will take tamoxifin. I took 4A/C and now am on taxotere. My onco. used this combo alot so he must have a good response with it. my biggest concern was the one node that they found positive. I think we are all strong people who have come through a rough journey and  will prevail. Hugs Dianne
helena67
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 232
Oct 13, 2009 02:54 pm helena67 wrote:

The way you feel is very understandable - but, Herceptin is a good drug. And you will have the radiation too, and hormone treatment. So, it is not just the chemo - you have lots of treatments left!

Best wishes,

Helena.


Diagnosis: 8/2008, ILC, 6cm+, Stage IIIa, Grade 2, 4/11 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+
lexislove
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,942
Oct 13, 2009 03:44 pm lexislove wrote:

I felt the same way. It gets better.

Celebrate that you are DONE and the Herceptin worked!

Dx: Sep 2007, IDC 8cm, 0/6 nodes, ACT Chemo, R Mastectomy, 1 yr Herceptin, 28 Rads,Currently on Lupron, Tamox & Zometa. Exchange Sx Fall 2009, BRCA -
ango74
Fort Worth, TX
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 111
Oct 13, 2009 06:06 pm ango74 wrote:

I can totally relate. Just keep in mind you are still on Herceptin and that is a HUGE part of our treatment. I wasn't so upset or worried when I finished chemo but I just finished all treatment 3 wks ago and now I am freaking out a bit.  I know it will get easier with every day.  I am also 34 with 2 younger kids at home.  It is a lot to deal with!

Take care.

Dx 7/18/08 3cm IDC, grade 3, 13/21 nodes, er-/pr-, HER2+++
flash
ct
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 655
Oct 13, 2009 07:02 pm flash wrote:

hang in there.  You're still fighting and strong.

dcis, idc, pagets er+,pr+ her2+++
Diagnosis: 10/10/2007, Paget's, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2+
PS73
Bergen County, NJ
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 236
Oct 13, 2009 07:58 pm PS73 wrote:

...all too well.  I finally got used to something I had an incredible up front fear of and now I have to let it go and walk forward.  I think it's completely normal to feel insecurity because the next stage is another unknown in the whole process.  Its institionalizing in a way, and for me (obviously for all of us), its the fear that it will come back I think that will forever be haunting.  The 'out of control' night terrors alone are a force to reckon with.  The only thing we can do is trust in our choices and take that leap of faith.

Good luck on the outside and hang in there.

"Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense”
Diagnosis: 4/24/2009, 2cm, Stage IIa, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+
ameron
Clearwater, FL
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 50
Oct 13, 2009 09:22 pm ameron wrote:

I too just finished chemo on Friday.  Couldn't wait for the last chemo as I can't wait to stop feeling like crap.  But by Saturday night I was having a complete melt down.  Chemo was definitely my security blanket.  There is nothing to stop the cancer from recurring now.  It is VERY scary....you are definitely not alone.  I hope the scariness subsides.


Diagnosis: 5/7/2009, IBC, Stage IIIc, Grade 3, ER-/PR-, HER2+
seyla888
NY
Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 4,901
Oct 13, 2009 09:34 pm seyla888 wrote:

I also had a melt down right after radiation, but still was on Herceptin, when I was finished with it I was lost for a while what should've been a Happy Time.

Now my 5 year anniversary is getting closer I think about it every day. By well meaning friends & family say " Everything is behind you now " even 3 years ago was hearing the same thing.

Smile Sheila


Diagnosis: 4/1/2005, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
mickey3
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 10
Oct 23, 2009 01:57 pm mickey3 wrote:

Thank you evreyone for all your comments! I am glad to know I am not alone. Kepp fighting!!
kayjay44
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 3
Oct 23, 2009 02:03 pm kayjay44 wrote:

I know exactly what u mean.. I finished chemo in Sept.on the 14th which was my 44th B'day. I felt so afraid to leave the clinic that day and my thoughts where what do i do now...I know it is a scary feeling but i promise you as days go by it gets easier > I can say that now because i have experienced it and now i know...You hang and there and keep god on yourside and kiss up those boys and everything will start to make scents..You will see... My prayers are with you!
orange1
Chicago
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 512
Oct 23, 2009 03:08 pm, edited Oct 23, 2009 03:41 PM by orange1 orange1 wrote:

Consider asking your onc for zometa 2x/year.  In premenopausal women it decreased the chance of recurrence by 36%.  Many of us Her2+ are on it.  Search zometa and you will find lots of information.  Good luck.


Diagnosis: 8/2007, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+
lexislove
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,942
Oct 23, 2009 03:36 pm lexislove wrote:

Excellent suggestion orange. Im not sure if your ER+ or not ...but if you are taking an AI or Tamox will be very helpful as well.So really?......you wouldnt be exactly done.

Dx: Sep 2007, IDC 8cm, 0/6 nodes, ACT Chemo, R Mastectomy, 1 yr Herceptin, 28 Rads,Currently on Lupron, Tamox & Zometa. Exchange Sx Fall 2009, BRCA -
amyob
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 21
Oct 23, 2009 05:02 pm, edited Oct 23, 2009 05:03 PM by amyob amyob wrote:

Do you have to take Zoladex (goserelin) to shut down your ovaries before taking Tamox with Zometa?  That part I can't figure out from the website. 


Diagnosis: 10/6/2009, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
lexislove
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,942
Oct 23, 2009 05:15 pm lexislove wrote:

You only need Zoladex to shut down the ovaries. There are a lot of woman who just take Tamoxifen by itself. Or they take Zoladex, to put them in a menopause state so they can take an AI instead of tamox.

Zometa can be given as is.

Dx: Sep 2007, IDC 8cm, 0/6 nodes, ACT Chemo, R Mastectomy, 1 yr Herceptin, 28 Rads,Currently on Lupron, Tamox & Zometa. Exchange Sx Fall 2009, BRCA -
amyob
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 21
Oct 23, 2009 05:22 pm amyob wrote:

Thanks Lexi.  I could only find info on the benefits of taking tamox with zometa after the ovaries had been shut down or removed.  That clears it up.  


Diagnosis: 10/6/2009, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
kim40
Halifax, NS
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 445
Oct 23, 2009 05:30 pm kim40 wrote:

Hi Mickey

I think everyone has felt the same way you do right now.  I know I did.  I finshed chemo in June, rads in August and will stay on Herceptin until July 2010. It's pretty scary, but what how you feel is normal.

I will also be starting Zometa soon.  I also take the Zoladex injections and I'm also on Femara.   I was d/x at 40 - too young in my books too!

Kim "I Live to Run" - Melissa Ethridge
Diagnosis: 1/6/2009, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIIa, Grade 3, 14/19 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+
RebeccaAnne…
Bradenton, FL
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 4
Nov 6, 2009 04:44 pm RebeccaAnne74 wrote:

I definately felt "exposed" once my chemo was done.  Until then, I had been in the Cancer Ctr weekly, with weekly blood draws, etc...  When I was told not to come back for 1 month, I panicked.   When I was given Tamoxifen and told not to come back for 3 months, I really panicked.  Now we are going to treat the HR2+ part of my diagnosis now that my heart is strenghthened back up, so I will be in the Ctr more often than I have been of late.  


Diagnosis: 1/25/2008, 5cm, Stage IV, mets, ER+, HER2+
Warrior517
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 203
Nov 6, 2009 04:53 pm Warrior517 wrote:

I have felt the same way and one way of coping for me was to write poems...here is the poem I wrote after treatments and before my surgery to replace my expanders w/perm implants...ENJOY and know you are NOT alone in your feelings...not alone, ever! We are always here for you!

The Chapter Closes...

It has been over a year since I received the call

You have breast cancer...I remember starting to bawl.

Surgery was needed, chemo and rads, too.

Don't forget the IV med, Herceptin, which is new!

My journey is written but I don't know the end....

But do any of us really, my friend??

I have written each chapter in my heart and my head,

From every tear to hope to all of the meds.

My surgery has temporaily changed me frm a C to an A

Thank goodness for pump ups in this modern day!

I made it thru surgery, waking up w/4 drains.

Taking my Vicodin to get thru the pains.

I heal and get stronger each and everyday

So, I finish that chapter w/success, I say!

A new chapter starts, the one we all dread...

Chemo begins and I know it will affect my head.

Soon, my brush was filled w/chunks of hair

I was sad, but I was prepared to look in the mirror.

Fun wigs..short wigs...sassy ones, too!

No one knew which one I would do!

Made it through chemo w/support of family and friends

Time to close that chapter, thought it would never end!

So, the new chapter begins of radiation for over 6 weeks

The burn and the pain would eventually peak

Again, I make it thru w/everyone's love and prayers.

Each day, I live in Faith and Hope, NOT fears.

I close the chapter of my new burnt skin.

Grateful my expanders did not give in!

I do my IV med, Herceptin, every 3 weeks for a year.

The Oncologists staff know you by name and truly care

The access was made easier by inserting a port

But it's been over a year, not very short!

So, when does this chapter get to close for me?

In 2 weeks, and my heart needed these words to be free

You won't hear this often, but it gets stuck in our mind.

We get fearful, as safety nets are removed one at a time.

This is where I learned to control what I think

Positive thoughts can turn a black world to pink!

I also have learned to not live in fear, but hope

It is love, faith and believing that helps us cope.

So, here I sit two weeks before my final surgery day

Looking forward to silicone, port out and an overnite stay

I felt the need to write down my words for others to hear.

Maybe you will read them and want to share

I am a fighter, a warrior at war.

I have my battle wounds to even the score

I wear my pink boxing gloves and continue to fight.

So, pray for all of us each day and each night!!

  


Diagnosis: 1/11/2008, IDC, Stage IIa, Grade 3, 2/6 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2+
mickey3
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 10
Nov 11, 2009 02:14 pm mickey3 wrote:

Warrior517,,

What an amazing poem thank you so much for sharing!! All the words are sooo true! I am glad to kno there are people out there that care and are an inspiration. Thank you!

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