All Topics → Forum: Living Without Reconstruction After a Mastectomy → Topic: Wardrobe pics for boobless days
Posted on: Jul 6, 2009 02:46 PM
I know there must be many women who have gone through the struggle of finding new wardrobes after their mastectomy surgeries. Wondered if there would be those of you who could actually post pics showing examples of your outfits. Its just so much easier for those of us still trying to find our new wardrobes we could see the outfits or how you layer things on those days when you don't wear the forms. Thanks for any help with this.Log in to post a reply
Posts 421 - 450 (474 total)
Dec 13, 2011 04:49 PM Tina337 wrote:
You might trying thinking (and be prepared to say) what Barbe1958 has worded so perfectly: "Why should I wear fake boobs so YOU feel comfortable?"
You are what matters, and it's nice your husband happens to think going flat a good idea. My husband is on board, too. WE are the ones who had BC and have had to suffer the consequences . . We don't need to justify our choices about reconstruction or prosthetics.
Dec 13, 2011 07:40 PM Djustme wrote:
It's a bit tricky tring to find clothes when you still have one boob, but luckily I was only a 34B prior to surgery. Anything that draws attention to the remaining breast, makes it obvious that the other one is missing. You have to try on lots of clothes - take everything that might work to the dressing room - you may only find one top for every 6 or 8 you try on.
Momine - everyone in my family automatically assumed I would get reconstruction, and take the 'opportunity' to make the remaining breast larger. I just told them I had no intention of going through the pain and recovery of surgery that I felt wasn't required. I told them that if they researched the procedure that I'm sure they would make the same decision. I think the missing breast reminds people of the ugly truth that breast cancer exists and that no one is immune and that makes them uncomfortable - if you reconstruct, they can pretend it never happened.
I'm surprised that my husband is okay with it (and actually a better husband after going through this), but it is my body and my decision - if he couldn't or wouldn't accept it, he could find the door.
Dec 13, 2011 08:57 PM barbe1958 wrote:
Momine, I "use" my flat chest to remind those around me that my cancer journey is NOT over! Your Mom probably wants to forget the fear she had when you were diagnosed and was looking for everything to be back to normal. Is YOUR life back to normal? No? I didn't think so. So why should you go through 2 years of multiple surgeries and PAIN to make HER feel better????
If you REALLY truly need an "out", tell her that you have truncal (chest) lymphadema and cannot ever wear a bra again. I couln't get recon now if I wanted to as I have mild truncal LE and wouldn't want to piss it off and make it worse! There would be no way for her to know different. PM or ask me questions here - as our chatter and posts help those that don't post, but just read.
Dec 13, 2011 11:12 PM crystalphm wrote:
About family, I think Barbe got it right, if we look "normal" then mothers can forget what happened. I get that, because I have a daughter with a chronic illness, I would prefer to forget too.
But such is not reality. My mother in law thinks I humiliate her with my flat chest, she is quite horrified and feels I should be ashamed.
My Mom gets a bit teary, but I am only 5 weeks out with my second mastectomy. She will get used to me :-)
My daughter though...she is 30 and absolutely encourages me to go flat...because she sees in me a struggle (cancer) and an example of *choosing life*. She feels every time I smile and laugh and show confidence, I make it easier for the "next woman".
Off topic sorta, but I bought silk cami's to wear against my ultra sensitive scars...it feels decadent. I feel sexy, and I have not felt sexy for 2 years since this cancer nightmare began. I got my hair cut short and flirty, so I can wear long earrings...
Dec 14, 2011 05:27 AM barbe1958 wrote:
Momine, so interesting that you say that about forcing others to deal with our cancer. I had a therapist say to me to "Go out and get reconstruction so you can stop thinking about cancer and making everyone have to think about it with you!" Wow!! I got rid of HER pretty quick. I guess I made HER feel uncomfortable, eh?
I never 'forced' anyone to look at my chest before. You don't have to look at it now, either!!
But strangely, I DO know what she means....!
Dec 14, 2011 08:01 AM Starak wrote:
Momine: I think I would like to offer a little different perspective.
Medically, pursuing recon would have been akin to Russian Roulette or even suicide. Flat, for me, was an empowering, optimistic choose life decision. I have never looked at it as making a statement or as a reminder to anyone of the cancer. Far from it.
I am grateful to be upright and doing well. Anyone close to me better see that as the most important thing too.
Yes, some of my very closest friends thought I might opt for prosthesis. Now as time has passed and my clothes are so much more likely to be in style, they feel I look better now than before. My family was not at all surprised that I opted to go flat and have steadfastly supported me in that decision from the get go.
So much time has passed and all the people in my world are so accustomed to seeing me this way that it is just Barbara and normal for them now.
I really suspect that even your Mom, given time, will learn to accept it if not embrace it.
Dec 14, 2011 08:10 AM Momine wrote:
Barbe, I am not saying I agre with the attitude, I am with you. But I think that is where my mom is coming from. She is old school, you don't talk about yourself etc.
Dec 14, 2011 10:14 AM River_Rat wrote:
Crystalphm, the message that your daughter sees is the one that I am trying to convey to my daughters and friends. My daughters seem to feel the same way but many of my friends just don't want to think about it.
I only have one friend who really pushed me to have reconstruction. She herself had a single MX and waited four years to have reconstruction, during which time she says she was severely depressed. She repeatedly told me that I would be depressed and regret not having reconstruction. I had to repeatedly tell her that people are different, that what was right for her just wasn't right for me.
She pushed it so hard for awhile that I really had to bite my tongue to not tell her everything about reconstruction that bothered me. But it wouldn't have helped me and would have hurt her for me to start down that list.
Dec 14, 2011 11:12 AM barbe1958 wrote:
Momine, I knew what you meant!! I was just saying that in some way, some very, very small way I agree with your Mom. But then, I didn't make them look at my boobs while I had them either.
Dec 14, 2011 11:57 AM Djustme wrote:As with Starak - I consider the additional surgery not worth the risk. I am not trying to make people think about breast cancer by being flat, I was just pointing out that it is one of the things that offends people about it. People may also push if they have had recon or wear prothesis and feel the need to justify their decision (which means to me that they have not truly accepted their own decision). If your family and friends truly love you - the fact that your health has stabalized and you are satisfied with the way you look - should be enough for them.
Dec 15, 2011 08:47 AM barbe1958 wrote:
Momine, we think alike!! I didn't want to be the corpse with the perkey breasts.....AND I've often said that I 'wear' my chest like a badge or shield to prove that I'm winning (so far!).
Dec 15, 2011 06:32 PM Djustme wrote:
lol - you are so funny Barb1958. But Momine is right - I don't want to waste any of the time I have, feeling miserable for surgery that is avoidable. And like you said before Barb - in a wierd way, surgery would make it possible for everyone else to forget you had bc, but we still have to live with it. I messed my back up big time in an accident - but because no one can see it, it is all better as far as they are concerned. I still have to live with the chronic pain, but when anyone asks how I am, they don't want to hear about it - my pain is somehow fake because it is invisible.
Dec 15, 2011 07:13 PM Linda-n3 wrote:
I am so happy to find this thread today! A am flat & fabulous. My BS insisted I see a PS to plan for reconstruction even though I told her I probably wasn't interested (I am also one who gets the rare complications and SEs), and the PS was ready to schedule me right away for TEs on the day of my BMX. I briefly considered immediate reconstruction with implants, but BS and PS said not a good option for me in case they recommended rads. I declined, and I think they both thought I should have followed "the program."
I also went boob shopping for prostheses this week, and it was disappointing. Nothing available, has to be ordered, so I have to go back when she gets bras and small prostheses in. After seeing all of the pictures here, knowing how free I have felt since October, and all the hassle I seem to have with clothes anyway, I am probably going to just go flat. I tend to dress "preppie" so pinpoint shirts and jackets or vests are my favorite, and seem to work fairly well for me. I wear a lot of turtlenecks, but with sweaters or jackets, so don't feel too self-conscious.
I DO have question/concern about wearing my "slinky" more form-fitting holiday dresses, but you have provided some great ideas. And I want to get back to my water aerobics classes, and haven't figured out the swimsuit plan yet. I don't sew, but my sister does, so if anyone has some specific suggestions/directions, I would greatly appreciate it.
Jstunme, I had BMX on Oct. 3, asked my BS if I could do it as OP, she compromised on an overnight. I was out of surgery into recovery about noon or 1, into observation until 8 or 9 am the next morning. I was pain-free and feelin' fine, don't remember lots of details (lol!), but was so glad to be home away from the risks of infection, careless caregivers, etc. (I ended up with infection anyway, but that is another story). Anyway, good luck, and if you haven't done so, join one of the surgery threads. That was really helpful to me to reduce anxiety and improve optimism.
This is an old picture of me, typical shirt & sweater vest, and except for chemocurls persisting and 25 pound weight loss, still look pretty much like this. Will post newer photo when I get one.
Dec 16, 2011 08:06 AM barbe1958 wrote:
Linda, I had to go to a 5-star resort for a destination wedding my DD had in Punta Cana less than 6 months after my bilat!!! What I did was cut the foam inserts and all the attached beige fabric from the inside of my tankini. It fit like a dream!!! Was obvious I had no breasts, but I strutted around that resort like I had the best two out there. Every once in a while you could see 'the penny drop' on someone who was looking at me. Due to my attitude, I didn't get any pitying looks, thank goodness!!! Still feels WONDERFUL to not have to wear a bra!!!
Dec 16, 2011 02:25 PM Starak wrote:
Well Ladies, If I was bound and determined I was going to have foobs in 2012, today was my deadline to provide for them. At the end of the day, I decided flat has worked well for me so far and so I have opted for Flat & Fabulous in 2012. Please keep the photos and all the creative ideas flowing.
Dec 29, 2011 11:34 PM crystalphm wrote:
It makes me smile to drop in here and read or reread your posts...I have now put off buying foobs since the bad experience at the fitter, and honestly I am not sure i want to deal with the discomfort of it all anyway.
I have read it here before and now I find it is becoming true for me, the longer I go without foobs, the more comfortable I feel. only one crazy moment so far, when my dh reached for a breast and got...well, nothing, but we both laughed and fine, so be it. Anyone else with an experience like this?