Topic: Wardrobe pics for boobless days

Dec 13, 2011 02:27 PM, edited May 9, 2013 04:18 AM by Momine

Dec 13, 2011 07:40 PM Djustme wrote:

It's a bit tricky tring to find clothes when you still have one boob, but luckily I was only a 34B prior to surgery.  Anything that draws attention to the remaining breast, makes it obvious that the other one is missing. You have to try on lots of clothes - take everything that might work to the dressing room - you may only find one top for every 6 or 8 you try on.

Momine - everyone in my family automatically assumed I would get reconstruction, and take the 'opportunity' to make the remaining breast larger.  I just told them I had no intention of going through the pain and recovery of surgery that I felt wasn't required. I told them that if they researched the procedure that I'm sure they would make the same decision.  I think the missing breast reminds people of the ugly truth that breast cancer exists and that no one is immune and that makes them uncomfortable - if you reconstruct, they can pretend it never happened.

I'm surprised that my husband is okay with it (and actually a better husband after going through this), but it is my body and my decision - if he couldn't or wouldn't accept it, he could find the door.

Dec 13, 2011 11:12 PM crystalphm wrote:

About family, I think Barbe got it right, if we look "normal" then mothers can forget what happened. I get that, because I have a daughter with a chronic illness, I would prefer to forget too.

But such is not reality. My mother in law thinks I humiliate her with my flat chest, she is quite horrified and feels I should be ashamed.

My Mom gets a bit teary, but I am only 5 weeks out with my second mastectomy. She will get used to me :-)

My daughter though...she is 30 and absolutely encourages me to go flat...because she sees in me a struggle (cancer) and an example of *choosing life*. She feels every time I smile and laugh and show confidence, I make it easier for the "next woman".

Off topic sorta, but I bought silk cami's to wear against my ultra sensitive scars...it feels decadent. I feel sexy, and I have not felt sexy for 2 years since this cancer nightmare began. I got my hair cut short and flirty, so I can wear long earrings...

Dec 14, 2011 01:26 AM, edited May 9, 2013 04:20 AM by Momine

Dec 14, 2011 05:27 AM barbe1958 wrote:

Momine, so interesting that you say that about forcing others to deal with our cancer. I had a therapist say to me to "Go out and get reconstruction so you can stop thinking about cancer and making everyone have to think about it with you!" Wow!! I got rid of HER pretty quick. I guess I made HER feel uncomfortable, eh?

I never 'forced' anyone to look at my chest before. You don't have to look at it now, either!!

But strangely, I DO know what she means....!

Dec 14, 2011 08:10 AM Momine wrote:

Barbe, I am not saying I agre with the attitude, I am with you. But I think that is where my mom is coming from. She is old school, you don't talk about yourself etc.

Dec 14, 2011 10:14 AM River_Rat wrote:

Crystalphm, the message that your daughter sees is the one that I am trying to convey to my daughters and friends.  My daughters seem to feel the same way but many of my friends just don't want to think about it.

I only have one friend who really pushed me to have reconstruction.  She herself had a single MX and waited four years to have reconstruction, during which time she says she was severely depressed.  She repeatedly told me that I would be depressed and regret not having reconstruction.  I had to repeatedly tell her that people are different, that what was right for her just wasn't right for me.

She pushed it so hard for awhile that I really had to bite my tongue to not tell her everything about reconstruction that bothered me.  But it wouldn't have helped me and would have hurt her for me to start down that list. 

Dec 14, 2011 11:14 AM, edited May 9, 2013 04:20 AM by Momine

Dec 14, 2011 11:21 AM, edited May 9, 2013 04:20 AM by Momine

Dec 14, 2011 11:46 AM, edited May 9, 2013 04:21 AM by Momine

Dec 14, 2011 08:02 PM barbe1958 wrote:

Good point DJust!! I find those that push the hardest for others to get recon had some sort of trouble and are still in acceptance/or not mode....

Dec 15, 2011 08:47 AM barbe1958 wrote:

Momine, we think alike!! I didn't want to be the corpse with the perkey breasts.....AND I've often said that I 'wear' my chest like a badge or shield to prove that I'm winning (so far!).

Dec 15, 2011 07:13 PM Linda-n3 wrote:

I am so happy to find this thread today!  A am flat & fabulous.  My BS insisted I see a PS to plan for reconstruction even though I told her I probably wasn't interested (I am also one who gets the rare complications and SEs), and the PS was ready to schedule me right away for TEs on the day of my BMX.  I briefly considered immediate reconstruction with implants, but BS and PS said not a good option for me in case they recommended rads.  I declined, and I think they both thought I should have followed "the program." 

I also went boob shopping for prostheses this week, and it was disappointing.  Nothing available, has to be ordered, so I have to go back when she gets bras and small prostheses in.  After seeing all of the pictures here, knowing how free I have felt since October, and all the hassle I seem to have with clothes anyway, I am probably going to just go flat.  I tend to dress "preppie" so pinpoint shirts and jackets or vests are my favorite, and seem to work fairly well for me.  I wear a lot of turtlenecks, but with sweaters or jackets, so don't feel too self-conscious.

I DO have question/concern about wearing my "slinky" more form-fitting holiday dresses, but you have provided some great ideas.  And I want to get back to my water aerobics classes, and haven't figured out the swimsuit plan yet.  I don't sew, but my sister does, so if anyone has some specific suggestions/directions, I would greatly appreciate it.

Jstunme, I had BMX on Oct. 3, asked my BS if I could do it as OP, she compromised on an overnight.  I was out of surgery into recovery about noon or 1, into observation until 8 or 9 am the next morning.  I was pain-free and feelin' fine, don't remember lots of details (lol!), but was so glad to be home away from the risks of infection, careless caregivers, etc. (I ended up with infection anyway, but that is another story).  Anyway, good luck, and if you haven't done so, join one of the surgery threads.  That was really helpful to me to reduce anxiety and improve optimism.

This is an old picture of me, typical shirt & sweater vest, and except for chemocurls persisting and 25  pound weight loss, still look pretty much like this.  Will post newer photo when I get one.

Dec 16, 2011 08:06 AM barbe1958 wrote:

Linda, I had to go to a 5-star resort for a destination wedding my DD had in Punta Cana less than 6 months after my bilat!!! What I did was cut the foam inserts and all the attached beige fabric from the inside of my tankini. It fit like a dream!!! Was obvious I had no breasts, but I strutted around that resort like I had the best two out there. Every once in a while you could see 'the penny drop' on someone who was looking at me. Due to my attitude, I didn't get any pitying looks, thank goodness!!! Still feels WONDERFUL to not have to wear a bra!!!

Dec 16, 2011 07:32 PM barbe1958 wrote:

Congrats Barbara!! It must feel good to get that monkey off your back!