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Jul 18, 2012 08:30 AM CLC wrote:
Outfield...as to the woman's comments...I totally understand your response to her comments. I would have felt the same, except that I know this woman. And she is the most genuine supportive sincere woman. One of those people who will do anything for you. She completely TRIED to understand where I was coming from, but just couldn't. She offered me her phone number, said call day or night. She was there for me and my best friend, any time, to support. She just couldn't relate. But I knew that about her before bc. She is the type of person who doesn't use her own pool because it might mess up her hair. But she told me that with a gentle laugh at herself. So, I listened to all that she said about it. I even went to the ps because she insisted that I really should before making any decisions.
As to your frustration with your daughter's interest in being pretty...
First, my own experience. My mother was a lesbian. She and her partner both had very strong feminist politics and I was raised with a lot of interaction with the gay community. I was aware of many various issues related to gender as well as sexuality. As a young girl, and then through my teens I completely identified and agreed with those politics. However, I also wore the tightest jeans, the poofiest velour shirts, had the Charlie's Angels' hair... Then, I dressed like Leslie from General Hospital...immaculately with plaid skirts and knee high boots. There was a period where I had to have Candies...(obscenely high heeled shoes). Then came the indian pattern wrap around skirts with leg warmers and hiking boots. I think this all was healthy experimentation with different identities. I think it is normal to try out all of that different stuff. After trying on all those different identities, I settled into me...who, until bc, thought not one whit about appearance.
Second, my daughter loved the princesses, too. She got over it. They really are boring after all. Now she wants to skateboard (as well as dance).
Finally, maybe your daughter means a whole lot more by "being pretty is important," than pretty. Maybe she is talking about her identity with the rest of the world and finding herself as a future woman. I think, that least in my own daughter's case, she is trying to bring her own self out and show it to the rest of the world in a way that is socially acceptable. I guess I mean that beauty is more than our bodies, but it does include our bodies. I think our kids need to know how to love their own bodies in all the different ways possible...including dressing them up... Maybe you could approach the pretty conversation with your daughter by talking about beauty, which includes the other important things, like taking care of guinea pigs as well as ourselves.
I am sorry to go on so about this...but your comments speak to me, as my own mother expressed the same frustrations with my desire to dress up....not knowing how she produced me. It was a challenge for her, too... I wish you all of the best with it...
Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. ~Maori Proverb
Dx 9/15/2011, DCIS, Stage 0, Grade 1, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+Surgery 10/29/2010 Lumpectomy (Left)Surgery 10/07/2011 Mastectomy (Left)