Topic: I look for other flat chested women. A rant.

Jul 17, 2012 05:42 PM lilylady wrote:

nancyjac,

Before I had mine done I was on a thread that was talking about dog-ears and bumps and landscape deformities caused by the surgery. I had lengthy talk with my surgeon about no extra skin and as flat as possible. They had to take part of the chest wall on my cancer side so I am more concave on one side--I hate the way mine look but they are definitely flat. They offend me because they are so crooked. She told me she had to follow the fat??? My incisions are ridiculously long-from center chest thru the armpits and wrapped part way across my back. I couldn't fill a C cup-not sure why they had to be so long.

anyway this is supposed to be about you not me. There was a lady-I think named Starak. I will look it up and PM you. She had dog ears both on the center of her chest and in her armpit. She had them fixed by a plastic surgeon and i don;t think it was a big surgical deal. She was way happier. it was a good thread. I will see what I can find and let you know. I think getting it to a point where you can be happy with it is important and seeing a PS or two doesn't commit you to doing it but just hearing your options.

Jul 17, 2012 06:23 PM coraleliz wrote:

It might just be my imagination or less than optimal care from my doctors, but my PCP ignores my chest now, kinda like she doesn't want to look at it. I saw the PA at my MOs office, she had me change into a gown, but she also seemed afraid of my flat chest. Aren't they suppose to poke around for nodes on my chest wall & armpits? I'm not the least bit uncomfortable but they seem to be.

About kids & MX: When I only knew of a tumor on one side, I thought maybe I should have recon because I was sure I'd never wear a prosthesis of any kind. My son was 13 at the time. At the age where he wants nothing to do with his parents. I thought running around in workout clothes might be enough to cause him further embarrassment. When they found the tumor on the other side, it sealed the deal, both were coming off. In hind sight, I don't think it would have been anymore embarrassing than having parents.

Jul 17, 2012 06:31 PM alexandria58 wrote:

Maybe we should all go shirtless in Central Park.  

This really is silly.  I was watching ads for the Olypmics, featuring very hot young men in just swimming trunks, and I was thinking, well, he has nipples.  Why does he get to go on national tv - and my completely breastless, nippleless chest has to be covered?   

CLC- I love the message you gave your daughter. 

Jul 17, 2012 07:46 PM Momine wrote:

CLC, my daughter is much older than yours, so it is not quite the same. But she has been part of the process, and I have explained to her my reasons for not having recon. I do understand what you mean.

Crystal, the kid was just so matter of fact about it. I doubt she even has a bra (she is Danish, and things are a bit different there). It was more that she seemed to get why I wasn't into it, and immediately, where so many people who ought to know better don't seem to get it at all.

Jul 17, 2012 09:05 PM ohio4me wrote:

By Monday afternoon, I will be a member of the Flat Club. Had Rt MX last year, having Lt MX Monday AM. Looking forward to this with excitement. I want the surgeries behind me and that goal is now in site.

Jul 17, 2012 10:56 PM Outfield wrote:

Nancy, wish I had something more helpful.  My only suggestion is that if you decide to try to address this with surgery, see a few PS's so you have multiple opinions.  I had something unusual and functionally limiting in my axilla, and I saw 3 PS's.  Got three very different evaluations and recommendations.  I ended up going with a guy who does recons but isn't really a breast specialist:  he also has training in and does a lot of burn surgeries.  He was much less cookie-cutter than the two who churn out lots of recons.  I got the feeling he also cared more about what I was saying I wanted.

Dmienn, I go topless so much more now too.  All the time around the house.  It's hot here.  Topless wasn't comfortable before the BMX.  At some point, I'm sure I'm going to wander outside without thinking about it.  But even my guy neighbors don't seem to go shirtless, so it really would be setting a precedent.  I do think I look pretty good.  I lost a little of my pecs on my left side, but I don't think it's very noticeable - within the range of normal personal asymmetry.  If my neutrophils would ever come up and stay up, I really want to pierce myself some "nipples." Well, not do the piercing myself, but you know what I mean.  My whole hesitation is that if I don't like it, it will have left yet another scar.  

CLC, love that about your daughter.  Mine (5) is obsessed with being pretty.  I don't know how I produced this little person.  She is far prettier than I ever was and is already far more fashion conscious than I could be if I tried.  It's very weird to me.  I just don't know how to respond.  Today she said being pretty is important.  I couldn't engage her in any further discussion about that.  I asked her what other things she thought were important about people, and she started talking about a school friend who has to take care of a guinea pig.  So something important that someone does, not something important about people.  Still, that was actually good because we've had some struggles recently getting her to feed the cats and she clearly thinks what this other girl does is important.  So not the answer to what I was wondering when I asked the question, but it wasn't a total bust.  At least it wasn't my son. We asked him today about preschool, and turns out he went into outer space and saw the moon and all the planets.  

Ohio, good luck.  

CLC, the more I think about it, the more I think ??? about that woman's comment.  I'm not ashamed of my scars.  I'm glad my kids can look at me and know I did all I could to minimize my chance I ever have to deal with this dreadful disease again.  That's what my scars mean.    

Jul 18, 2012 08:30 AM CLC wrote:

Outfield...as to the woman's comments...I totally understand your response to her comments.  I would have felt the same, except that I know this woman.  And she is the most genuine supportive sincere woman.  One of those people who will do anything for you.  She completely TRIED to understand where I was coming from, but just couldn't.  She offered me her phone number, said call day or night.  She was there for me and my best friend, any time, to support.  She just couldn't relate.  But I knew that about her before bc.  She is the type of person who doesn't use her own pool because it might mess up her hair.  But she told me that with a gentle laugh at herself.  So, I listened to all that she said about it.  I even went to the ps because she insisted that I really should before making any decisions.

As to your frustration with your daughter's interest in being pretty...

First, my own experience.  My mother was a lesbian.  She and her partner both had very strong feminist politics and I was raised with a lot of interaction with the gay community.  I was aware of many various issues related to gender as well as sexuality.  As a young girl, and then through my teens I completely identified and agreed with those politics.  However, I also wore the tightest jeans, the poofiest velour shirts, had the Charlie's Angels' hair...  Then, I dressed like Leslie from General Hospital...immaculately with plaid skirts and knee high boots.  There was a period where I had to have Candies...(obscenely high heeled shoes).  Then came the indian pattern wrap around skirts with leg warmers and hiking boots.  I think this all was healthy experimentation with different identities.  I think it is normal to try out all of that different stuff.  After trying on all those different identities, I settled into me...who, until bc, thought not one whit about appearance.

Second, my daughter loved the princesses, too.  She got over it.  They really are boring after all.  Now she wants to skateboard (as well as dance).

Finally, maybe your daughter means a whole lot more by "being pretty is important," than pretty.  Maybe she is talking about her identity with the rest of the world and finding herself as a future woman.  I think, that least in my own daughter's case, she is trying to bring her own self out and show it to the rest of the world in a way that is socially acceptable.  I guess I mean that beauty is more than our bodies, but it does include our bodies.  I think our kids need to know how to love their own bodies in all the different ways possible...including dressing them up...  Maybe you could approach the pretty conversation with your daughter by talking about beauty, which includes the other important things, like taking care of guinea pigs as well as ourselves.

I am sorry to go on so about this...but your comments speak to me, as my own mother expressed the same frustrations with my desire to dress up....not knowing how she produced me.  It was a challenge for her, too...  I wish you all of the best with it...

Jul 18, 2012 11:33 AM alexandria58 wrote:

Asking for comments on Flat Fest - see the Facebook page.

Jul 22, 2012 06:02 AM MT1 wrote:

I am just being a goofball. I go away to teach this week and so want to send myself off in style. I have been having fun with clothing artistically, so I am holding two balls of white embroidery thread in these photos.

Jul 22, 2012 05:36 PM AnneMarie_1970 wrote:

Love the animated GIF, MT. Have a great time teaching!

A big howdy to all you other wonderful flat chested (uni or bilateral) women! I've been out of the loop and will continue to be for some time as I wrap up this house remodel project. I'm averaging 10 hours a day right now trying to attend to detail work, painting, and fixing the contractor's mistakes. He left me more headaches than I can count. :/

Hugs,

am

Jul 23, 2012 04:09 PM mumito wrote:

LOL trust me not worth getting POed about.

Jul 23, 2012 05:29 PM alexandria58 wrote:

Actually, agree that I shouldn't be POd about it - but women should have non-recon choices too.

Here is the url:

www.bradayusa.org/ 

Jul 23, 2012 09:11 PM CLC wrote:

That web site just feels like a commercial for plastic surgeons--profit driven.  It left a yucky taste in my mouth. 

Jul 24, 2012 01:17 AM coraleliz wrote:

Way toooooooooooooo pink! The statistics that River rat posted are the lowest I've seen. Maybe be they are so low because the website seems to be based in Canada.

Jul 24, 2012 09:07 AM crystalphm wrote:

I just spoke to a freind in NY who told me a new law makes reconstruction completely free, meaning we do not pay anything out of pocket. (I paid 20% on everything I had done for the mastectomy). As a result, plastic surgeons are chomping at the bit, encouraging women to get immediate recon.

Interesting. For a few hours I felt envious, she is getting the microfat graft and wow, she made it all sound like a cake walk. her doctor said to her do you wish to be beautiful or ugly? (Sloan kettering). Wow.

Then I remembered my flatness is a choice. I did not want 12 hour surgeries, I did not want my stomach cut opened, I simply do not want to worry or have pain anymore.

I made the right choice for me. And I am learning to rock the flat look.