The entire process between wierd mamogram result and BC dx has been about three weeks, although it feels like about amillion years!!! I feel I have a good fighting attitude going forward but there have been some really toxic people come out of the woodwork!!
Toxic #1
She called right in the middle of the mess and cought be crying on the phone and started off helping us out. BUT she has become a one woman-I don't know what. She calls me at least twice a day (to check on me) wanted to be a major support and on the day of my DX (she came to the doc's office even though we told her we had it covered) I asked her to tell my friends because I was still in major freak out mode but I later found out my three closest friends were never called but tons of her friends know EVERYTHING now (some of whom I don't even like)
She contacted teh school and told the princupal that she was going to be advocating for my kids and wanted to have the right to take them out of school if it was necessary and she has said she has set things up like house cleaning and rides to the hospital all on her own.
Its not that I don't appreciate help and support from my friends but first of all, I don't even know her as well as some of my friends, she has steam rolled over my husband and me with her well meaning plans, she calls me at least twice a day including during work days and I just didn't answer the phone this weekend and got a nasty voice mail from her when I was going to call her back.
The biggest thing was at a home party last friday night that I wasn't invited to, someone who has put me on a prayer list mentioned she had done that and this woman flipped out and made a scene saying that I wouldn't want that and she knew better what to do. She told me this when she called me at 7:00am on Friday morning!!!
I know I need to get her to lay off but she is kind of crazy and vengeful if you make her mad so I am going to have to figure out a nice way to tell her that hubby and I are in better control now and we don't need so much HELP right now.
Once I smoothed over things with the school and brought my real friends up to date I have a really good support system that really doesn't include her. So this should be fun
Toxic #2
This is a girl I went to college with. For years all of us got together quite frequently but then I just got busy and grew apart from them. I hadn't seen many of them for like 5 years until a recent party that we went to. This woman acted very cold and just wierd but-whatever. After she left everyone asked me if I had worked out our problem with her. There is no problem I remember having but apparently for the last 5 years she has been telling everyone that "we haven't been speaking" and I guess that I had done something to make her mad. So whatever,
One of my college friends let the others know what I was going through with the BC DX and I get an e-mail from this woman saying that "regardless of what has transpired over the past years she was still my friend and still wished me well" I e-mailed her back and told her I had no idea what had "transpired" but I had no energy to argue with her aboout it.
What the hell!!! Now I am upset about BOTH of these women who are making me INSANE! As if I don't have enough to be worried about!!!!!
Now I am going to have to figure out a way to get these toxic people to leave me alone while I am going through all the rest of this suff!!!
I just needed to vent! But WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE!!!!!!!
Robyn
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AnnNYC Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 2134 |
Aug 24, 2008 11:47 pm
AnnNYC wrote:
Oh, Robyn, that is SO psycho! Psycho #2 sounds kind of run-of-the-mill and easy enough to avoid, but.... Psycho #1??????? Holy sh***!!!!!!!!!! With "help" like that, I'd much rather be ignored!!! Seriously, she sounds scary -- calling your kids' school? I hope you guys can successfully keep her away... I had a friend who was kind of a vengeful, take-over kind of SuperMama type -- but she really HAD been a close friend. And she didn't do CRAZY things like take it upon herself to make a call to her friends' kids' schools! But back when my son was born (25 years ago), she really wanted to literally move in when I came home from the hospital, wanted to be with me in labor and delivery -- I just didn't want that, just wanted me and my husband -- and she was very hurt to be told "thanks, but no thanks" and when she was hurt, she became enraged. Screamed at me not to ever expect any help from her with my baby! I didn't expect help! I just wanted a friend, who would hang out and have fun, and then give me my space, and not SCREAM at me, especially not when I was about 10 months pregnant! So after that, our friendship withered... That was bad enough, but your Psycho #1 takes the cake, I'm sorry to say. Do you have caller ID on your phone, so you can let your answering machine pick it up when it's her? Dx 3/9/2007, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/5 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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Daffodil Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 492 |
Aug 25, 2008 03:53 am, edited Oct 13, 2008 05:47 AM
by Daffodil
Daffodil wrote:
This Post was deleted by Daffodil.
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Hanna Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 705 |
Aug 25, 2008 04:53 am, edited Aug 25, 2008 04:53 AM
by Hanna
Hanna wrote:
Hi Robyn, Toxic #1 sounds like the one to eliminate first, but with her type it has to make sense to HER. What I mean is, you need to tell her that you are very grateful for the help she gave you at the beginning when you were first diagnosed. But now, you really HAVE to give your close family and friends the opportunity to help because they are feeling very left out and THEIR feelings are hurt. Tell Toxic #1 that she probably knows exactly how it must be for you to have all this family and friends that want to help and you need to give each one the opportunity to help you or THEY will be upset. You could tell her the best help she can give you right now is to let your other friends and family help instead. See what I mean? That should help you "fire" her without hurting HER feelings or risking getting HER bent out of shape. Sometimes, I think people like that over react because they think if they don't go overboard, "karma" or something will cause them to have a health problem. She sounds almost defensive about helping you. Just remember you are the CEO of you, you and your husband. Another VERY important thing is to be sure the school has on file that this woman IS NOT permitted to pick up your kids. Put it in writing and give a copy to each member of the school personnel. Toxic #2 just sounds like background noise that will blow over. Come on back here and vent when you need to. We are good listeners and sometimes we even get to the point where we can laugh over stuff like this. You're not alone honey. Good luck with everyone! Take care, hanna |
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SherriM Joined: May 2008 Posts: 177 |
Aug 25, 2008 05:12 am
SherriM wrote:
Robyn--HOLY S#!T Can't really add to anything that Ann, Pansy or Hanna have written, but do agree Toxic #1 needs the boot, and soon. This gal's got issues, and that's the last thing you need to be dealing with right now! She informs the school she's advocating for your kids? That's scarier than hell!! Keep us posted! Sherri Dx 5/16/2008, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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Jenniferz Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 278 |
Aug 25, 2008 04:05 pm
Jenniferz wrote:
Toxic #1 sounds like my youngest daughter's mil!! She runs in and takes charge like she knows what's best. I like the way Hanna has suggested handling her. Everyone saves face here, and she still leaves, feeling like the hero of the day. As far as Toxic #2, she obviously has you confused with someone else she's mad at. Don't worry about her. Jennifer Dx 4/28/2006, IDC, <1cm, Stage Ia, Grade 3, 0/13 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ |
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Robyn66 Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 41 |
Aug 25, 2008 05:01 pm
Robyn66 wrote:
Thank you ladies! Toxic #1 showed up where I work today (I wasnt there because I had an MRI) . She knows my boss who is a dear friends of mine, in fact my boss came with us when I got my DX and took notes! This woman is a total love! Anyway Toxic #1 came in the office and acted wierd like she knew she crossed the line with the voicemail yesterday but my boss just blew it off and let her stew. I haven't heard from Toxic #1 today. I had some great news (for a change) at the MRI. They were going to do a biopsy but the area they were consernced about DISSAPEARED! The radiologist was very positive and said that he was sure I was going to be ok. I never thought I woudl see the day when I would be thrilled to be only dealing with ONE cancer!! But one cancer beats having TWO! Anyway this gives me the perfect opening to "thank her for her help" and start moving away from her!!! I don't want a truck load of fish guts on my lawn (yes she has actually done this to someone) Toxic #2 I forwarded one of my colleg friends her e-mail and my responce and told her that it wasn't to get her in the middle, but to let her know what was said when Toxic #2 starts to complain about how mean I was to her. She e-mailed me back and said how UNBELEIVABLE it was that Toxic #2 would say anything like that to me especially under the circumstances. Sho she is going to end up a lot worse off for badmouthing me to the other women I have known for 20+ years for timing alone!!! So all in all its been a pretty good day! Thank you all for your advice!!!!!!!! I am blessed to have found this place and all of you!!!! Robyn Dx 1cm |
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Jenniferz Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 278 |
Aug 26, 2008 12:17 am
Jenniferz wrote:
Fish guts??!!!! What a nice lady. Not. But, with your wonderful news, it seems that this problem is going to solve itself. And, it sounds like Toxic2 has created more problems for herself. Congrats on the great news! Jennifer Dx 4/28/2006, IDC, <1cm, Stage Ia, Grade 3, 0/13 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ |
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Daffodil Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 492 |
Aug 26, 2008 06:26 am, edited Oct 13, 2008 05:46 AM
by Daffodil
Daffodil wrote:
This Post was deleted by Daffodil.
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wishiwere Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 3070 |
Aug 26, 2008 06:42 am
wishiwere wrote:
Yep, Hanna's right on with her suggestions for the 'gentle' yet perfect let down for Toxic #1! Woah, about her contact to the school! Geepers, our schools would have told her in no uncertain terms, that she would HAVE to get the permission in writing to EVER take over for my child. They knew better in situations like this! Wow! Good Luck with you ONE lump and will keep good thoughts. Stay positive despite all your negative things going on. Looks like #2 is fixed now anyway, so that's one less worry! :D wishiwere
Dx 9/21/2007, ILC, 1cm, Stage Ib, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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Robyn66 Joined: Aug 2008 Posts: 41 |
Aug 26, 2008 08:51 am
Robyn66 wrote:
thanks! We have been having a bit of a joke about Toxic #1 my friends are saying "if you don't see Robyn for a couple of days or can't get her on the phone, better check Toxic #1's basement!!" She is like a combination of Fatal Attraction and Misery!!! The school principal told her that we would basicly have to renounce our parental rights for her to do what she wanted and he didn't think that was likely. WHen I called the school to straighten things out I told him that she was not even going to be on the emergency contact list. So I am going to handle this gently and in public and hopefully it will be solved!!! Thanks!! Love Robyn Dx 1cm |
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Coltsneck Joined: May 2006 Posts: 255 |
Aug 30, 2008 09:38 am
Coltsneck wrote:
Their's really no way to diplomatically deal with Psycho 1 and there's no way she will step back and ease off. This psycho just wants total control. You will really feel soooooooo much better if you, or your husband, just bite the bullet, thank her for her help thus far, but now you NEED to be alone. Yes, she may freak out, babble on to the neighbors and friends about how ungrateful you are, etc. but it doesn't matter. She will continue to take over your life. Make her go away or else your stress levels will skyrocket. She's poison. Dx 5/2/2006, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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footprintsa… Joined: Feb 2008 Posts: 1489 |
Sep 30, 2008 11:23 pm
footprintsangel wrote:
Please Get the book, The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense, I was around and never see my last family members (brothers) But I was put down alot, My words are, I will take that up with me, myself and I and we will get back to you if we need too, And they would leave me alone. I also heard they have low feeling about themselves and that why they do it. Good luck, Debbie |
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