Topic: Why Such A Crabby Attitude?

May 4, 2012 12:55 AM Wabbit wrote:

It all really depends on what forums you are participating in I think. 

If you hang out on the Waiting for Test Results, Just Diagnosed, Going through Treatment, Chemo, Surgery threads etc. you won't hardly ever see a cross word ... just gobs of support and hand holding.   I like to make a visit to those areas when I need a reminder about what this board is really all about. 

When you get into the more debatable topics and the social threads there is more potential for disagreement and just like in real life it happens.

I don't think it's surprising that women dealing with breast cancer sometimes have short fuses and things can get out of hand once in awhile.  The Mods have gotten very good at throwing water on the flames and putting out the fires.    

May 4, 2012 01:24 AM Wabbit wrote:

Actually this board is tame IMO ... even the worst flare ups are polite compared to lots of other internet sites and boards.  Just go read some 'comments' on almost any news article you can find if you want to see mean and nasty ... yikes. 

May 4, 2012 07:03 AM ma111 wrote:

Norah,

I agree with you that there are a few cranky people and they post stuff they should not. Over all though I get more mental help then frustration from the boards and have learned who to stay away from that has started a thread. The mods do get involved and if you see something that is inappropriate, then let them know so they can help.

May 4, 2012 08:40 AM AnneW wrote:

I think cranky people are cranky people, cancer or not. And the anonimity of the internet is the perfect place to be snarky and not be accountable for one's words.

As a rule, BCO is a very supportive place. For cancer. For different values and ways of thinking...not so much. You have to be able to walk away from nastiness or learn to hold your ground in the midst of it. Or have your buddies fight the battles for you, because some people just love a good fight. Not me.

May 4, 2012 11:09 AM dogsandjogs wrote:

I think it is because we are all at the mercy of a cancer diagnosis so we have no control to speak of. We don't like to admit that we are powerless so if we are doing everything we can to beat the beast we resent others who are using alternative (or no treatment)  We should try to be more  compassionate and understanding and respect the other points of view.

May 4, 2012 11:12 AM lisagwa wrote:

Sometimes when reading email or anything online, it may be interpreted differently than the writer intended.

May 4, 2012 11:52 AM dlb823 wrote:

May 4, 2012 01:10 PM, edited May 4, 2012 01:11 PM by thenewme

I admit to sometimes having a crabby attitude here, and sometimes my attitude is downright craPPy.  

"Why such a crabby attitude?"  Thanks for asking!  I've been here for several years now, and misinformation makes me crabby.  People who post and defend bogus, untruthful, dangerous, and disingenuous thinly-disguised promotional information in order to promote some agenda other than breast cancer support make me crabby.

There you have it. If you're (Norahamby, not directed to you personally...just in general) one of those people or someone who comes here wanting fluff and kumbaya without being bothered with facts and truthful information, you're sure to find my "crabbiness" offensive, so please go ahead and put me on ignore now.  Bah. 

May 4, 2012 02:44 PM kayfh wrote:

The newme you're not crabby, you are INTERESTING. It does seem that your posts elicit strong opinions, but isn't that why you post as you do? I happen to agree with your point of view, but I can see how some of the things you say might be construed as red flags. As I said, interesting...

May 4, 2012 03:29 PM, edited May 4, 2012 03:31 PM by Ruby-

Norahamby, I agree, some posters are particularly nasty and rude because they are allowed to be which gives them a sense of entitlement and makes them feel like big girls as a bonus.  I also think that there are many generation gaps on this board.  My generation certainly doesn't relate in the same manner as the younger generations. As for compassion, well, one either has it or doesn't  

May 4, 2012 03:48 PM Nancynow wrote:

Hi Norah,

Yes, the Alt forum is by far the most impacted by nastiness.  I think those who are fans of "conventional only" methods think they are "saving" newbies and others from making treatment decisions that (they think) may turn out deadly for them.  I truly think the comments are made with a genuine concern, but too often, arguments begin and it tends to get nasty quickly.

I did conventional tx's all the way and I am hurting big time now.  My interest lies entirely in the quality of life perspective from Alt threads.  I was early stage dx, and think there is a lot of over-treatment of cancer for early stagers.  I cannot speak for those who have advanced cancer....I have no experience with it other than what I see and read on BCO.

Here's the thing...the Alt forum has a description at the top warning the discussion encompasses treatments and processes that are not evidence-based.  I don't have a problem when conventional proponents enter a discussion, and challenge it - but I get turned off when some people return again and again to  attack even when they are asked to stop by members and the Mods.  The attackers usually demand evidence for a statement.  Alt is mostly not evidence-based!  If you are seeking a study or trial results for every comment made, you are in the wrong forum.  

Being a public forum, anyone can post wherever they like here.  I have seen nastiness coming from both sides, to be honest.  When someone pops into an Alt discussion with non-Alt comments and mindset & arguments start, Alt members can get pretty nasty too.  

Before I came to appreciate the beliefs and desires of those following Alt methods, I had at times jumped into a discussion to defend against comments like "chemo kills".  Almost a year ago, I was bullied by a couple of Alt members via PMs and let me tell you...they were downright scary.  It was the reason I removed my diagnosis from public view.

All opinions and emotions should be considered valid here since we are individuals dealing with the same disease of varying degrees.  BCO is a community of information and support.  When arguments begin, people need to walk away if it is too difficult to refrain from attack and counter-attack.  I can't wait to see some of the upcoming changes to BCO.  Hopefully, people can customize content with what they like to see or read.  If settings were available in which complete forums or threads could not be viewed, perhaps it would result in a more peaceful atmosphere.

Chickadee makes a good point about the Stage 4 forum.  Anytime I have read discussions there, it is most often with respect and huge heaps of support.  

May 4, 2012 04:18 PM Ruby- wrote:

Testimonials on alternatives are considered bunk by some posters.  I consider the above site promoted by the skeptics (so obvious, I'm gasping) overdone bunk except for approx 40 studies over a 20 year period of Joe Does and Jane Does.  Who's to say ?  

Food Poisoning Costs U.S. $152 Billion a Year 

www.webmd.com/food-recipes/foo...

May 4, 2012 04:51 PM cooka wrote:

Norahamby,

Forgive me if this seems crabby, but it appears to me like you are trying to pick an Alt versus Conventional fight with THIS thread. I think those fights are annoying and wish you would all just give it a rest. It is particularly annoying when they pop up in threads that were not advertised as such. Just sayin'... 

May 4, 2012 07:32 PM Beesie wrote:

A lot of the really obvious nastiness is in the Alt and Complementary forums, but it's not restricted to those places.  There are some people who just have a mean streak and every so often you see that come out in their posts.

I have to admit that when I first saw this thread, I thought about saying something similar to what thenewme said but I decided to stay away.  However now that she's brought that up, let me post about other situations where I get crabby. The good news is that these have nothing to do with the Alt forum.

What gets my back up are situations that are more similar to what Pegs said, when she mentioned some of the negative comments that she's encountered when discussing Tram Flaps. I try to be polite and not let it show in my posts (sometimes I succeed, sometimes I don't) but inside I know I'm feeling pretty crabby when I see "support" that really isn't supportive. It's one thing when we offer opinions or explain what decisions we've made; it's another thing to push and push and push and continue to post over and over again, trying to direct someone to what we think they should be doing (which in most cases is the same as whatever it is that we did). Raising all the negatives about the direction that someone else is choosing and then talking about all the positives of the direction you went, isn't being supportive.  And after someone says that they've now made their decision and posts what it is, to point out why you didn't do that same thing isn't supportive and isn't helpful. Similarly, to those who are in the "Not Diagnosed" category, reinforcing their fears and even building up their fears ("I had the same thing and I ended up being diagnosed with BC" or "Yes, the radiologist may say that everything's okay on the film but it could be cancer so don't take any chances") isn't being helpful or supportive.  That's the one that probably gets me the most cranky - when someone has what is almost certain to be a benign problem (a small red spot on the breast and no other symptons, or a cyst) and yet everyone rallies around her telling her that she's right to be scared and to not take the doctor's word and to insist on more testing, etc.. Certainly there are times when more testing and not taking the doctor's word is good advice, but most of the time, something that looks like it's nothing turns out to be nothing.  So there are ways to present all the options - including explaining the risks and other things that might be good to do to ensure that nothing is missed - without reinforcing the fear that a diagnosis of BC is around the corner.

Just thinking about those types of situations make me crabby!   So count me as sometimes one of the ones who has a crabby attitude!

May 4, 2012 11:35 PM jancie wrote:

This same type of thread tends to appear any time a thread is deleted or locked by the mods.

Nothing positive ever comes out of a thread like this - no progress - no changed opinions.