Posted on: Nov 4, 2010 09:40 PM, edited Dec 30, 2011 05:50 PM by Fearless_One
Posts 3721 - 3750 (4,214 total)
Jun 29, 2012 10:51 AM Joanne_53 wrote:
mybee glad to hear things went well - keep us posted on your progress ...
Jun 29, 2012 11:37 AM rakulynda wrote:
Mybee - happy to hear you are home and on the mend.
To all of you other ladies who have found someone special - Hooray!
I've put the online dating thing on hold. It IS soooo much work. My 81 year old mother who lives alone 100 miles away from me, fell 2 weeks ago and broke her shoulder and 3 ribs so I've been driving back and forth to be with her and then returning home for treatments. Whew! I'm too exhausted to date. Fortunately she didn't break a hip and the rehab/nursing home is taking good care of her until she can return home. Trying to talk her into moving in with me but she's so stubborn!
Jun 29, 2012 12:00 PM paintedlady wrote:
Mybee Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. It is wonderful that the surgery is now behind you and you can concentrate on healing.
Rak Sorry to hear about your Mom. But how wonderful that you go back and forth like that even with your treatments going on.
Lovemyfamily. I am so happy for you that you enjoyed your date. Maybe you found someone special.
I was taken to a pro baseball game last night. Baseball is tolerable, I guess! I much prefer football. Now if someone took me to a pro football game that would be exciting. I did want to buy a pro football ticket and go myself but the good seats cost $135: A bit too expensive for me lol.
Jul 3, 2012 09:21 AM paintedlady wrote:
Well, I had a few dates with a guy. He seems very generous: takes me to pricey restaurants, took me to a pro baseball game, dancing etc. Yes, the "but" is coming lol
Whenever we are out and there are women around, he seems to stare at some. It makes me feel like I am not really satisfactory. I dont like the feeling and it is disrespectful. I brought it up to him, he didnt seem to say much.
He is taking me out to lunch today and to dinner and a firework display tomorrow. Although I enjoy all the activity, I dont like him looking at women. It makes me feel like he is just settling for me although he is very complimentary.
Dont know what else to do except S***can him.
Jul 3, 2012 09:48 AM Joanne_53 wrote:
painted -- is he staring at the other women or just looking? are you being insecure?if he does it again today at lunch then tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and see what he says .... you have been out on a few dates with this fellow so I would still see what he has to say .... don't shoot him yet.
Jul 3, 2012 10:52 AM paintedlady wrote:
lol Joanne your last sentence made me laugh.
I dont know if it is staring or looking. Lasts about 5 seconds at a time. It really makes me feel bad.
I never did like that behavior. I think it is rude and disrespectful.
I did mention it to him. I dont like it when men do this behavior. Of course, he tried to justify it by saying if you dont look to long than it is okay. The behavior turns my stomach!
When I go into restaurants, I see guys sitting there with very plain women; yet they dont look around.
I am wondering why it happens to me
Jul 3, 2012 12:48 PM Stanzie wrote:
My ex used to do that and I'd say it depends on how long he looks, the expression on his face as in why is he looking.... is it only really pretty women, is it any female at all, are they out of the norm-lloking? I agree I'd tell him again it makes me uncomfortable and ask what exactly is he looking at?
The only reason I'd say to really see how he is looking first cause I know I will also look at people - both male and female especially is they are really gorgeous, have on something I admire or something I think is truely dreadful. One thing he did that really upset me is he would make comments - ugly ones about overweight people. First of all - he is overweight! So ummm.. Anyway, when we first started going out there was this really large woman and he said something and I immediately stopped him and told him she doesn't want to be that way- and I'm sure she is uncomfortable enough without you being so disrespectful and rude. He was very quiet then admitted his ex wife got him into doing that as she thought it was funny. Guess what his ex wife does for a living? She is a Family Therapist!!!! I was stunned.... Anyway, he maybe did it two other times but I made sure I found that offensive and embarassing and disrespectful! He did get it. So perhaps you can turn it around so he can understand not only how you feel but how they may feel if he is looking at they lustfully or something icky!!! Hope not....
Jul 3, 2012 02:56 PM mybee333 wrote:
I would say the family therapist was not the instigator there. Sounds like a lie.
PL - Why is he moving so fast? Three/four dates in two days? Not a good sign. Eyeballing other women (objectifying them) and them minimizing your feelings about it by coming up with a lame excuse. Three bad signs.
My suggestion would be to try to slow this thing down - say 1-2 dates a wk. See how he responds. If he can't handle it or moves on, then you have seen how respectful he will be of your feelings and what his true intentions are. Men who move fast are trying to sweep you off your feet to keep you unsteady. You can't think clearly when you are wobbling.
Jul 3, 2012 03:10 PM Joanne_53 wrote:
mybee how are things going?
Jul 3, 2012 10:05 PM, edited Jul 3, 2012 10:13 PM by AnneMarie_1970
Haven't had a chance to read through all the posts, but I saw the subject of the thread and felt compelled to share.
I found love a matter of days after BMX. The morning of my BMX, as I sat alone on the hospital bed waiting for the nurse to start the pre-surgery meds, I realized that I'd been carrying a special someone in my heart. I vowed in that moment to confide my feelings if I survived surgery. Making good on that promise, I revealed my feelings to my then professor and advisor shortly before Christmas. (I had to wait, of course, to tell him until the fall semester had ended and final grades had been submitted). The attraction was mutual. The next business day he met with his supervisor, discussed the situation, and I was assigned a new advisor. Now we were free to pursue our mutual attraction. About two weeks later he made his first visit (he lived out of state), with the foreknowledge that I'd chosen not to reconstruct and was, three to four weeks post mastectomy, in the earliest stages of healing.
Our time together was a beautiful exchange of hearts and minds touching and sharing space. He went home, we communicated daily, and two weeks later I had my first appointment with my oncologist, who notified me that my BMX pathology was stage II IDC, not stage 0 DCIS, and that I would need to do chemo. Whew! Starting a relationship just after a BMX is one thing, but trying to solidify and carry out a relationship from a distance while going through chemo? Yet that's exactly what we did. While undergoing my TCH treatments, we saw one another twice a month. Eventually the juggle of local responsibilities (family, work, kids) and a long-distance romance became too great. We separated at the end of the year. But it was a great run. And love in a "time of chemotherapy" is a wonderful distraction and motivator. We have remained friends ever since and other loves have arrived and departed. I prefer to inform any man who professes a keen romantic interest, in advance of any intimate approach, that I am a survivor who has had a bilateral mastectomy w/o reconstruction. Thus far not a single one is daunted by it.
We are all lovable and desirable--cancer or no cancer, port or no port, breasts or no breasts. There is love. There is love. I say go for it. Enjoy it. Love and then, as Maude says (in the film Harold & Maude), love some more. :)
Jul 4, 2012 12:25 AM Stanzie wrote:
Anne Marie - that is lovely- thank you so much for sharing... I'm sorry it didn't work out but great you were able to remain friends... You sound like you are in a good place emotionally and have a wonderful attitude.
Jul 4, 2012 12:57 AM mybee333 wrote:
What a warm and uplifting story and attitude. A breath of fresh air to our little thread.
Well, how am I doing? Of all my surgeries - 5 BC related - this has been the most painful. I called the office today and was told that the fact that I couldn't sit down and was having so much swelling in the 'genital area' meant my compression garment was way too tight. Who knew? The nurse told me to take it off immediately as it was restricting blood flow. Acted like this was somehow my fault. I had talked to another nurse on Friday, told her my troubles, she had said wear the garment 24/7 for one full week. I can breathe a little now. The boobs are a little full on top. Like I have an extreme push up bra on except I don't. I feel like Barbie. Hoping some of this is swelling and they drop a little. Very full on top actually. The lipo was a killer. Hoping I never need to do this again. I am trying to focus on resting but the nurse said they want me to be up and around to avoid blood clots. Doing what? I do housework, laundry, bake cookies, make meals, water flowers. I hope this is enough moving around. I am in A LOT of pain. I had to cajole them to give me more pain pills today. I don't think I would post this on a reconstruction thread; I wouldn't want to scare people. I am in a surgical bra - also 24/7 - that looks like something out of Barbarella. I haven't shared this with any of my remaining friends. I think it is a little out of their realm of experience. I go on FB sometimes and get into trouble; I can have some strong political opinions and you all know how blunt I can be. Should probably just read more. LOL My Mom stopped by a few days ago and brought flowers and groceries. That was cool. I showed her my getup. She was fascinated and showed the right amount of interest. She's taking me to the dr. on Thurs. for follow-up. They say I can drive in a couple of days. I don't think so - way too achy. I think i'll wait until next week to resume something resembling normal life. Anyway - that's life here.
Hope you all are well or well enough. Keep sharing stories - good and bad - trouble and foibles and despair - I like that we are here for each other.
Jul 4, 2012 09:17 AM, edited Jul 4, 2012 09:22 AM by paintedlady
Happy Fourth of July to all of you
Mybee So sorry to hear about the pain of this surgery. I had no idea these kinds of surgery were so complicated. Geez, that scares me. Anyway, I hope the pain you are experiencing quickly leaves.
Welcome Anne Marie and thanks for your post.
Well, he gave me roses yesterday and took me to a very nice restaurant in Tarpon Springs (where the other guy took me lol). Anyway, I tried to watch him closely. He seemed to stare at women as they were seated at the table. It looked like he stared at one too long and she looked back at him and gave him a nasty look. So he stopped starring until some other women sat down. He seems to stare at young to middle age women that are somewhat attractive.
I dont think I should have to discuss this with him. My thoughts are that if he was satisfied with me, he would not do this. I think it is rude and disrespectful.
Guess, I liked being taken out to nice places and dancing with someone.
When I break it off, it is going to be back to boredom and no male companionship.
Honestly, I could never love any one that behaves like this.
Jul 4, 2012 10:09 AM Stanzie wrote:
Oh Maybee---- I'm so sorry! Yes you sound in a lot of pain! I've heard lipo is very painful. Do you use ice too? How long has it been? I hope you love the results at least! I had hoped to have some revision done as I'm very unhappy with my reconstruction but need to go out of state as no one does it here except the Doc who messed it up in the first place. Now can't find a place that takes my insurance.. it is always something.
Painted.... Wow, how odd to stare long enough to get a nasty look back.. I can't imagine. If you talk to him while he is staring does he continue to stare or does that break the habit? I'm so sorry. Other than that and the nice restaurants and roses- how much do you actually like him?
Jul 4, 2012 01:13 PM mybee333 wrote:
PL - So sorry to hear he has this nasty habit. I know what you mean about the breaking it off and then it's back to.....? Tony and I used to have a lot of fun just going places, making plans, seeing people, tryng new restaurants, etc. I know we are supposed to make our own fun but it's difficult with limited finances and no one to really do anything with. It's just not the same. But....no sense wasting time with someone you could never love. Uses up time you could be using to find someone decent. He sounds kind of pervy, in a way. Most men would at least control it for the first few months, I think. Or he is incredibly passive aggressive, which is worse.
Took off the Barbarella bra today. Feels great.
Jul 4, 2012 02:34 PM AnneMarie_1970 wrote:
Mybee, I agree with your advice to PL: "No sense wasting time with someone you could never love. Uses up time you could be using to find someone decent." I'm also sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. Is it due to recent revision surgery? Either way, may your recovery be swift. Imagining that Barbarella bra, I bet you feel a whole lot better with it off! Hopefully you can breathe a little bit easier without it.
Take care, everyone, and happy Fourth of July!
Jul 4, 2012 11:04 PM mybee333 wrote:
Happy 4th ladies!! Just took a walk around the block and watched all the neighborhood displays. I have always liked the 4th. It's a pretty holiday. :)
All compression garments off today. Feeling loads better. I see the doc tomorrow. I am pretty happy with the results so far (surgery was 6/27 btw) So.....not so bad. A week of pain for some contouring and nicer boobs. Doable.
Toodles. Hope your holidays were fun and relaxing. :)
Jul 4, 2012 11:37 PM Joanne_53 wrote:
Molly - glad things seem to be going well with your recovery -- keep us posted as to your doctors appointment tomorrow -- Happy 4th to my neighbors to the south -- our big day was on Sunday -- July 1 -- Canada Day. I saw a few minutes of the NYC fireworks show -- spectacular.
Jul 5, 2012 01:34 AM paintedlady wrote:
Just got home from the date. Had a great time. Had all intentions of telling him how rude and disrespectful the behavior is. When I met him to go out on the date, I told him that I have someething serious to discuss with him, but I did not want to do it right at the moment. Well, when were got to St. Petersburg, there were loads of women around, and he didnt do it. Then I said to myself, I will just wait because he will probably do it in the restaurnant. After the fireworks, he took me to a nice restaurant, and he didn't do it there either. I am thinking he probably figured out what the serious talk iis going to be about.
Do you think I should still have the talk with him or see if he continues to behave appropriately?
Jul 5, 2012 01:40 AM, edited Jul 5, 2012 01:41 AM by mybee333
The only way to guard your heart is to avoid intimate contact. Once a woman makes love to a man, all kinds of biological processes involving taste, touch, smell, oxytocin and bonding come into play and then the road becomes much mre difficult. Keep a physical distance and watch. Altho' truthfully, and I hate to say this, I think you have seen the man.........this is a huge red flag. We/I love to ignore these red flags to get the good stuff (and men know this about us)........this is what makes dating so hard. xooox
Jul 5, 2012 04:00 AM Joanne_53 wrote:
mybee said it -- huge red flag !!! if you are enjoying his company (better then being alone) and his taking you out to nice places .. then keep a physical distance. Be on guard but not enough that you seem stiff and totally uninterested. The one REALLY bad relationship I had ... I talked myself into ignoring my gutt !!!! Pay attention to whay your gutt has to say.
Jul 5, 2012 12:27 PM mybee333 wrote:
Hmmmmm.......I don't think men eyeball women to the point of rudeness out of nervousness. Something is up here.....
Jul 7, 2012 10:13 AM paintedlady wrote:
Thank you all so much for taking the time to give me your feedback.
As I mentioned, I have not seen him do that since that time. I watched him carefully when he took me to some other restaurants, and so far he didnt do it. Even though it stopped, last night, I couldnt resist telling him how that behavor makes me feel. He apologized and said some other women in the past have said that to him. I told him in no uncertain terms that this behavior is not acceptable to me. So we shall see.
I have spoken with a couple of guys on the phone, but there was no mutual interest.
One guy told me he had cancer and was in remission for 5 years; so I thought he would be very understanding of my dealing with cancer. When I told him about me, he quickly lost interest. I cant believe it! It is ok for him to deal with it; but not for the female!
How absolutely shallow and unfeeling. I have no time for these shallow creeps.
I also notice that many of these men on these dating sites classify themselves as good looking to very goodlooking. They must be looking at someone else other than themselves in the mirror because most of them look quite ugly to me.
Plan to go dancing tonight; so I will have to take a long nap.
You all have a great day
Jul 7, 2012 04:24 PM Stanzie wrote:
PL- I so agree! How is it that they think they look so wonderful! Those are the same ones who will write if you are overweight do not contact - of course he is fat and bald, with weird chin hairs! LOL! Then he says he wants someone much younger and by the way don't have a job! Oh my!!!
Well, I'm glad you told him where you stand on that - especially as he admits others have told him the same thing... Not good.
Still no nerve to sign up for myself... of course things have been a bit exciting here with me getting stung by a wasp and my entire hand and arm swelling like the incrediable hulk and then my daughter cutting her hand washing dishes and as I'm bandaging it she faints dead away- luckily I was able to catch her and gently lie her down... No wonder I haven't gone any further.... Whew! time to get more meds for my scary arm...
Jul 7, 2012 05:44 PM paintedlady wrote:
Stanzie Sorry to hear about your hand and arm. Geez that sounds painful. Did you go to the doctor?
I got a message today from a fairly goodlooking 69 year old. On his profile, it states that he is "separated" I ask him if he was in the process of a divorce. His reply was that he has a "female roomate and they arent compatiable" and he is in the process of separating. My only thought after I read this was "pig" The women is still with him and he is online trying to get a quick replacement.
What the heck is wrong with these men? Were they always like this and I didnt realise it?
I wish I didn't like men so much lol.
Most are disappointing!