Topic: Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

Jun 29, 2012 10:51 AM Joanne_53 wrote:

mybee glad to hear things went well - keep us posted on your progress ...

Jun 29, 2012 12:00 PM paintedlady wrote:

Mybee   Thanks for letting us know how you are doing. It is wonderful that the surgery is now behind you and you can concentrate on healing.

Rak  Sorry to hear about your Mom. But how wonderful that you go back and forth like that even with your treatments going on.

Lovemyfamily. I am so happy for you that you enjoyed your date.  Maybe you found someone special.

I was taken to a pro baseball game last night. Baseball is tolerable, I guess! I much prefer football. Now if someone took me to a pro football game that would be exciting. I did want to buy a pro football ticket and go myself but the good seats cost $135: A bit too expensive for me lol.

Jul 3, 2012 09:21 AM paintedlady wrote:

Hi Ladies

Well, I  had a few dates with a guy.  He seems very generous: takes me to pricey restaurants, took me to a pro baseball game, dancing etc. Yes, the "but" is coming lol

Whenever we are out and there are women around, he seems to stare at some. It makes me feel like I am not really satisfactory. I dont like the feeling and it is disrespectful. I brought it up to him, he didnt seem to say much.

He is taking me out to lunch today and to dinner and a firework display tomorrow. Although I enjoy all the activity, I dont like him looking at women. It makes me feel like he is just settling for me although he is very complimentary.

Dont know what else to do except S***can him.

Jul 3, 2012 10:52 AM paintedlady wrote:

lol  Joanne  your last sentence made me laugh.

I dont know if it is staring or looking. Lasts about 5 seconds at a time.  It really makes me feel bad.

I never did like that behavior.  I think it is rude and disrespectful.

I did mention it to him. I dont like it when men do this behavior.  Of course, he tried to justify it by saying if you dont look to long than it is okay.  The behavior turns my stomach!

When I go into restaurants, I see guys sitting there with very plain women; yet they dont look around.

I am wondering why it happens to me

Jul 3, 2012 02:56 PM mybee333 wrote:

I would say the family therapist was not the instigator there.  Sounds like a lie.

PL - Why is he moving so fast?  Three/four dates in two days? Not a good sign.  Eyeballing other women (objectifying them) and them minimizing your feelings about it by coming up with a lame excuse.  Three bad signs. 

My suggestion would be to try to slow this thing down - say 1-2 dates a wk.  See how he responds.  If he can't handle it or moves on, then you have seen how respectful he will be of your feelings and what his true intentions are.  Men who move fast are trying to sweep you off your feet to keep you unsteady.  You can't think clearly when you are wobbling.

Jul 3, 2012 10:05 PM, edited Jul 3, 2012 10:13 PM by AnneMarie_1970

Haven't had a chance to read through all the posts, but I saw the subject of the thread and felt compelled to share.

I found love a matter of days after BMX. The morning of my BMX, as I sat alone on the hospital bed waiting for the nurse to start the pre-surgery meds, I realized that I'd been carrying a special someone in my heart. I vowed in that moment to confide my feelings if I survived surgery. Making good on that promise, I revealed my feelings to my then professor and advisor shortly before Christmas. (I had to wait, of course, to tell him until the fall semester had ended and final grades had been submitted). The attraction was mutual. The next business day he met with his supervisor, discussed the situation, and I was assigned a new advisor. Now we were free to pursue our mutual attraction. About two weeks later he made his first visit (he lived out of state), with the foreknowledge that I'd chosen not to reconstruct and was, three to four weeks post mastectomy, in the earliest stages of healing.

Our time together was a beautiful exchange of hearts and minds touching and sharing space. He went home, we communicated daily, and two weeks later I had my first appointment with my oncologist, who notified me that my BMX pathology was stage II IDC, not stage 0 DCIS, and that I would need to do chemo. Whew! Starting a relationship just after a BMX is one thing, but trying to solidify and carry out a relationship from a distance while going through chemo? Yet that's exactly what we did. While undergoing my TCH treatments, we saw one another twice a month. Eventually the juggle of local responsibilities (family, work, kids) and a long-distance romance became too great. We separated at the end of the year.  But it was a great run. And love in a "time of chemotherapy" is a wonderful distraction and motivator. We have remained friends ever since and other loves have arrived and departed. I prefer to inform any man who professes a keen romantic interest, in advance of any intimate approach, that I am a survivor who has had a bilateral mastectomy w/o reconstruction. Thus far not a single one is daunted by it. 

We are all lovable and desirable--cancer or no cancer, port or no port, breasts or no breasts. There is love. There is love. I say go for it. Enjoy it. Love and then, as Maude says (in the film Harold & Maude), love some more. :)

Jul 4, 2012 12:57 AM mybee333 wrote:

What a warm and uplifting story and attitude. A breath of fresh air to our little thread.

Well, how am I doing? Of all my surgeries - 5 BC related - this has been the most painful.  I called the office today and was told that the fact that I couldn't sit down and was having so much swelling in the 'genital area' meant my compression garment was way too tight.  Who knew?  The nurse told me to take it off immediately as it was restricting blood flow. Acted like this was somehow my fault.  I had talked to another nurse on Friday, told her my troubles, she had said wear the garment 24/7 for one full week.  I can breathe a little now.  The boobs are a little full on top.  Like I have an extreme push up bra on except I don't.  I feel like Barbie.  Hoping some of this is swelling and they drop a little. Very full on top actually.  The lipo was a killer.  Hoping I never need to do this again. I am trying to focus on resting but the nurse said they want me to be up and around to avoid blood clots. Doing what?  I do housework, laundry, bake cookies, make meals, water flowers.  I hope this is enough moving around. I am in A LOT of pain. I had to cajole them to give me more pain pills today. I don't think I would post this on a reconstruction thread; I wouldn't want to scare people. I am in a surgical bra - also 24/7 - that looks like something out of Barbarella.  I haven't shared this with any of my remaining friends.  I think it is a little out of their realm of experience. I go on FB sometimes and get into trouble; I can have some strong political opinions and you all know how blunt I can be.  Should probably just read more.  LOL My Mom stopped by a few days ago and brought flowers and groceries.  That was cool.  I showed her my getup.  She was fascinated and showed the right amount of interest.  She's taking me to the dr. on Thurs. for follow-up.  They say I can drive in a couple of days.  I don't think so - way too achy.  I think i'll wait until next week to resume something resembling normal life.  Anyway - that's life here.

Hope you all are well or well enough.  Keep sharing stories - good and bad - trouble and foibles and despair - I like that we are here for each other.

Peace.

Jul 4, 2012 10:09 AM Stanzie wrote:

Oh Maybee---- I'm so sorry! Yes you sound in a lot of pain! I've heard lipo is very painful. Do you use ice too? How long has it been? I hope you love the results at least! I had hoped to have some revision done as I'm very unhappy with my reconstruction but need to go out of state as no one does it here except the Doc who messed it up in the first place. Now can't find a place that takes my insurance.. it is always something.

Painted.... Wow, how odd to stare long enough to get a nasty look back.. I can't imagine. If you talk to him while he is staring does he continue to stare or does that break the habit? I'm so sorry. Other than that and the nice restaurants and roses- how much do you actually like him? 

Jul 4, 2012 02:34 PM AnneMarie_1970 wrote:

Mybee, I agree with your advice to PL: "No sense wasting time with someone you could never love.  Uses up time you could be using to find someone decent."  I'm also sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. Is it due to recent revision surgery? Either way, may your recovery be swift. Imagining that Barbarella bra, I bet you feel a whole lot better with it off! Hopefully you can breathe a little bit easier without it. 

Take care, everyone, and happy Fourth of July!  

Jul 4, 2012 11:30 PM AnneMarie_1970 wrote:

Glad to hear that you're feeling better, mybee!

Jul 5, 2012 01:34 AM paintedlady wrote:

Just got home from the date. Had a great time. Had all intentions of telling him how rude and disrespectful the behavior is. When I met him to go out on the date, I told him that I have someething serious to discuss with him, but I did not want to do it right at the moment. Well, when were got to St. Petersburg, there were loads of women around, and he  didnt do it. Then I said to myself, I will just wait because he will probably do it in the restaurnant. After the fireworks, he took me to a nice restaurant, and he didn't do it there either.  I am thinking he probably figured out what the serious talk iis going to be about.

Do you think I should still have the talk with him or see if he continues to behave appropriately?

Jul 5, 2012 04:00 AM Joanne_53 wrote:

mybee said it -- huge red flag !!! if you are enjoying his company (better then being alone) and his taking you out to nice places .. then keep a physical distance. Be on guard but not enough that you seem stiff and totally uninterested.  The one REALLY  bad relationship I had ... I talked myself into ignoring my gutt !!!! Pay attention to whay your gutt has to say.

Jul 5, 2012 12:27 PM mybee333 wrote:

Hmmmmm.......I don't think men eyeball women to the point of rudeness out of nervousness.  Something is up here.....

Jul 7, 2012 10:54 AM lovemyfamilysomuch wrote:

LOL Painted lady I like your spirit!! xo

Jul 7, 2012 05:44 PM paintedlady wrote:

Stanzie  Sorry to hear about your hand and arm. Geez that sounds painful. Did you go to the doctor?

I got a message today from a fairly goodlooking 69 year old. On his profile, it states that he is "separated"  I ask him if he was in the process of a divorce. His reply was that he has a "female roomate and they arent compatiable" and he is in the process of separating.  My only thought after I read this was "pig"  The women is still with him and he is online trying to get a quick replacement.

What the heck is wrong with these men? Were they always like this and I didnt realise it?

I wish I didn't like men so much lol.

Most are disappointing!