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All TopicsForum: Singles with breast cancer → Topic: Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

Topic: Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

Forum: Singles with breast cancer — Singles with breast cancer who want to connect.

Posted on: Nov 4, 2010 09:40PM, edited Dec 30, 2011 05:50PM by Fearless_One

Fearless_One wrote:

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Posts 4141 - 4170 (4,254 total)

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Nov 28, 2012 12:50AM mybee333 wrote:

I am hesitant to date too and I don't know why.  It is very unlike me up to this point. I too have very mixed feelings about my body and reconstruction.  I am thinking I may get a nipple done soon.  I think that may help how I feel.  I think my big thing is that I don't want to lose my life anymore, or ever again.  And really,  I don't have the time and men can want alot of time.  Seems almost like another expectation or pull at me. I think I am scared too.  If a friend of a friend came along, as you said, I think I would like that.  But to sort through strangers again is very scary to me.  I don't trust that whole online thing anymore. I have aches and pains too.  It's hard to think what I might add to anybody's life right now.  I am filled with responsibility and in general, most days, depression.  (Sorry for the heavy post).

I am sorry you are still in pain Stanzie.  What hurts you? 

Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain. ~ UMX w/ silicone implant reconstruction. Multifocal -IDC, DCIS, Pagets.

Dx 4/6/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Nov 30, 2012 07:46PM Denise2730 wrote:

I feel very much the same way. What do I have to offer anyone? Between the fibromyalgia, the Barbie boobs and now this plantar fasciitis which doesn't want to mend, I'm in pain and grouchy a lot. If Tony wasn't in my life right now I so would not bother dating.

DMX 8/11/11 - TE's put in. Exchange date was December 16th. Hate them and had them redone by a different PS in June, 2012. They look so much better. Still waiting for nips & areolas.

Dx 4/29/2011, ILC, 1cm, Stage IIa, Grade 2, 1/7 nodes, ER+, HER2-
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Dec 1, 2012 12:29AM mybee333 wrote:

Funny how so many of us have fibromyalgia.  I have pain too from arthritis and the mastectomy.  It is hard to picture being newly intimate with someone with so many issues that impact sexual functioning. 

Denise I think of you as such a warm and caring person.  You've there for us here and you always bring a bit of grounded hope and optimism; I have very much admired your faith.   I think as time goes on, a 1-2 yrs or so, the reality of how deeply this has impacted us takes hold.  But I do think you will get to a more optimistic place in time.  I hope that for me too.  It helps if I work on accepting the change.  I will never be the old me again.  But that doesn't mean my life is over.  I'm hoping for a new 'season' as I go through some more years, if I am blessed enough to have them.  If not, I have had a full life, I do believe.

That said, dating can be a hassle. I have a strong sense that there are other things that I am supposed to be doing right now. I really do.  When I pray, this seems to be the answer I get.

Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain. ~ UMX w/ silicone implant reconstruction. Multifocal -IDC, DCIS, Pagets.

Dx 4/6/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 1, 2012 03:01PM Linda-Ranching-in-the-mTns wrote:

Howdy all ... 

It is true that I did not meet my honey after diagnosis, but we were only dating when I was diagnosed, not a serious couple yet. We were warming up, but going very very slowly until BC gave him the opportunity to step WAY up to the plate and show me what kind of a man he really is.

He immediately invited me to come out here to the mountains of NM to share this journey with him. He has been an angel and so so SO much help.

I am 57 years old and have had terrible luck with men my entire life... until now. At first I couldn't believe that life would deal me the cancer card when I finally was hooking up with someone good. Now I see that the cancer was/is actually an opportunity to be very real and very human together. 

The reason I am posting is to tell you all that you are SPECIAL. You have so much to give -- even if you sometimes feel grouchy or sad or depressed. You offer a man something a helathy woman can't -- a huge opportunity to experience life at a very intense level -- and an opportunity for them to help and be a support to someone wonderful (you!) during a time of great change and growth. 

I say this because I was caretaker for my (beloved) father for over a year during his espophogeal cancer (chemo/rad and a million doc appts) then a month in Hospice after a seizure exposed a new (primary) stage 4 brain tumor. I thought it would be a tragic time of loss, and sometimes it did feel that way... but for the most part, I was SO honored to share his last living and his leaving of this world... and I experienced epiphany after epiphany during that time and since. I learned what truly loving someone meant. I grew in Spirit and perspective. I matured. I learned to love life in a new way.

Sharing Dad's cancer and death experience made me grow into a much more accepting and peaceful person. He gave me so much more than he ever knew, by allowing me to be there for him.

And there are men out there with that sort of maturity and depth, who will see the you inside and not the cancer. The right man will see the treasure in you (insight, strength, determination, etc) and not the occasional lack (of energy, of patience, even of breasts). We are so much more than our breasts.

I was on E-Harmony for 5 years (pre my dx). I met some wonderful men and each one had life lessons to teach me. During that time I also returned to college, took Landmark Education courses (extremely mind-expanding) -- and then Dad's illness and death -- then helping my 83-yr-old Mom (BC survivor) adapt to her new widowhood after 61 years of marriage to the best man I had ever known.

Anyway -- I can't reccommend E-Harmony highly enough -- even if all you want to do is communicate via email with good men. You never have to meet in person if you feel you aren't ready-- so what do you have to lose by trying?

Sure, there might be some losers there, but mostly they, (like we) are just lonely -- and looking for someone special to talk to and spend time with. Your cancer certainly doesn't make you any less-special -- in fact, it makes you more so. You are no longer full of BS. You are past the vanity of triviality. You are alive and fully in THIS moment, because we have cancer, and we can't put things off for later -- we need to live our lives NOW. 

You may be just the damsel in distress that Prince Charming is dying to rescue. You may be just the mature and thoughtful human he wants for a partner. Your cancer doesn't make you have less to offer -- you now just offer different things.

BTW -- my 60-year-old sister married her E-Harmony connection 3 years ago. 

And whether Les and I marry or not -- I am so very thankful to have him during this BC journey... for however long he chooses to hang in here with me. And -- if he decides to leave, I will forever thank God for the time that we had.

Don't let your fears hold you back.

This is your life -- GO FOR IT. E-Harmony at $40 a month was the best money I ever spent.

Good luck all!

Linda

Dx IDC 5/30/12. LumpX 8/24/12 (1 of 2 nodes + for BC) DCIS/tumors in margins. BMX + DIEP recon 11-6-2012. (11 more nodes x’d/none +). Began Letrozole 12-3-2012 (NO SE's so far!). Cording/pain/limited ROM in node-removed arm- but PT helping a lot!

Dx 5/30/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage II, Grade 1, 1/13 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 08/24/2012 Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Left)Surgery 11/06/2012 Mastectomy (Both); Lymph Node Removal: Axillary Lymph Node Dissection (Left); Prophylactic Mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction: DIEP flap (Both)Hormonal Therapy 12/03/2012 Femara
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Dec 2, 2012 04:18PM negirly wrote:

linda - well said...

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Dec 5, 2012 05:09PM thefuzzylemon wrote:

Hello...I'm posting for SAS...her computer got a virus so...everything is fine except her computer is down...

The Fuzzy Lemon (including all her personalities)

Dx 1/20/2011, 2cm, Stage IIIc, Grade 3, 14/15 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Dec 8, 2012 04:35AM Denise2730 wrote:

Went to an endocronologist last week because my GP said I had a hypoactive thyroid. Turns out I have a large mass (4 cm) on my thyroid. Having a biopsy on it next Friday. Freaking out a little bit. I have also had severe pain in my right hip for the last 4 days. Once you have had cancer, it's not hard to imagine every little problem or pain is the cancer returning.

Tony is out of town till Dec. 16th and the only one I have told so far is my sister. I don't want to scare my boys, especially now, right before the holidays.

I tried to sleep but I couldn't so I thought I would come on here and try to work through this.

DMX 8/11/11 - TE's put in. Exchange date was December 16th. Hate them and had them redone by a different PS in June, 2012. They look so much better. Still waiting for nips & areolas.

Dx 4/29/2011, ILC, 1cm, Stage IIa, Grade 2, 1/7 nodes, ER+, HER2-
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Dec 8, 2012 08:19AM Joanne_53 wrote:

Denise, I am sure things are fine. I know a couple of people that had to have it removed but it was not cancer. They have to take thyroid meds after though. You will be in my thoughts ... Please keep us posted. I know it is hard to to think the worst ...

Joanne - Onco DX score 12

Dx 12/8/2011, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIa, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 01/11/2012 Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Right)Hormonal Therapy 04/09/2012 TamoxifenRadiation Therapy 04/10/2012 External
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Dec 8, 2012 08:59AM paintedlady wrote:

Hi Denise and Joanne

Read your post Denise.  Sorry you are going through all this stress. I know it is easy to tell you not to worry, but it is much harder to do.

I agree with Joanne. I also have know some people that had their thyroid glands removed and they simply take a pill everyday.

As far as the hip, a couple of years ago I had severe pain on one of my hips and sometimes I still do get alot of pain. Well, I freaked out too. Thought the cancer may have gotten into my bones. A PET scan was done and it turned out to be arthritis.

I just prayed for you. Let us put this in God's hands.  You are His precious daughter and you are safe in Him!

Dx 9/15/2010, IDC, 2cm, Stage II, 0/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 9, 2012 10:50AM mybee333 wrote:

As far as pain, I have had an increase in pain and certainly arthritis, since diagnosis.  I don't know what is going on with that, but it is a problem and doesn't really run in my family, at least not at this age. 

As far as the mass, I would be scared too.  Not because it is right but because it is human nature.  It is okay to be scared.  Take deep breaths and be good to yourself.  Give yourself daily treats of time and attention - tea and sympathy :) - and you will get through this time of waiting. (Most things are not cancer related, you know), but I would be the same.  Please let us know how you are doing.  Love.

Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain. ~ UMX w/ silicone implant reconstruction. Multifocal -IDC, DCIS, Pagets.

Dx 4/6/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 12, 2012 09:44PM mybee333 wrote:

Coincidentally, my best friend at work has a large mass on her thyroid.  No history of cancer by the way.  She needs to schedule a biopsy. Her doctor was surprised she didn't notice it herself it is so large.

Good news is that the Doctor feels that this could account for her weight gain, joint aches and pains, esp. in her feet, chronic depresssion and sleep issues and temperature in the room problems (too hot, too cold).  Hoping this resolves easily for her and for you Denise.  Thinking of you. Hoping for a very good outcome :)

I used to take Synthroid.  I believe if your thyroid is removed that is the drug prescribed.  It resolved lots of problems for me and I felt so much better (this was after my 3rd was born).  No it's not natural but I was so glad we finally identified what my problem was (underactive thyroid/hashimoto's disease causing the thyroid gland to enlarge) and then were able to treat it. 

You know I was reading about the benefits of a daily asprin which they relate not only to blood thinning but more to it's impact upon autoimmune responses.  In thinking about it, my fibromyalgia, arthritis, the cancer, are all the body turning against itself.  I think Hashimoto's falls into that category too.  Interesting. I do take a daily asprin now btw.

Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain. ~ UMX w/ silicone implant reconstruction. Multifocal -IDC, DCIS, Pagets.

Dx 4/6/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 18, 2012 11:03PM mybee333 wrote:

Hello out there..................how's it going???

Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain. ~ UMX w/ silicone implant reconstruction. Multifocal -IDC, DCIS, Pagets.

Dx 4/6/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 21, 2012 06:39PM Denise2730 wrote:

Got my biopsy results today and they were "inconclusive" but since the mass is so large (4.2 ml), I will have surgery to remove it. Probably next month. Maybe I should tell the surgeon to remove my appendix, tonsils and adenoids while he is at it. Laughing

Hope everyone is doing well and I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwaanza or whatever holiday you celebrate.

DMX 8/11/11 - TE's put in. Exchange date was December 16th. Hate them and had them redone by a different PS in June, 2012. They look so much better. Still waiting for nips & areolas.

Dx 4/29/2011, ILC, 1cm, Stage IIa, Grade 2, 1/7 nodes, ER+, HER2-
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Dec 21, 2012 06:59PM Joanne_53 wrote:

Have a great Christmas Denise .... Keep us posted about your surgery date .... We are with you in your pocket.

Joanne - Onco DX score 12

Dx 12/8/2011, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIa, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 01/11/2012 Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Right)Hormonal Therapy 04/09/2012 TamoxifenRadiation Therapy 04/10/2012 External
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Dec 23, 2012 08:40AM mybee333 wrote:

Denise - I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers.  Just heard of another friend yesterday with a mysterious growth on her ovaries.  Surgery upcoming and in her 30's.  I think there must be something with our environment.

Well...........still single, not dating, trying to be as independent as possible.  A bit of a lonely life but there is a season for everything.

I do believe it will be an enjoyable Christmas however. Wishing a wonderful holiday season to all here. Peace be to all.

Molly

Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain. ~ UMX w/ silicone implant reconstruction. Multifocal -IDC, DCIS, Pagets.

Dx 4/6/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 23, 2012 09:10AM Joanne_53 wrote:

Molly so nice to hear from you. Everyone have a good Christmas. Where is painted lady?

Joanne - Onco DX score 12

Dx 12/8/2011, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIa, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 01/11/2012 Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Right)Hormonal Therapy 04/09/2012 TamoxifenRadiation Therapy 04/10/2012 External
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Dec 24, 2012 12:57PM paintedlady wrote:

Thanks for wondering where I am Joanne.

Been reading the posts; just haven't had much energy lately (I have Fibromylagia)

All of you have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year.

Dx 9/15/2010, IDC, 2cm, Stage II, 0/1 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 24, 2012 01:11PM Joanne_53 wrote:

Glad to hear from you ... We are playing low key. Take care, merry Christmas and happy holidays.

Joanne - Onco DX score 12

Dx 12/8/2011, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIa, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 01/11/2012 Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Right)Hormonal Therapy 04/09/2012 TamoxifenRadiation Therapy 04/10/2012 External
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Dec 25, 2012 01:29AM mybee333 wrote:

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all my sisters here on this looking for love thread.  May God bless you in the upcoming year.  I think we could all use, and all deserve, some good times in the year to come.  Enjoy your days and know that I am thinking of you frequently - good thoughts, and prayers for all the best!!

Molly

Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain. ~ UMX w/ silicone implant reconstruction. Multifocal -IDC, DCIS, Pagets.

Dx 4/6/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 27, 2012 01:50PM lisamarie68 wrote:

Hi Ladies , my name is Lisa . I had a BMX in April with TE's , then in July I had exchange surgery . I hate my implants to the point I am thinking of having them removed . I see PS on Jan 9th . I am a mom of 4 and a grandmother too. I will be 45 on the 29th . I also have a second grandchild on the way in July . My oldest daughter thinks if I have them removed I will spiral into even a deeper depression. (i think she may be correct ) I quit smoking for 3 months after my DX and surgery but now I struggle every day to stop again . I am on the patch today and loosing it . I did find a cancer support group they have creative writing class and a group, but everyone is older than me and married so I feel like they do not understand what it is like to be alone . I am on E Harmony and hate it , it sends me matches way too far then when I changed the sistance closer I dont get any matches ... I am also on Match.com .. I feel meeting strangers online sucks excuse my language .the last one I met only wanted a friend with benefits , then he decided he did not want me at all .. broke my heart . I am feeling really bad about me . I look in the mirror and cry .. I cry a lot . I should just be thankful I am alive ... anyway I am sorry I came here to vent . I thought maybe some of you would know how I feel . I also have a thyroid condition Hashimotos , I am cold all time , depressed, tired , and on synthroid .. Hope everyone has a nice Happy New Year :)

lisamarie

Dx 1/18/2012, LCIS, Stage I, 0/13 nodesSurgery 04/24/2012 Mastectomy (Both); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Both)Surgery 04/24/2012 Reconstruction: Tissue expander placement (Both)Surgery 07/12/2012 Reconstruction: Breast implants (permanent) (Both)Surgery 02/12/2013 Reconstruction: Breast implants (permanent) (Both)
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Dec 27, 2012 04:46PM Joanne_53 wrote:

Lisamarie, you have been through so much you need to heel you first. I stopped the on line stuff when I was Dx because I need ME time ,,, need to get my life together ...
Without knowing you, how are you going to attract anyone when you are depressed and seemingly unhappy. I understand. Maybe you need to talk to the doctor about some kind of help .. Antidepressant of sorts. I hope I haven't over stepped it here. I too take synthroid. All the best ..
Joanne

Joanne - Onco DX score 12

Dx 12/8/2011, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIa, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 01/11/2012 Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Right)Hormonal Therapy 04/09/2012 TamoxifenRadiation Therapy 04/10/2012 External
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Dec 27, 2012 05:02PM mybee333 wrote:

It's amazing to me how many of us have these co-occurring auto-immune issues.  Lisa Marie, you are doing great, you just don't know it.  You have made it through the toughest part.  My recommendation on the implants: get them re-done if you don't like them.  I have beautiful cleavage now, that I don't show much but that I am still glad I have.  When I put on a bra I feel normal and can suspend reality for a while and that is a blessing.  I had to have my reconstruction redone to get to the point I am in my appearance.  (Playing with the idea of a fake nipple, we'll see).  I would concur with JoAnne.  When we are weak and weepy we only attract the bad apples that want to take, not give.  I hope your family is supportive. If so, that would be a plus.  I think we all felt some of what you are feeling but you have your own unique path, just as you have your own unique gifts.  Yes - this journey is VERY different without a spouse or partner to walk with you.  BTW - Match did not work for me.  I could easily see through so many of the fake or predatory profiles.  I hope you can get your thyroid stable, your moods relatively stable (are they ever really stable in mid-life and with all of this going on) and take care of yourself the way you would take care of your own child.  Peace and love, Molly.

P.S.  For the rest of you - joined Christian Mingle yesterday.  We'll see how this site goes............  :) Feeling stronger these days so we shall see.  Doing far better than a year ago that is for sure. 

Don't wait for the storm to pass, learn to dance in the rain. ~ UMX w/ silicone implant reconstruction. Multifocal -IDC, DCIS, Pagets.

Dx 4/6/2011, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/1 nodes, ER+/PR-, HER2-
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Dec 27, 2012 05:29PM lisamarie68 wrote:

Thanks ladies , I did go on medicine anti-depressants . two different ones in fact, I felt even worse so I decided not to take them at all. I have so many auto immune things , I hate it . I was diagnosed with Hashimotos at age 40..then Rheumatoid , them raynards .. i think its crazy .. I am glad to have come here .. thanks for all the thoughts .

Lisa Marie

lisamarie

Dx 1/18/2012, LCIS, Stage I, 0/13 nodesSurgery 04/24/2012 Mastectomy (Both); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Both)Surgery 04/24/2012 Reconstruction: Tissue expander placement (Both)Surgery 07/12/2012 Reconstruction: Breast implants (permanent) (Both)Surgery 02/12/2013 Reconstruction: Breast implants (permanent) (Both)
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Dec 27, 2012 06:09PM Galsal wrote:

LisaMarie!  How proud you must be you were able to quit smoking!!  There are times I too fight it but I'm better for it in the long run.  My thoughts are with you during your struggles.

Dx 12/14/2011, ILC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 02/10/2012 Mastectomy (Left); Prophylactic Mastectomy (Right)Hormonal Therapy 03/10/2012 TamoxifenSurgery 07/09/2012 Reconstruction: DIEP flap (Both)Hormonal Therapy 10/06/2012 ArimidexHormonal Therapy 12/13/2012 FemaraHormonal Therapy 04/16/2013 AromasinSurgery 07/15/2013 Reconstruction (Both)Surgery 08/16/2013 Reconstruction (Right)Surgery 02/13/2014 Reconstruction: Tissue expander placement (Both)
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Dec 28, 2012 09:09AM Linda-Ranching-in-the-mTns wrote:

Howdy to all --- I went 'home' to visit my 83-yr-old-BC-survivor Mom in KC -- it was the first visit since July... (before my MRI/biopsy/lumpectomy/dbl-mastectomy). It was great to see my sis and mom, but I can't tell you how happy I am to finally be back in New Mexico (where I SO belong :) Thought I'd check in here and wish everyone "Happy Holidays"!

I don't know if any of you subscribe to daily messages (uplifting/point-of-view-changing) - But I belong to two that I generally get some good from: The Daily Om and Mary Morrisey. 

Some of you have said that you don't feel that you have much to offer right now... that your daily treatments/thoughts-about cancer have you riveted in a quiet/painful period that seems to exclude meeting new people -- at least in a romantic way. So -- what about finding a new way to view the current events in your life? A way that is invigorating, and spiritually growthful? A way that provides the ideas for meaty conversation and mind-expansion? Honestly -- who would NOT be attracted to someone who was able to find the positives in challenging times? 

With all the cancer-related changes in my life, it is helpful/empowering for me to consider the larger picture and the possibility of growth from what others (and me a couple of years ago) might potentially view as 'tragedy'. Anyway -- today's "Om' was particularly on-target for me -- so I thought I might share it with all of you... (see below) ... and Mary Morrisey is offering a free online course tomorrow about deciding what you want in your life (specifically for 2013) -- and then how to set-into-motion the mental/emotional path to reach those goals... the link to the Mary Morrisey (free) course is: 

http://www.marymorrissey.com/event/vision2013/

Below is from today's 'Daily Om': (you can sign up for your own daily messages if you like -- just google "Daily Om"

When we experience change in our life we can control our response and reaction to the changes that are happening.

Transformation is a universal constant that affects our lives from the moment we are born until we leave earthly existence behind. At the root of all growth, we find change. Occasionally, change and the circumstances leading up to it are a source of extraordinary joy, but more often than not they provoke feelings of discomfort, fear, or pain. Though many changes are unavoidable, we should not believe that we are subject to the whims of an unpredictable universe. It is our response to those circumstances that will dictate the nature of our experiences. At the heart of every transformation, no matter how chaotic, there is substance. When we no longer resist change and instead regard it as an opportunity to grow, we find that we are far from helpless in the face of it.

Our role as masters of our own destinies is cemented when we choose to make change work in our favor. Yet before we can truly internalize this power, we must accept that we cannot hide from the changes taking place all around us. Existence as we know it will come to an end at one or more points in our lives, making way for some new and perhaps unexpected mode of being. This transformation will take place whether or not we want it to, and so it is up to us to decide whether we will open our eyes to the blessings hidden amidst disorder or close ourselves off from opportunities hiding behind obstacles. 

To make change work for you, look constructively at your situation and ask yourself how you can benefit from the transformation that has taken place. As threatening as change can seem, it is often a sign that a new era of your life has begun. If you reevaluate your plans and goals in the days or weeks following a major change, you will discover that you can adapt your ambition to the circumstances before you and even capitalize on these changes. Optimism, enthusiasm, and flexibility will aid you greatly here, as there is nothing to be gained by dwelling on what might have been. Change can hurt in the short term but, if you are willing to embrace it proactively, its lasting impact will nearly always be physically, spiritually, and intellectually transformative.

----------------------

Anyway -- (Linda here again) -- I wish the very best for each of you in the New Year! I find that these 'mind-expanding' ideas really help me to see that I have a daily (actually a minute-to minute) choice in EVERY situation -- do I chose 'joy' or 'despair'? 'Acceptance and enlightenment' or 'anger and frustration'. This ability to see each circumstance as an opportunity to CHOOSE -- brings me peace and a feeling of being more in control of at least my 'inner' world!

Personally, I thought E-Harmony was great -- in part because the questions others asked me forced me to look honestly at my reality -- and shift within myself to BECOME someone that I myself would want to date! The first year on EH was about finding myself -- not finding a man. I spent hours communicating with strangers -- seeing 'what worked' and what didn't. I began to realize that I had some recurring traits that weren't very attractive... so I worked on them. Began self-monitoring more -- offering 'opinions' less often, and learned to ask better questions. I found out what was important to ME... began defining who I wanted to become -- where I wanted to live -- what sort of work and life I hoped to have in my future. All these things came about through 'deciding what sort of man I wanted to bring into my life' -- 

The cool thing was that as my questions and answers got deeper -- my connections were much more successful! And I began to see each connection as a potential learning experience -- Viewing each man as a lesson-to-be-learned. It was really exciting to attempt to see what each new person had to offer! I didn't need to date each person -- I just needed to be open to seeing what thier life-experience might have to offer me -- (and sometimes what I might offer them). 

In five years of EH although I was matched with about 3000 men (6 new ones every day) I only corresponded seriously with maybe 30 -- and only physically met 6-7 of those. Each lived far away (in a beautiful place like Montana, New Mexico, the mountains of Arizona, The Rockies in Colorado, the Blue Ridge Mtns) -- and since I love to travel, each of these (very special) men offered me the opportunity to see some gorgeous country, too! I 'knew' each of them pretty well before agreeing to meet -- lots and lots of long emails and phone calls prior to accepting the plane ticket -- and each was a gentleman.

(This is not to say that every exchange on EH was a pleasant one -- there are some nuts there, just like everywhere, but I found if I refrained from 'flirting' and stuck to fairly challenging conversations about concepts/ideas -- discussed attitudes and dreams and important life-changing-experiences -- the 'good ones' floated pretty rapidly to the top of the pile). Anyway -- in the long run, I had a few several-month-long relationships -- and a few meet-for-several-days-and-realize-it-isn't-right experiences -- ending with this current relationship -- 18-months and going strong -- even through cancer. In fact -- I think my cancer has intensified our relationship, and brought out our basic 'human-ness' (disposing of the trivialities). 

Anyway -- I wish you each the BEST New Year of your lives -- the only thing keeping it from being so it the way you choose to process the information. None of us (even those without cancer) know what tomorrow will bring or how much time we have here. Whether you decide to open yourselves to a new romantic relationship or not -- My wish for each of us is that we make whatever time we have be joyous and growthful and full of love!

Linda

Dx IDC 5/30/12. LumpX 8/24/12 (1 of 2 nodes + for BC) DCIS/tumors in margins. BMX + DIEP recon 11-6-2012. (11 more nodes x’d/none +). Began Letrozole 12-3-2012 (NO SE's so far!). Cording/pain/limited ROM in node-removed arm- but PT helping a lot!

Dx 5/30/2012, IDC, <1cm, Stage II, Grade 1, 1/13 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 08/24/2012 Lumpectomy (Left); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Left)Surgery 11/06/2012 Mastectomy (Both); Lymph Node Removal: Axillary Lymph Node Dissection (Left); Prophylactic Mastectomy (Right); Reconstruction: DIEP flap (Both)Hormonal Therapy 12/03/2012 Femara
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Jan 1, 2013 01:24AM sas-schatzi wrote:

Hellooooooo, again folks came here when my relationship just started. Then dropped away b/c sooo much was happening. Well, all good. Way good. We are living together. Every day gets better. Blended NYE friends and the laughin' was so sweet I had tears rollin'. That's amazing b/c my friends knew my dear deceased husband for many years.  DBF's friends were hugging my friends at leaving. Me too. Way good for future blending. 

What a differnce, a short time can make.

Happy New Year to you all, may we all be blessed with what we seek! L&H's sheila/sassy

Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out shouting "holy crap....what a ride" SAS

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Jan 1, 2013 07:35AM Galsal wrote:

congrats for you Sas!

Dx 12/14/2011, ILC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 02/10/2012 Mastectomy (Left); Prophylactic Mastectomy (Right)Hormonal Therapy 03/10/2012 TamoxifenSurgery 07/09/2012 Reconstruction: DIEP flap (Both)Hormonal Therapy 10/06/2012 ArimidexHormonal Therapy 12/13/2012 FemaraHormonal Therapy 04/16/2013 AromasinSurgery 07/15/2013 Reconstruction (Both)Surgery 08/16/2013 Reconstruction (Right)Surgery 02/13/2014 Reconstruction: Tissue expander placement (Both)
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Jan 19, 2013 08:25AM Joanne_53 wrote:

We certainly are a quiet bunch. Not much happening here ....COLD and windy .... Hope everyone is well.

Joanne - Onco DX score 12

Dx 12/8/2011, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIa, Grade 2, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 01/11/2012 Lumpectomy (Right); Lymph Node Removal: Sentinel Lymph Node Dissection (Right)Hormonal Therapy 04/09/2012 TamoxifenRadiation Therapy 04/10/2012 External
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Jan 20, 2013 04:43PM unowhoandwhy wrote:

I was thinking the same thing!

Dx 10/2012, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-Surgery 12/04/2012 Mastectomy (Right); Prophylactic Mastectomy (Left); Reconstruction: Tissue expander placement (Both)Hormonal Therapy 12/27/2012 TamoxifenSurgery 04/30/2013 Reconstruction: Breast implants (permanent) (Both)
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Jan 21, 2013 11:05AM Denise2730 wrote:

Happy New Year everyone! Woke up with the flu on my birthday and was sick as a dog for almost 3 weeks due to a secondary infection. Feeling better now but tire easily. Hope everyone had a pleasant holiday.

My thyroidectomy is scheduled for Feb. 18th. Tony will be back tomorrow but only for a few days when he returns to NJ to continue work on the power plants that were damaged by Hurricane Sandy.

Not much else new except I quit smoking! I was aiming for January 1st but when I woke up sick on Dec. 28th I figured that was a good time to quit. Right now as I type this and have my cup of tea, I would love, love, love a cigarette. I quit 1/2000 for 10 1/2 years but started again after my husband passed away in August of 2010. I wish I had the willpower to just smoke 3-4 cigarettes a day, the ones I truly enjoyed but that never works for me.

May 2013 bring us health, happiness and love.

Denise

DMX 8/11/11 - TE's put in. Exchange date was December 16th. Hate them and had them redone by a different PS in June, 2012. They look so much better. Still waiting for nips & areolas.

Dx 4/29/2011, ILC, 1cm, Stage IIa, Grade 2, 1/7 nodes, ER+, HER2-

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