Topic: Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

Nov 27, 2012 11:50 PM mybee333 wrote:

I am hesitant to date too and I don't know why.  It is very unlike me up to this point. I too have very mixed feelings about my body and reconstruction.  I am thinking I may get a nipple done soon.  I think that may help how I feel.  I think my big thing is that I don't want to lose my life anymore, or ever again.  And really,  I don't have the time and men can want alot of time.  Seems almost like another expectation or pull at me. I think I am scared too.  If a friend of a friend came along, as you said, I think I would like that.  But to sort through strangers again is very scary to me.  I don't trust that whole online thing anymore. I have aches and pains too.  It's hard to think what I might add to anybody's life right now.  I am filled with responsibility and in general, most days, depression.  (Sorry for the heavy post).

I am sorry you are still in pain Stanzie.  What hurts you? 

Nov 30, 2012 11:29 PM mybee333 wrote:

Funny how so many of us have fibromyalgia.  I have pain too from arthritis and the mastectomy.  It is hard to picture being newly intimate with someone with so many issues that impact sexual functioning. 

Denise I think of you as such a warm and caring person.  You've there for us here and you always bring a bit of grounded hope and optimism; I have very much admired your faith.   I think as time goes on, a 1-2 yrs or so, the reality of how deeply this has impacted us takes hold.  But I do think you will get to a more optimistic place in time.  I hope that for me too.  It helps if I work on accepting the change.  I will never be the old me again.  But that doesn't mean my life is over.  I'm hoping for a new 'season' as I go through some more years, if I am blessed enough to have them.  If not, I have had a full life, I do believe.

That said, dating can be a hassle. I have a strong sense that there are other things that I am supposed to be doing right now. I really do.  When I pray, this seems to be the answer I get.

Dec 2, 2012 03:18 PM negirly wrote:

linda - well said...

Dec 8, 2012 03:35 AM Denise2730 wrote:

Went to an endocronologist last week because my GP said I had a hypoactive thyroid. Turns out I have a large mass (4 cm) on my thyroid. Having a biopsy on it next Friday. Freaking out a little bit. I have also had severe pain in my right hip for the last 4 days. Once you have had cancer, it's not hard to imagine every little problem or pain is the cancer returning.

Tony is out of town till Dec. 16th and the only one I have told so far is my sister. I don't want to scare my boys, especially now, right before the holidays.

I tried to sleep but I couldn't so I thought I would come on here and try to work through this.

Dec 8, 2012 07:59 AM paintedlady wrote:

Hi Denise and Joanne

Read your post Denise.  Sorry you are going through all this stress. I know it is easy to tell you not to worry, but it is much harder to do.

I agree with Joanne. I also have know some people that had their thyroid glands removed and they simply take a pill everyday.

As far as the hip, a couple of years ago I had severe pain on one of my hips and sometimes I still do get alot of pain. Well, I freaked out too. Thought the cancer may have gotten into my bones. A PET scan was done and it turned out to be arthritis.

I just prayed for you. Let us put this in God's hands.  You are His precious daughter and you are safe in Him!

Dec 12, 2012 08:44 PM mybee333 wrote:

Coincidentally, my best friend at work has a large mass on her thyroid.  No history of cancer by the way.  She needs to schedule a biopsy. Her doctor was surprised she didn't notice it herself it is so large.

Good news is that the Doctor feels that this could account for her weight gain, joint aches and pains, esp. in her feet, chronic depresssion and sleep issues and temperature in the room problems (too hot, too cold).  Hoping this resolves easily for her and for you Denise.  Thinking of you. Hoping for a very good outcome :)

I used to take Synthroid.  I believe if your thyroid is removed that is the drug prescribed.  It resolved lots of problems for me and I felt so much better (this was after my 3rd was born).  No it's not natural but I was so glad we finally identified what my problem was (underactive thyroid/hashimoto's disease causing the thyroid gland to enlarge) and then were able to treat it. 

You know I was reading about the benefits of a daily asprin which they relate not only to blood thinning but more to it's impact upon autoimmune responses.  In thinking about it, my fibromyalgia, arthritis, the cancer, are all the body turning against itself.  I think Hashimoto's falls into that category too.  Interesting. I do take a daily asprin now btw.

Dec 21, 2012 05:39 PM Denise2730 wrote:

Got my biopsy results today and they were "inconclusive" but since the mass is so large (4.2 ml), I will have surgery to remove it. Probably next month. Maybe I should tell the surgeon to remove my appendix, tonsils and adenoids while he is at it.

Hope everyone is doing well and I wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwaanza or whatever holiday you celebrate.

Dec 23, 2012 07:40 AM mybee333 wrote:

Denise - I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers.  Just heard of another friend yesterday with a mysterious growth on her ovaries.  Surgery upcoming and in her 30's.  I think there must be something with our environment.

Well...........still single, not dating, trying to be as independent as possible.  A bit of a lonely life but there is a season for everything.

I do believe it will be an enjoyable Christmas however. Wishing a wonderful holiday season to all here. Peace be to all.

Molly

Dec 24, 2012 11:57 AM paintedlady wrote:

Thanks for wondering where I am Joanne.

Been reading the posts; just haven't had much energy lately (I have Fibromylagia)

All of you have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year.

Dec 25, 2012 12:29 AM mybee333 wrote:

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all my sisters here on this looking for love thread.  May God bless you in the upcoming year.  I think we could all use, and all deserve, some good times in the year to come.  Enjoy your days and know that I am thinking of you frequently - good thoughts, and prayers for all the best!!

Molly

Dec 27, 2012 03:46 PM Joanne_53 wrote:

Lisamarie, you have been through so much you need to heel you first. I stopped the on line stuff when I was Dx because I need ME time ,,, need to get my life together ...
Without knowing you, how are you going to attract anyone when you are depressed and seemingly unhappy. I understand. Maybe you need to talk to the doctor about some kind of help .. Antidepressant of sorts. I hope I haven't over stepped it here. I too take synthroid. All the best ..
Joanne

Dec 27, 2012 04:29 PM lisamarie68 wrote:

Thanks ladies , I did go on medicine anti-depressants . two different ones in fact, I felt even worse so I decided not to take them at all. I have so many auto immune things , I hate it . I was diagnosed with Hashimotos at age 40..then Rheumatoid , them raynards .. i think its crazy .. I am glad to have come here .. thanks for all the thoughts .

Lisa Marie

Dec 28, 2012 08:09 AM Linda-Ranching-in-the-mTns wrote:

Howdy to all --- I went 'home' to visit my 83-yr-old-BC-survivor Mom in KC -- it was the first visit since July... (before my MRI/biopsy/lumpectomy/dbl-mastectomy). It was great to see my sis and mom, but I can't tell you how happy I am to finally be back in New Mexico (where I SO belong :) Thought I'd check in here and wish everyone "Happy Holidays"!

I don't know if any of you subscribe to daily messages (uplifting/point-of-view-changing) - But I belong to two that I generally get some good from: The Daily Om and Mary Morrisey. 

Some of you have said that you don't feel that you have much to offer right now... that your daily treatments/thoughts-about cancer have you riveted in a quiet/painful period that seems to exclude meeting new people -- at least in a romantic way. So -- what about finding a new way to view the current events in your life? A way that is invigorating, and spiritually growthful? A way that provides the ideas for meaty conversation and mind-expansion? Honestly -- who would NOT be attracted to someone who was able to find the positives in challenging times? 

With all the cancer-related changes in my life, it is helpful/empowering for me to consider the larger picture and the possibility of growth from what others (and me a couple of years ago) might potentially view as 'tragedy'. Anyway -- today's "Om' was particularly on-target for me -- so I thought I might share it with all of you... (see below) ... and Mary Morrisey is offering a free online course tomorrow about deciding what you want in your life (specifically for 2013) -- and then how to set-into-motion the mental/emotional path to reach those goals... the link to the Mary Morrisey (free) course is: 

www.marymorrissey.com/event/vi...

Below is from today's 'Daily Om': (you can sign up for your own daily messages if you like -- just google "Daily Om"

Transformation is a universal constant that affects our lives from the moment we are born until we leave earthly existence behind. At the root of all growth, we find change. Occasionally, change and the circumstances leading up to it are a source of extraordinary joy, but more often than not they provoke feelings of discomfort, fear, or pain. Though many changes are unavoidable, we should not believe that we are subject to the whims of an unpredictable universe. It is our response to those circumstances that will dictate the nature of our experiences. At the heart of every transformation, no matter how chaotic, there is substance. When we no longer resist change and instead regard it as an opportunity to grow, we find that we are far from helpless in the face of it.

Our role as masters of our own destinies is cemented when we choose to make change work in our favor. Yet before we can truly internalize this power, we must accept that we cannot hide from the changes taking place all around us. Existence as we know it will come to an end at one or more points in our lives, making way for some new and perhaps unexpected mode of being. This transformation will take place whether or not we want it to, and so it is up to us to decide whether we will open our eyes to the blessings hidden amidst disorder or close ourselves off from opportunities hiding behind obstacles. 

To make change work for you, look constructively at your situation and ask yourself how you can benefit from the transformation that has taken place. As threatening as change can seem, it is often a sign that a new era of your life has begun. If you reevaluate your plans and goals in the days or weeks following a major change, you will discover that you can adapt your ambition to the circumstances before you and even capitalize on these changes. Optimism, enthusiasm, and flexibility will aid you greatly here, as there is nothing to be gained by dwelling on what might have been. Change can hurt in the short term but, if you are willing to embrace it proactively, its lasting impact will nearly always be physically, spiritually, and intellectually transformative.

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Anyway -- (Linda here again) -- I wish the very best for each of you in the New Year! I find that these 'mind-expanding' ideas really help me to see that I have a daily (actually a minute-to minute) choice in EVERY situation -- do I chose 'joy' or 'despair'? 'Acceptance and enlightenment' or 'anger and frustration'. This ability to see each circumstance as an opportunity to CHOOSE -- brings me peace and a feeling of being more in control of at least my 'inner' world!

Personally, I thought E-Harmony was great -- in part because the questions others asked me forced me to look honestly at my reality -- and shift within myself to BECOME someone that I myself would want to date! The first year on EH was about finding myself -- not finding a man. I spent hours communicating with strangers -- seeing 'what worked' and what didn't. I began to realize that I had some recurring traits that weren't very attractive... so I worked on them. Began self-monitoring more -- offering 'opinions' less often, and learned to ask better questions. I found out what was important to ME... began defining who I wanted to become -- where I wanted to live -- what sort of work and life I hoped to have in my future. All these things came about through 'deciding what sort of man I wanted to bring into my life' -- 

The cool thing was that as my questions and answers got deeper -- my connections were much more successful! And I began to see each connection as a potential learning experience -- Viewing each man as a lesson-to-be-learned. It was really exciting to attempt to see what each new person had to offer! I didn't need to date each person -- I just needed to be open to seeing what thier life-experience might have to offer me -- (and sometimes what I might offer them). 

In five years of EH although I was matched with about 3000 men (6 new ones every day) I only corresponded seriously with maybe 30 -- and only physically met 6-7 of those. Each lived far away (in a beautiful place like Montana, New Mexico, the mountains of Arizona, The Rockies in Colorado, the Blue Ridge Mtns) -- and since I love to travel, each of these (very special) men offered me the opportunity to see some gorgeous country, too! I 'knew' each of them pretty well before agreeing to meet -- lots and lots of long emails and phone calls prior to accepting the plane ticket -- and each was a gentleman.

(This is not to say that every exchange on EH was a pleasant one -- there are some nuts there, just like everywhere, but I found if I refrained from 'flirting' and stuck to fairly challenging conversations about concepts/ideas -- discussed attitudes and dreams and important life-changing-experiences -- the 'good ones' floated pretty rapidly to the top of the pile). Anyway -- in the long run, I had a few several-month-long relationships -- and a few meet-for-several-days-and-realize-it-isn't-right experiences -- ending with this current relationship -- 18-months and going strong -- even through cancer. In fact -- I think my cancer has intensified our relationship, and brought out our basic 'human-ness' (disposing of the trivialities). 

Anyway -- I wish you each the BEST New Year of your lives -- the only thing keeping it from being so it the way you choose to process the information. None of us (even those without cancer) know what tomorrow will bring or how much time we have here. Whether you decide to open yourselves to a new romantic relationship or not -- My wish for each of us is that we make whatever time we have be joyous and growthful and full of love!

Linda

Jan 1, 2013 06:35 AM Galsal wrote:

congrats for you Sas!

Jan 20, 2013 03:43 PM unowhoandwhy wrote:

I was thinking the same thing!