anitas

I can only share my experience with death, hope it will be of some help to you.

My sister died last Nov. Hospice wasn't involved because she wasn't ready to stop treatment. Physically her body was ready ( it had thoroughly spread throughout her liver,whites of eyes were yellow, skin jaundiced...) but mentally she wasn't ready.

She died 5 days after her last chemo treatment. She did not want to go to a hospital, so I promised we would do our best for her at home. We had her pain meds to administer whenever needed.  When talking to her doctor he said that liver failure was one of the most "euphoric" ways to die.  He walked me through what would happen... how the body slowly shuts down, she'd be asleep more than awake, eventually in a coma and then die.

You're involving hospice will be a tremendous help to your family, as is your ability to even talk about death.

I still wonder if we did enough for my sister, if we could have helped her more. I can tell you that her dying was peaceful and perfect, if that makes any sense at all. My mom laid on the bed singing a lullabye, my dad sat on a chair next to her and I was sitting on the bed telling her she was loved.

I slept in that room on the floor for about a week before she died.  The window was always open, but I never noticed a breeze before that night.  An hour or so before she died a breeze came through and I remember thinking, "Mikey's here for you sis" He was by son's best friend but had died the previous year from a brain tumor.  She died on his 21st birthday and I believe they were celebrating that night in heaven. I really do believe that we are helped in our death, I guess that's why I added that last piece.

Dealing with one's own death must be difficult, but if you can do it, as someone left behind I would have found comfort in knowing that you had made peace with dying. Having some kind of prearranged funeral plans would have made it easier for her young adult children who were now left with no parent.

I hope this makes sense and in my effort to be helpful hope that I have offended no one.  Dying is a personal matter and I only meant to share my experience.

Peace and blessings to you.