HeyJude

Hi all,

I just got back from my (final) exchange surgery yesterday and am wondering what I should be doing next about nips and tats. At first I was going to do the nip surgery followed by tats (just the skin origami, not the grafts...) but after hanging out with my no-nip girls all summer and not wearing a bra, I was wondering if it made sense to create the fake nips - and should I just go ahead and tatoo? Don't know what that would look like....or if its a stupid idea. But I'm not sure what I need those little bumps for if they don't work and I just have to worry about covering them up? 

Anyone else out there forgo the nips and go straight to tats?

HeyJude

Addisyn,

Wow...your story was a tough one to read...having lost so many family members. That is overwhelming in and of itself.  But after reading your history and decision process, I am glad you are moving ahead with taking control of your personal survival rate. The heck with the statistics, you need to feel safer in your own body; period.

I got home from the hospital this morning and I am bruised and flying on pain killers, but I'm in my own bed and on the other side of this for now. I understand what you mean when you say its hard to find people in your life you can really relate to your situation, which whether we like to admit it or not, is pretty difficult. Always come back here to bc.org to chat but you should maybe also try to get into a volunteer organization where you can meet other survivors. I did the Komen Walk last year and met several terrific women that I'm still in touch with and can talk about these terribly intimate decisions.

I wish you some peace; and people in your life who will listen and be there for you. Thank you for sharing your story and keep us posted on how things go. Here for U!!

HeyJude

It's 2:30am and I'm seven hours post right mastectomy; no node removal. I decided to do this several weeks ago after a bad mammo led to an ultrasound and seven biopsies and 48 hours of sheer grief and fear that this monster had returned in my "good breast." In 2006 dx was Stage 2b, tumor w/ micro mets and vascular invasion - right mastectomy, nipplectomy (it coudn't be saved but we tried) and four months of dose dense ACT and I don't need to tell you how sickeningly hard that all was. But like all of you; I toughed it out. When I got the dx I also knew I had benign lobular on the other side but I could NOT bring myself to do bi-lat. I was 46 at the time and going through a divorce to end all divorces....so I said no.

But when I had my bad mammo (that thankfully turned out to be "probably scar tissue" after the samples were tested, I said, "We are doing this NOW."  I couldn't endure another day thinking that my decision two years ago might someday be the cause of a new primary on the right. I was ready.

And my friends and family were NOT surprised and totally supportive. "Do it, Jude."  My boyfriend/partner (just decided to move in together two days prior!) was totally there for me and was concerned of course, but just let the hospital a few hours ago after being with me all day and I finally had to send him home!

I looked at my expander-supported mound that will someday be a fake breast the match the left and felt relief. Not the horror and disgust I felt two years ago weeping for the loss of the one on the left.

I am sharing this because I sit here alone in Greenwich Hospital after being cared for by the doctors recommended on this very site, and checking in with so many of you as it was going on. I was a daily visitor to BCOrg during all my other treatments and you are my beloved support group even though we've never met.

"The only side effect of fighting for recovery is becoming happier."

Love to you all,  Jude

OMG that was hilarious. I am able to feel you pain (been to the crazy roommate movie except mine was my soon to be ex husband) and was going through mast and starting chemo. You MUST allow honest venting. It comes in waves much like nausea but you gotta let it out! I am sitting on a train on my way home to prep for my second mastectomy (sixth surgery in two years.kill me now)and I am FREAKING out about the pain and disfigurement that awaits me. I don't let loose my anger in public but I have always relied on this board for allies. As my best friend often says of BC " that sh*t just ain't right". I am drinking a cosmo or ten to get to sleep tonight and will toast you Sister! Hey Jude

thank you all for your input and kind words. I am feeling firm in my decision now but praying for a day when we won't have to amputate parts of our bodies to prevent the spread of disease.

Linda - how did your mammo go today? You must be so exhausted from the roller coaster you've been on...

HeyJude 

Two years ago I had a mastecomy: ER positive, stage 2b, DCIS and a fairly large IDC tumor in the same breast; 4 months dense chemo and full reconstruction. TWO DAYS after the anniversary of this event I had a mammo that scared the sh** out of me. The mammo turned up "something suspicious" so my doctors rallied and got me in for immediate biopsies the same day. I have not felt that kind of fear and grief in such a long time -   it took my breath away. The idea that I might be once again be held prisoner by this disease was beyond heartbreaking. But at that moment I decided to have a mastectomy, regardless of the pathology report. I cannot go through this agony for the rest of my life. My breast, that I tried so hard to hang on to when a bi-lateral was "suggested" two years ago, is no longer important to me. I am whole without it and I need to remove it so I can have peace of mind and hope of a longer life. I scheduled my surgery for two weeks from now and am preparing myself for another year of struggling with the aftermath of surgery and reconstruction ....but it is short-term pain for long-term gain. I dread the process but cannot fathom another experience like the one I had two years ago. My prayers and love go out to everyone and I'm hoping you can respond if you've been in a similar situation. I don't really have anyone else to talk to about this decision who can personally understand the rationale.

HeyJude