texayn2005

tease

Dx at age 59 with Stage IV mets to bone. No lumps, no bumps, no nothing. 30 years of clear mammograms. No history of cancer in family of any kind. Go figure!

My dx started out as Stage IV mets to the bone in 2/2005. This after years of mammograms and no family history of bc. All skeletal bones are involved, concentrated areas of lower back and left hip. Started on Zomeda monthly, Femara daily, morphine for the pain. Anxiety meds and sleeps meds as needed. Did 34 rads. I was 59 when dx was made. I am actually doing so very well, and my onc said the same thing that you mentioned, he would treat it as a chronic condition and adjust meds as my condition warranted. I did retire from my job as did my husband of 41 years and we are having the time of our lives...living and loving every moment of every day. We have 2 daughters and 4 grandkids and our retirement plan is to enjoy each moment that God gives us together.
I admire your wife's attitude and pray that it will continue for we all know that doubt, worry, and fear serve no purpose but to destroy our faith.
Keep us posted.

Count me in on the reunion!
Dx 2/17/2005 Stage IV mets to bone..no lumps, bumps, or bruises prior. Just lower back pain and WHAM...mets already!

All advice sounds good so far. My guy, of 41 years, had never fixed anything more complicated than a pbj sandwich. He was a '50's guy...no cooking, no cleaning, no crying, etc! But he has learned a lot the past year and 1/2. He can cook, clean, and cry. And he has not said one wrong thing during all this time since the dx. It's almost like he's got some kind of hidden radar that knows when to talk , when to listen, when to act, and when to just be still. Most important thing he learned to do is cry. We both just sometimes have to have a good cry. I was always a "crier" and now it's such a relief to have him not only understand that crying is helpful, but to have the kind of togetherness that lets you do whatever you need to do and know that he will affirm it. I was also dx with Stage IV bc mets to bone from the beginning, so our stories are quite different, but the relationship called marriage is the same whether it is for four years or forty years. The vows haven't changed. You just be there, regardless of where you have to pull reserves from. Take your cues from her. Allow friends, neighbors, family to help when they offer - with meals, childcare, housecleaning, etc. so that the two of you will have more time to tend to the business at hand- getting her well and strong again.

Oops,I'm sorry, I didn't realize there were 25 pages..........I'll skip on to the end.
Silly me..too much morphine

As a mom with Stage IV bc mets to bone dx 2/2005, all I can say is keep the mother/daughter bond going just as before only stronger. Both of you will go to great lengths to strengthen and enhance the relationship you had before the news as each of you is more aware of time passing away. There is no magic trick to know how to handle what is happening to both of you. Encourage her to be honest with you about pain or other emotions and allow her to be herself without any kind of judgement. Most of all we (moms) just want the closeness to continue as before. Enjoy the heck out of the really good days and follow her lead on the bad days. Pray for her~for healing and contentment. My girls have been given a chance to prove to themselves what I have known about them all along....they are strong women, with all the finesse and intuition they need to help me and to challenge themselves to look at life in a different way and prioritize things differently..to learn that the real meaning to life has nothing to do with a diagnosis made in a doctor's office, but with the way we all approach and handle what we are given as our lot. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

LilyGrace, I am curious about something you said in your last post about your Mom thinking something was weird in her chest. About a year before my diagnosis I had awful pain in my chest, my sternum, rib cage, under my breast, across my back between my shoulders. Went to doc and she said it was a condition called "costochondritis". Only thing to treat symptons was Aleve to help with inflammation. She said that "costo" was an inflammation of the rib cage cartlidge and that nothing could be done for it. I have never hurt so bad in all my life and I have a high tolerance for pain. Just wondering if this was anything close to what your mom experienced. I have talked with others that have had this happen prior to their dx too.

I am not a daughter, but a mom with bc and I wanted to respond to your inquiry. My 2 daughters, ages 34 and 35 and my husband of 40 years have been to every major onc visit since my diagnosis was made. I have never had a doctor seem annoyed by the presence of so many people in an exam room...one even went out himself and got more chairs. My daughters and I have always been close and they have a legitimate stake in the findings as we go along this journey together, afterall they are women and they do have breasts and this dx came in at Stage IV mets to the bone from the get-go. They ask questions, have things repeated, ask again, whatever it takes for all of us to understand what the doc is saying. Thankfully no doc, nurse, receptionist,etc has ever acted rude or impatient and I truthfully don't know what I would do if they did. I DO, however, know what my daughters would do and it would not be nice!!!!! They are a lot more vocal than I am. If at all possible, I think I would try to find someone who was more understanding and gave you the time that you deserve to have given to your appt without interruptions or attitude. It is enough to deal with the situation as it is without having to play mind games with the medical professional in the room with you.
If another doc is out of the question, I would address my concerns with the "rude" doc and just tell her like it is and how you felt about the way she is coming across to you. Maybe she just needs an attitude adjustment.
Good luck to you and your mom.