harvey

Firstly thank you all for your support and advice. I have tried speaking to my daughter - not really able to let her know everything. She already knows that her father had me cancel the holiday but sees that it wasn't his thing.

 She also reminded me that he has always been a bit distant  with his children and probably sees me a needy instead of strong.

I' asking to much of him now - and he doesn't mean to be hurtful just his way.

I know he realises what he did - I came home from early shift and found the sitting room really clean and a nice meal cooking - plus he bought wine for my friend and I to share . I feel bad because I don't appreciate this - I don't know what I want but its not him playing happy homes.

I've thought a lot about what I'm going to do and I'm staying put. At over 60 and getting tired , staying seems to be my best bet.

I get to keep my dog, He is a live time wish - I got him when I really believed I couldn't beat the cancer.

I love my house, its want I wanted right down to the picket fence and flowers at the door. Also my daughter and grandchildren live near by.

Should I leave I could only afford a room or a small flat and O'Reilly would have to be re housed.  

So I'll settle for being sharing a house at the moment. If I could stop caring I would but I'll never ask him for anything again and will expect no help from him.

Thank all for listening and especially for the hugs.

If bread feeds the body hugs feed the soul.

Harvey

History

I'm over two years past dx. Had a lumpectomy , chemo A/C x6 and rads 15 big dozes. The tumour was a grade 3 stage 3.

My hubby drove me to all my appointments - and let me choose what to cook for tea after each hospital visit.

After all the treatments were finished I was given a holiday by a cancer charity. The holiday was at a main resort - 5 star and apart from staff no one would know we weren't ordinary holiday makers. All we would pay was for 3 dinner meals and any alcohol we drank.

Hubby took me to get my passport and organised it getting renewed, he also brought home a brochure of the holidays on offer. Then he manipulated me into cancelling the holiday.

Turns out he did not  want  to go on the holiday - not his cup of tea. During our discussion it came out that although he had taken me to the hospital, he didn't want to know about me being ill. This hasn't changed - since then I have had a small stroke - and developed a heart condition, he has told me he isn't interested it is my problem - not his.

We are now what I would call semi divorced, we share the same roof, not the same bed, get on reasonable well, we even eat together. Hubby  walks my dog when I am at work and I was able to give up my car and use his. He no longer works due to his own health problems.

So why am I so upset?

I've arranged for new floor covering to be laid next week. The spare bedroom will have to be emptied. Now there's not much in it, a guest bed and a display cabinet  - and joking I said it could all go into my room and I would sleep beside him.

You have never ever seen such a look of revulsion and loathing on another persons face. He reared back and stepped away from me - as he exclaimed no. He smiled and remarked no need to go that far - I can sleep at our sons house - no need for you to move out your room - he just kept walking away.

I know our marriage is over - it died the day I came home and said I have cancer. He could never bare to touch me . I just never knew it had rotted too. I guess I had always hoped that as my health improved and I worked to keep the roof over our heads things would mend.

I'm more than sad - I realised he no longer found me attractive - I never knew he found me revolting and it hurts.

Harvey

I was dx stage 3 grade 3 in Feb 2006 had surgery chem rads and then onto Adrimetex. I stoped the Adrimetex as the side affects were so bad thee was no way I could go back to work.

My onc tells me he considrs me cancer free and I shouldnt worry - what will be , will be.

In late 2007 I had a scare , sore head and lose of sight in right eye, not cancer a small clot got stuck in the optic nerve. Then early this year I found a lump in the other breast - big scare. It turns out to be a fatty thing caused by surgery.

My onc says see I told you there is no need to worry - I see him once a year and his is trying to make me accept a mamogram every 2- 1/2 years. No way - no how. I worry - I would worry if I was stage one. To many woman have died after being told they wil be ok.

Harvey

I was 57 coming up to 58. I put chemo on hold for the family holiday - cant believe I did that. As the cancer was quite aggressive.

Still over 2 years now and I'm fine - working full time and planning to back pack Asia.

Harvey

Sorry I'm on holiday - please leave a short message and your number .

I left my telephone number and .....

I'm two years past dx. All I done was push myself to get back to work full time and pick up my old routine.

I did buy a small dog - so I walk a little more.

For me the secret - is to look forward and  make long term plans. 

So I'm going backpacking in Australia in May and plan to visit asia next year.

Not bad for a 60 year old - cancer or no cancer.

harvey

I discovered a lump the size of a grape, after doing an emergancy stop.

I thought a first it was some kind of deep bruise, however it didnt get any better.

The doctor refered me to the local breast clinic. The lump could be seen - but never showed up on  mamogram. On the ultra sound it was very clear.

I had a core biopsy that showed cancer cells. For some reason the tests made the lump grow and by the time I had surgery it could be seen through my cloths.

I had a WLE, chemo and rads and two years on am NED.

I work shifts full time and have taken up dancing. I have plans to travel in asia later this year and some more next year.

Just wish everyone else was as well as me.

Harvey

I hurt my breast just after the dx. I had to do an emegancy stop and the seat belt cut into me.There was loads of swelling and of course it was a bit blue.

The surgeon moved my op up a week and all was well.

I do hope everything turn out alright for you too.

Harvey

I had my surgery 14/02/06. I already knew I had cancer just not how bad it was.

Still after chemo and rads - I'm doing well, just getting old.:)

harvey

I was in the middle of chemo, no hair a moon face from the steriods and a bit yellow a my liver was not working to well. I felt like some thing the dog walked in.

To be told I had never loooked better or younger as all the lines and wrinkles had vanished, plus a tan suited me.

I'm really to look old and pale again