Bimmer

Diane took IXEMPRA. The side effects were very severe. It made her much more sick than most of the many other chemo's that she tried.

SHOCK & AWE! I am in awe.

No matter how you look at it, no matter what you think about Bimmer. Weather you think I'm a rotten SOB,  or a loving soulmate, really makes little difference.

I just wonder where all these people are coming from? I've been at this thread, this forum, for a couple of years. Maybe 250 comments +-. I posted this yesterday, it's been up for maybe 30 hours and has had 2264 hits. Just where in the heck did these 2264 people come from?

The only other post at this forum that has as many hits has been up since 19 Sep 2006 (16 months).

There's alot more people lurking in the shadows than I ever thought.

I think it's so funny how this whole thing has taken on a life of it's own. I got more hits on my post in one day than any other post.

Many of these hits after the post was deleted.

For half a day now many people have been evaluating me, and judging me, and commenting about me when the post was deleted along time ago. Most are just guessing about what they thought it said, or thought that it must of said, or thought what it probably said.

Who now knows verbatim what I actually said?

I was contacted by the moderators. They wanted me to tell them the usernames of those who sent nastygrams to me.

I of course would not because I feel sorry for those who were offended. I don't want to offend them anymore or any worse.

Please let's take away this "life of it's own" that the DELETED POST has taken.

Let's just let it die.

I'm sure my next one will stir things up tho...

Thanks Ladies for your love and support,

Bimmer

Oh Traci!!

You're probably going to be burned at the stake for that one!

I am a very thoughtful and deep person. I spend alot of time trying to understand people and thier motives. I spend alot of time trying to understand things that may be beyond me.

Somethings I understand very well, others I struggle to understand.

I have been writing my thoughts here for quite a long time. I have shared some of the most terrible times in my life with all of you. I have shared some of my most tender and private things.

I have shared alot of feelings that I did'nt really want to share but I thought that these feelings would be thought provoking when shared with you folks who also have stage IV cancer and who will also die from it and leave husbands and other loved ones behind.

The other day I mentioned in a post, one line in a post, that I was interested in meeting a woman.

You see,  since Diane died I have been very alone, and lonely.

Well let me tell you how disappointed I am in some people here.

I actually got hate mail over that one line comment.

I was told that I'm a real piece of work. How my wife's not even cold yet and I'm already out chasing....Someone actually questioned my love for Diane in an email. She said that it must not have been much of a real love if I could so easily move on...

I guess as long as  my reality tows the line on what all of you think that it should be,  then you read what I write and you are touched or angered or moved by what I wrote.

But if my own personal reality takes off a little from what you expect from your husband after you die, then I'm just an unloving, uncaring, "piece of work".

  I owe noone an explanation but I will provide it anyway.

Diane and I knew for 16 months before she died, that she would die.

During that time we had dozens of intimate little conversations (many of these I have shared with you in the past). We had many tender moments where we talked and cried and and loved. We celebrated our 32nd anniversary together.

During these talks, Diane made me promise that when she was dead and gone that I would move on with my life, find a nice woman, and live happily ever after.

Now that she is gone, and I am so very much alone, and lonely, I am trying to fulfill my promise to her. I am also trying to make myself feel better and more full.

  The point of this post is that I implore each of you who may someday die from breast cancer to have such a little talk with who you are leaving behind. Tell you husband what you expect of him after you die. Tell your husband how long it is that he should sit around the house and drink, and be miserable, and alone, and so very lonely. Tell him how long to grieve and be miserable.

I am sure glad that my wife, Diane was thoughtful enough to do this for me... Because I now know what the right thing to do is.

You that do not understand this, you that wrote hate mail, need to think long and hard on what a closed minded, selfish person you can be when you do not learn from what is put before you.

I'm doing ok ladies. I've been reading alot, spiritual stuff my Brian Weiss. I am lonely and trying to meet a woman to occupy my time.

Life is not really good, but not really bad either.

Something is definitely missing!

You will all think that I've gone off the deep end.

I've been reading books by Brian L. Weiss, M.D.

I have recently become interested in reincarnation and past life regressions. I'm still trying to understand Diane better.

A greater awareness is coming.

I think that we will lose all of our momentum if we wait until next year. In addition to that another 40,910 of you will be deceased.

I say we move now, 6/22/08 or ASAP.

If we snooze, we lose!

Thank you. I hope it works.

Please checkout the threads at the bottom of the menu, specifically "Comments, suggestions, feature request".

There I started a conversation requesting a separate forum for us to organize and discuss this march from the Viet Nam Memorial in June '08.

Please show your support for this.

Back me up girls...