newjan

Hi,

I wish that our families could be mature and accepting of us when we are in such stress from this life-threatening and life-changing illness.  Not make judgements and let us be however we are.  But it doesn't always work out like that.  For your own sake you must take care of yourself and you don't need to have 'their' stuff hurt you.  Pull away for a while if you are able to and accept the care and support from your husband and others who are not so entangled in all those messy family expectations of how you 'should' be behaving (according to them).  It may not be possible to understand where they are coming from - they certainly don't have any idea of where you are coming from!  So consider letting it go for a while.  In as gentle a way as you can - or not - whatever feels right for you!  It's toxic stuff and you don't need that right now!

Good luck.  Take extra good care of yourself.

Jan

Hello,

it's good to be able to read this thread - I started on tamoxifin in Nov 06 and straight into menopause (I was 53) and no periods.  About 3 weeks I had a very heavy period after a few weeks of 'twinges'.  I mentioned it to my doctor who advised a trans vaginal ultrasound which showed 'something' in the endomentrial lining (possibly a thickening).  So, tomorrow, I am off to the gynacologist for a biopsy.  I don't feel concerned really - but I guess I will be pleased if it is 'normal'.  Good luck Stillrusty - and peggy too. 

Newjan 

My PS told me recently that all those women who have had boob jobs (augmentation) have made it so much better for women who have had cancer/reconstruction because all that experience in enhancing their boobs is now being utilized in our breast reconstructions.  Maybe in the past I may have thought that they were 'vain' - well, I was wrong.  Good on them for whatever reason they chose - and good on us for choosing reconstruction if that is what we want to do.   I had a bilat mast 18 months ago and I didn't know if I wanted to have reconstruction.  I missed my breasts and there has been a lot of grief about the cancer and about losing my breasts.  My husband was told he may have to have hip replacement at some time and this started me thinking about the medical technology available and why I couldn't avail myself of it too.  I am now half way through expanders - hard work and why on earth would anyone think this was vanity??  Isn't feminism about supporting the choices women make?  Not about putting other women down with judgmental and critical remarks.  We must surround ourselves with positive people who are our supporters not our critics!

Hi Susan,

listen to Pam!  I can't offer any suggestions about your choice - but I can relate to the crying and the overall sadness which you are experiencing.  Of course you will feel overwhelmed at times and sad because of the unfairness of it all.  And the changes to your body - and to your self.  This is normal.  Repeat. Normal.   You are feeling very vulnerable at the moment because of lots of valid reasons - one of which is that you are physically weak and that makes us feel very vulnerable.  I hate this feeling.  I want to feel strong.  I felt so weak after my double mastectomies for ages then the strength built up and returned.  18 months later I am now undergoing reconstruction (expanders) and again, after surgery, felt very weak - emotionally and physically.  Especially emotionally.  The weeks are passing - I feel my strength returning.  Thank goodness.  But I know that at times the vulnerability and weakness returns.  At these times, crying happens.  I am trying to allow that process but it's hard.  Please take care of yourself.  And find things that help - reward yourself in ways that feel good - even a rest on the bed with a magazine counts.  Or talk to a friend.  Or maybe go see a counsellor who can be an objective listener and help sort through stuff.  All the best.

Jan 

That's great Debbie.  Well done - for now and for the past 3-1/2 years too.  And to Ro too.

Take care

Jan

Hi,

my doctor is suggesting weekly fills but 4 days post my first fill and I am still very uncomfortable, I am thinking of delaying the next one, due Monday.

Can anyone enlighten me please?  I have been having very sharp painful tugs when I bend over - it goes quickly but I am breathless when it happens.  Today, I peeled off the tape that the doctor had put around the area to try to keep the expanders in place.  I felt a bit better with the tape off and haven't had the painful tugs either.  Do any of you have the tape in place?  Is it working?

And when I tried a firm top which was suggested, the same thing happens - very painful tugs. 

I feel better without anything at all on my chest.  Others experience??

thanking you

Jan

Thanks Therese for your description of the whole journey to where you are now.   Only another 4-6 months to go...

I had 150 ccs during the surgery and yesterday had 90ccs.  It has been surprisingly OK - not as bad as post surgery. But still having regular pain meds.   Every now and then something (expander I guess) catches my muscle and I gasp with pain.  But then it moves and it's OK.  Good luck Sam with your overfill.  My doc asked if I wanted more on Monday - but I declined.  Rather go slowly if I have a choice.

Jan

Hi,

this is such a difficult time for you and your wife. 

In Oct 06 I found a lump and had the tests and had to make a decision.  My surgeon recommended lumpectomy but I was undecided.  There has been a lot of breast cancer in my family and my mother had died at 43.  I was given a booklet for 'women who have a strong history of breast cancer and are considering mastectomy'.  It really clarified my fears - and so I made the decision to have bilaterial mastectomy.  My husband was supportive - but thought it was too drastic.  He said 'if you had a bad tooth, you wouldn't have all your teeth out'!!  But I felt it was right.  As it turned out, there was another lump behind the original one and it was DCIS - so it was definitely the right decision for the mastectomy on that side.  But the other side was a preventative for me.  And it is now 18 months post surgery - and I have just started the process of reconstruction.  In six months or so, it will all be over and I will have breasts again.  The intervening period wasn't too bad - I needed to recover from the surgery and the whole idea of cancer and to mourn the loss of my breasts - and of other ideas of health and security etc.  I even got to accept my flat chest and felt quite OK with it. 

I think I am quite a pragmatic person so to choose to remove the risk (as much as possible) of reoccurrence of breast cancer I know I did the right thing for me.  A few months ago, my oncologist said 'to all intents and purposes, you are cured'.  If I still had my breasts, he would not have been able to say this because of the possibility of future risks.

Your wife, with yourself, have to make a decision that sits right with her.  Deep down.  And then you get on with the all the stuff that happens then.  I truly wish you well.

Jan

I just read some new research that shows that even two drinks per day can lead to increased risk of bc.  I drink regularly and love it. I had a bilat mast in 2006.  My mother never drank at all and had bc at 40, died at 43.  Her sister hardly drinks and had bc when she was in her 40's.  We have had the brac test and don't have those genes (although it is highly likely that we do have some sort of mutation).

Life has been hard enough living with cancer in our family.  I am not going to deny the joy of a cold glass of wine at the end of the day while cooking dinner.  Or a beer at Sunday lunch with friends.  Or a celebratory glass of champagne, or three, at my son's wedding.

salute.

Jan

Hi,

I am one week post recon surgery today.  I had a very low day yesterday but today feel much brighter.  I had been quite 'content' with my flat chest and now having the pain, the meds, the whole experience reminds me too much of the original cancer/mastectomy journey and I just was sick of it all.  So I spend most of yesterday afternoon feeling 'sad and sorry' for myself.  I'm sure it's normal.  Just bloody depressing.  It doesn't help to have hot flashes every now and then just to add to things. 

I have my first fill next Monday.  Whooppee. (said with irony).

Jan