hayseed

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, " The f**ken funeral director would be my first guess "

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN:

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT:

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST:

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:

You have two cows.

The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

They are mad. They die.

Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:

There are these two Jewish cows, right?

They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION:

You have two cows.

That one on the left is kinda cute...

I have been on Femara for 10 weeks after Tamoxifen for 2.5 years. I was given a choice of Femara or Aromasin but was told that there was less joint pain on Femara. I am really stiff first thing in morning and if I sit for awhile, I am like an old lady trying to get out of the car. Make sure you take a calcium supplement with Vitamin D with Femara as it does not protect bones like Tamoxifen.

My only other SE is weight gain but that could also be menopause and less exercise as it is winter here.

Like others, I am prepared to put up with side effects if it prevents a recurrance.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother.

Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you.."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement.

The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I'd say you must be either a team leader or possibly someone in senior management".

In Australia a tv show by Carson Kressley(sp) has just come on about how to dress to look your best. His comment last night was the bigger the handbag the smaller your butt will look! I love it as big shiny bags with lots of details like buckles are really in this winter.

Sometime ago there was a website posted that listed songs from the Vietnam era. 

Can someone recall that? (Obviously  someone who does have a foggy memory like mine!!)

After taking tamoxifen for two and half years my doc changed to femara 6 weeks ago. Even on tamoxifen I always felt hot, not flashes but a constant increase in my body temperature.  I have now started to develop rosacea on nose and have been told to avoid the triggers, over heating, alcohol, coffee, spicy foods - all the good things in life!!

Does anyone have a natural remedy for rosacea?

• She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
• She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
• She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
• She told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
• She tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
• She sat on the TV and watched the couch.
• She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
• She tried to drown a fish.
• She thought a quarterback was a refund.
• She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
• If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.
• They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
• Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics".
• She tripped over a cordless phone.
• She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
• At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here".. she put "Sagittarius".
• She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
• It takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
• If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
• She studied for a blood test ...and failed.
• She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
• When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home and got 16 friends.
• When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
• She thinks Taco Bell is where you pay your phone bill.
• When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
• When she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

What are Kashi Nuggets?

I am in Australia!!