Sessna1

Okay, ladies.  I refuse to be branded as a coward.

I went to my appointment.

It turns out that I have two very small areas of concern, but they are hard to reach, thus the talents of the multi-talented Intervention Radiologist are needed to guide the needle gun along with x-ray, etc. techniques.

I wish my oncologist could have told me that instead of a new doctor.  Then the new doctor could have explained just what the procedure would consist of.

I have to admire you ladies (and gentlemen) that keep fighting amidst new doctors, old tests, and news that does or does not mean "fill in the blank."  It is so draining, upsetting, and you have to find ways to bring your stress down - like prayer, down time, alone time, more prayer.  I haven't fought, I've trained.  I'm in training.

Thank you all again.

sessna1

Ms. Virgo828, you have no reason to apologize to me.  You have been through a lot!  You are still in a lot.

I thought it was odd that the oncologist's office said, "They will do a biopsy," but the actual office said, "It's a one hour consultation."  My oncologist called, said that there are some suspicious spots, and that he would need to speak to the radiologist about it.  Then, his nurse got on the line and said that I would be scheduled for a biopsy and the biopsy facility would call me. 

First, I was not happy and I thought, "Tell me what you think is going on."  Now, I've graduated to, "Okay, you are sending me to someone who can tell me what he thinks is going on.  You don't want to scare me with ifs.  But you know what?  I don't like mysteries.  You try messing with my head and I'll walk, I promise I'll walk and I won't look or come back.  You work with those who want to work with you.  I don't." 

I already moved myself from my PPO oncologist to my POS option.  Basically, my medical group had only one woman to send me to as a choice of oncologist.  We got along like gasoline and fire.  I used my out-of-network option and went to see a highly recommended person, whom I like a lot better.  Who would have thought that I'd feel better about a male physician about this than a female?

Now I understand why many people, not just older people, avoid doctors.  I get it.  Not knowing is better than worrying daily and being controlled by others' input.  I get it.  Stress is one of the worst symptoms of all.

I have some spots near my diaphragm and lymph nodes under my lt. arm.  I read on the Internet that getting close to the lungs for a core biopsy does carry some risk, and that worries me.

Thank you!  Thank you for sharing with me!  I appreciate it so much!  The appointment is tomorrow, I didn't cancel it.  I just prayed, wrote on the boards, and decided that I don't ever have to lay on a table and be bullied into a biopsy again.  I'll get up, get dressed, and go home.

You are too kind to tell me about a hospital procedure, because I know they are personal.  Thank you, God bless your heart. 

It bothers me that I don't trust the process.  The place that did my CT/Bone scan about a week ago sent a report and a copy of last years x-rays to my house by courier.  I was thinking, "Where are the disks that I gave you?  Shouldn't you have sent this to my doctor?  Did you send a copy of this to my doctor?  Did you read the paperwork that I signed that said, "Send my disks back to me?  What are you doing?"

Sigh, I've been an office person since 1978 (High School).  Currently, I'm an analyst.  Sorry about that.  I don't like sloppy paperwork follow-up.

I did have that talk to myself that having chemo and having the cancer come back would cause me to give up.  I'd be devastated - as if I did it for nothing, or just to have to do it again.  That's not how I want to live the rest of my life.

I wish my doctor would have said, "Your insurer may not pay for BRCA testing."  I tried to take notes as my surgeon spoke to me, and she began drawing a diagram and said she would write it down.  She drew a great diagram, it just doesn't answer the questions that we started out posing.

My oncologist did a great consultation after my mastectomy.  I felt like I was the subject of the week at the university. (smile)

I'm not used to doing anything out of fear - and I don't appreciate people who bully others into acting out of their fear.  I know, find a government or any large business that doesn't do that.

Given my apprehension, I go with the good gut instinct that I have - and it is a good gut, tested, tried (smile), and true. 

Love in Christ, and much gratitude from me

sessna1 

You are correct, bluedasher.  Different facility and different doctor all together.

Thank you for your perspective and experience. (super hug to you here)

I might be able to get a better perspective if I remind myself that people are as different in the medical field as they are in any field.

I would appreciate not being forced into something on the spot, and I am an adult, I could have gotten up and left before.  It is true.

I like that turn of events better,  that you know you're going to get a biopsy when you come back, not the same day.  I know that it saves time and money to just get it done ... and I read of a young lady from Britain on the boards who couldn't even call her doctor because of NHC procedure??? National Health Care Program.  I was floored.

If a doctor has attentive, concerned, professional, accurate, and conscientious staff people, - getting bad news isn't as bad.  It's not what you said, it's how you said it.  I sat two seats away from  a social worker in a womens' breast cancer support group and just marveled at her face.  It was like watching Joan Crawford up close.  Listen, react with speaker, mirror disappointment, not head, look attentive, listen, acknowledge other group member's comment, react, nod - whoaaa.  I wondered if she gets to be human on her own time.

How hard it must be to work with physical/mental pain.  How stressful it must be to work with social pain.

You ladies have helped me think a lot.  I thank you, with all my heart.  I needed you.  I really needed your input.

Thank you, very sincerely,

sessna1

Warrior Woman, Ms. Virgo828, would you be willing to share?  Need input, please

My oncologist scheduled me for an appointment for a biopsy at an Interventional Radiology office.

When they called me to make the date and time, they said that the first appointment would be a "consultation."

Okay.  I'll admit it.  I'm melting down, I'm premenstrual, and I want to scream, cry, and hit pillows.

Question:  What was their needle like?  The procedure?

I had a biopsy on my lt breast before it went to "boob heaven," as I read another person call it.  That little phrase made me laugh, and it still makes me smile, ruefully.

I don't like needles.

I've seen enough needles.

I feel like I wasn't given enough information by my Oncologist's office about my CT/Bone scans, and now they are shipping me off to another office to give me extra bad news - but FIRST, the doctor has to scare the snot out of me, let me go home, and get used to the idea of scaring the snot out of me.  Now that's humanitarian...

Now.  That would be an improvement over the Pathologist at Memorial Med Center in Long Beach  who basically let me lie on the table and cry in the darkened ultrasound room until I was willing to let her do something.  Yes, her assistant the technician talked to me, but that was all worry inducing intimidation, too.

I did learn something from that - I can get up and walk away from any situation - ANY situation.  I read my medical nootes in my chart and the terminology read "OBTAINED INFORMED CONSENT" or something.  What a euphamism for, "We waited for her to crack, and then we got our biopsy."  I hope that isn't standard for the pathologists to do that before a biopsy on the breast.  It's really demeaning.

Thank you.

sessna1

Dear labhusky,

Your letter touched me from the moment you began speaking about a difficult mum and you became a soul mate when you said brothers (ewwwww).  Bless your heart!

You are a very strong person, and you chose not to mention any trusted friends or relatives.  I think, I think that you are saying, "Who does the rock stand upon?"  You are the one your mother leans upon and you are the one looking out for your brother.

Older moms that are in declining health are very stressful on your life.  You left work to be with her in distress.  (Oh, we ARE joined at the hip.)  The line (very thin) between daughter, relative, friend, protector, loved one, advocate, woman, and human being is a tight rope.  I didn't put "care giver" in there because what you are doing is uncommon, and I acknowledge those that go above and beyond when I can.

I am having to learn to accept support.  I'm past 40, and I'm independent, stubborn, self-sufficient, and driven.  My psychiatrist informs me that I am arrogant and ignorant if I don't take care of this new diagnosis of breast cancer.  Whoa.  I was wondering what she would say to me about my stubborness.  I knew that she would go "human" on me, and let me have it with both barrels, and I got shot, too (smile).  It had to be done.  Oh - arrogant because I want to do things alone by myself and ignorant because I don't know all the medical ramifications, outcomes, treatments, and hope available for those who have cancer in 2007.

Your brother sounds as self-centered and irresponsible as the ones that you can't find a Hallmark card for that tells the truth (please smile).  I have one of those.  I really need you to please consider having a best friend look out for your furbaby.  I am told that sometimes people step up to the plate when they are needed, but my brother has always run for the football field insisting that he wants to sign up for soccer practice...  you know what I mean.  Both you are your furbaby deserve better than that.  I have two furry angels in Heaven, and if I was worried about them, it would be another dent in my heart.

You know your brother better than I.  Does he usually check out and drop out of sight as long as he has a girlfriend around?  Does he schedule so many things to do that he can't finish anything?  Sitting at the computer all the time is a really bad sign, I'll be honest with you.  I will ask you to consider something - does your brother have any real good friends?  Girlfriends don't count.  I am asking if you know of another male, who is of good character, who has a friendship relationship with your brother?  I'm trying to ask you to ask yourself if there is someone else rational (like you) who believes in him.

I had to write, because your letter touched me.  I apologize if I haven't been of much help.

I am struggling to get up the gumption to return to a church congregation and a bc support group.  In theory, it sounds easier to me to pull out my own wisdom tooth without any pain killers.

A big hug to you.

... we are all put here on earth to help others.  What the others are put here for, I don't know.