gramadeb

Donna - fatigue is unchanged. I do have a sleep study scheduled for Dec 11. That should be interesting - trying to sleep with all of those electrodes etc in a strange place - I can't sleep well in my own bed!

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. I have to get the energy to go Christmas shopping. We have a family Christmas party at our home on Dec 20 - about 30 people. Everyone brings something so that works very well.

I have my next mammo on Feb 2. So going to try very hard to put cancer out of my mind through the holidays - and just remember everything I have to be thankful for.

Talk to you all soon

Deb

emegirl - my thoughts and prayers are with you. I lost a sister to cancer -not bc but a very aggressive form of abdominal cancer. The weekend before Christmas we always had a "family Christmas" - which included our two families. We started when our children were young and kept it going until there were grandchildren. December of 2000 she wanted to have the celebration at her house, even though she had stopped chemo that October, was on oxygen and unable to walk because of lymphedema in her legs. We had made plans to have her oldest daughter fly in from Texas as we knew this would be her last Christmas - it was to be a surprise. The day before our event, hospice informed us that they felt she had about 2 weeks left to live. The next day as we all gathered at her home, she was unable to get out of bed or speak. As each family member came in to say Hi and tell her they loved her, she would force a smile and say "I love you". When her daughter from Texas arrived she smiled and had a glimmer in her eye - like she knew her daughter was coming. After she said her goodbyes to everyone, she lapsed into a coma and died 12 hours later. We were all with her.

That was one week before Christmas. It was a very difficult time for us - and each Christmas is difficult. But what I hold on to is that she knew she was loved, she had her family with her and told us she was at peace. In my heart I believe she had it "planned" - she knew we were all going to be there and she had the chance to "celebrate" one more family Christmas.

Her family and mine still get together the weekend before Christmas and carry on the tradition she started.

My elderly mother recently passed. She had not been feeling well and I finally asked if she wanted us to stop treating her and let God's will be done. She said that is what she wanted. She asked to see my 3 young grandsons one more time. After she saw them, she became unresponsive a few hours later and died within 48 hours. It was a difficult time - but I felt like she needed to know that it was OK for her to let go and that I was OK and then she passed.

Let your Grandma know you love her, be by her side if you can, talk to her. This is painful and I know how you are hurting - my heart goes out to you.

Hugs to you

Deb

I saw my onc today - 3 month checkup since finishing chemo and rads and starting Arimidex. My biggest complaint is fatigue. Onc asked if it has gotten worse in the last 3 months and it has. I feel crappy pretty much of the time - not sleepy - just feel like I cannot do another thing. Onc said I should not have an increase in fatigue from Arimidex and was thinking of switching me to Tamoxifen. I have had increase in insomnia and cannot sleep more than 2 hours a night unless I take Ambien or Xanax. I don't ever feel rested. So onc is recommending a sleep study - too many things are pointing in the direction of sleep apnea - husband says I stop breathing, jerky legs etc. If that turns out negative then she will switch me to Tamoxifen

I HATE the fatigue!

Deb

My lashes are falling out again - 3 months since the last fall out! One good thing is that they grow back relatively fast.

I had my first post chemo hair cut about 3 weeks ago to give my hair some style. I love my really short hair - and so do my family and friends. As long as it stays curly I may keep it short. Very easy to take care of.

Deb

Denise - TC is very doable! I finished 4 treatments end of May. My onc was very good about treating side effects. I had minimal side effects and felt it was easier than the horror stories I had heard. I worked nearly full time, planted my garden, cleaned my house and spent quality time with my family. Yep, there were days I didn't feel good but I did the best I could.

I agree with the positive attitude - a statement that was made to me when I first started this journey - " let yourself have days of feeling sad, worried, nervous, tears etc. but don't let cancer define your life". This was my "motto" during my treatment. I also didn't want to get so wrapped up in my treatment that I was missing the day to day things that were happening.

I am now 7 months since diagnosis and sometimes I feel like it has been years. The time does seem to go fast and before you know it you will be looking back and saying "I did it".

Hang in there!

Deb

fivekids - you have every right to feel upset. I remember the day my hair really started to fall out. I was sitting in traffic and gently pulling on it and would get a handful. Went home and was working on my computer and I just started pulling out handfuls. DH came home from work and I had a pile of hair on the floor and was sobbing. He told me it was time to shave my head and did it for me. 

Take it a day at a time. Our hair defines us more than we realize until we lose it. Find wigs or scarves that you like and make you feel as good as possible. You are beautiful no matter what bc does to change that!

Had my last chemo the end of May and now have a wonderful, short curly hairdo - but seven months ago I didn't think it would ever happen.

Hugs

Deb

I too am a member of the no sleep club! Was diagnosed and had lumpectomy in Feb and was given Xanax to help me through this stressful time. Started chemo in March and of course the steroids prevented any sleeping. Also started Effexor XR for hot flashes. Finished rads in Aug. I could not sleep at all - started taking Xanax, Ambien or Ambien CR everynight and I was lucky to sleep a few hours and felt terrible the next day.

Two weeks ago I really was having trouble. I was so absolutely exhausted and I felt like I would collapse. This didn't make any sense to me - why could I feel so physically tired but when I went to bed I felt wide awake. I thought I was losing my mind! Felt like my body didn't know "how to sleep". I knew Effexor could cause insomnia so I stopped taking it.

I now can "fall asleep" without any sleep aids. I don't sleep all night but at least I fall sleep. I still don't feel rested. Last night was probably the best night sleep I have had in seven months - but I still feel so tired today and shaky. I hate this feeling.

Deb

Hi All - Sandy I am so happy to hear you passed your stress test - yahoo!

I am still very fatigued 11 weeks after rads! The past 2 weeks I felt really bad. I was so physically tired but could not sleep. I was taking sleeping pills but they were not working. I couldn't figure out how I could be so absolutely exhausted but my body not letting me sleep. I got to the point that I felt like I was going to collapse. Then it hit me - I had medication induced insomnia. I react differently to medications - if it says it makes you drowsy - it makes me hyper.

I stopped taking Effexor and I feel so much better. Now, I fall asleep watching TV and I sleep without sleeping meds. I don't feel completely rested - guessing that is the fatigue carryover from chemo and rads but I am no longer in this fog and total exhaustion. BC really has a way of messing with your mind and body - I thought I was going crazy!

Today would have been my mom's 93rd birthday - hard to think about it today so soon after her passing. We always had a party for her.

Speaking of kitchens, we had to buy a new refridgerator. Bought one with the freezer on the bottom and french doors on top. Love it!

This weekend we are having our family Halloween party. My children, their spouses and my grandboys all come over. Everyone has to wear a costumes - even our dogs The little guys have a great time - and so do us adults.

Good to hear from all of you again. You are always in my thoughts.

Deb

sandym - I had straight hair - would get frizzy in humidity but never curly! I always had very thick hair. I do love the curls and hope they will hang around for awhile.

Yes, the hair does come back. Everybody hang in there!

Deb

I had chemo followed by rads and did fine. My skin held up very well. I did have some fatigue - happend more towards the end of the 6 weeks. My rads were done in the building next to my office so from the time I left my desk and got back from rads it was about 15 - 20 mins! I worked full time except the last 3 weeks when I would take Friday's off to sleep and get the fatigue under control.

Good luck

Deb