Anuhea

That all sucks, and here's my crap...

I just picked up this post and I could have used it yesterday... crying at work... a high school... and kids looking shocked. (Like, I am supposed to be cheerful ALL the time.)

Every kid who ever knew of someone who has died of cancer has found a way to take me aside and ask, "So, you have cancer?" And I answer, "No, I did."  And then they tell me all the horrifying details of someone who they know who died.  I wish I had written them all down and wrote a book.  Oh wait, I still can 'cause the stories keep coming!

I have watery eyes that burn the sides of my face, my hair is blonde (at least that is what I tell myself... it can't ALL be grey) and about a millimeter (is that the smallest measurement?) except still nothing in the widows peak area of my forehead.  I wonder if it will ever return?  My neuropathy is so bad that my fingers are numb and so are the bottoms of my feet.  All my nails look hideous and dead and pealing and wrinkled. 

I have hot flashes that make my head sweat and wake me up.  I'd give my last breast for a good nights sleep.  My teenage children are so angry at me for 1. divorcing their father and 2. getting a hideous disease and are cruel to me all the time.  My boyfriend doesn't get that I can't remember sh*t and what that really means and has broken up with me for the gazillionth time - not realizing that he adds more to the stress than he provides relief from.  I worry about typing anything cause the CRS makes me not even remember how to spell. 

Being a librarian all I can say is... have you read "Cancer made me a shallower person" by Miriam Engelberg?  (Don't worry, I can't read either but this is all comics so it is do-able!)

Thank you - I needed that.