Mena

I just mustered up the guts to read these posts, and I want to thank all of your for your compassion in this truly, life-, body- and mind altering tragedy that has yet to make any sense. "Thank you" sounds so simple but here the words are profound; and although my heart has never been heavier, I am lifted by your condolences and kind words.

Miz, thank you for relaying news that I just could not put into words. It's all still so surreal and even typing this seems other-wordly. I know how much you loved Dawn. I just couldn't do what you did for me and I want you to know I do appreciate it even if I sound crabby.

Shokk, I think it was you who remembered my son. He is not doing well and I am very, very touched that you remembered him. 

All of you have overwhelmed me once again with your solidarity and empathy. Marin! Yes, I got your call and saved your number.

I can't say I'm doing a stellar job of getting on with life today, but I did get my hair done (despite the fact that I'll be losing it shortly) and I spent hours visiting with Arpy from Chat. I made myself shower, shave, makeup -- all of it. I guess you'd say I'm on a automatic pilot with God at the helm and my new special angel, of course.

My niece had a quite detailed and happy, colorful dream about Dawn and this helped all of us. She said Dawn looked like a beautiful angel and said she was happier than ever. She was with me and we had our arms wrapped around one another. Dawn happily added that there was even a candy-land up there. She also told my niece that she can only visit every ten years. I'm hoping ten years is nanoseconds up there. I know dreams have all kinds of interpreters and interpretations, but I'm taking this for what it is worth.

OK, I'm blathering and tearing up a bit. So once again, monumental, sincere, I've never been more honored to say,  thank  to forgot you to all of you. Please keep praying.

I don't want to forget anyone and in my heart I haven't. I have to offer special thaks to Cheri. Man, she really knows how to get a girl through the night lol! Thanks for listening and sharing more about Dannyl.

Everyone please be kind to one another and as John Mayer croons, "say what you need to say...." (but do it gently).

Love,

Mena xo  

Hang in there. It's all gonna be OK...Mena...xo

Oh Deb...it's a dark place where you are right now, for sure. I understand and so do too many of us. It takes a while to adjust to this new living-with-cancer. And that's what you're going to do. Live with it.

It's not easy and harder for some of us given our life circumstances, but you have always been so upbeat and optimistic and kind and gentle and helpful. Now it's time to let us help you.

First, get another opinion. Get two. Do what makes you feel like you are doing everything you can. Have your cancer tested again to see if anything has changed (ER/PR/HER2). This does happen.

I am so sorry. You will grieve the loss of your health and that is perfectly normal; don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You are such a fighter! Mourn this news and then you will get on with tx and life!

I don't think you have to tell your girls you're dying. You're not God and you don't know what's really in store for you. It's another battle that you will fight galantly and with good humor once you adjust.

I've been living nearly 4 years with mets, Deb! And you know my personal life has sucked since that dx, but here I am.

You can do this. You will grieve and cry and probably lose sleep for a while (took me about 8 mos!) And then you will pick up and live one day at a time, as we all should.

Please check you pm's and know that you will now form bonds stronger than the ones you've had (and they are plentiful, right?).

I'm just so %^^%$#( angry at this disease. You need to talk to metsters and refuse to give up, which I know you will when you're world stops reeling.

I will pray for you and I understand every thought you are having. Many of us do. Lean on us now, Deb. You deserve it and we owe you!

Love,

Mena...xo

Preventative. I've been one it for about two years and it is slowing the progression of my disease, so they say...

It is not a chemo; it does not directly kill cancer cells...But if you are a candidate for it, by all means, do it!...xo

Atiman hahaha just saw that...how funny...xo

Heather, STATS ARE FOR BRATS (HA!)...seriously...I was dx'd with lung mets in Aug/04 and told not to expect more that 18 months. I'm still here, functioning, fighting, and...eating anything I want (in other words...fat!).

One day at a time. It's difficult, I know. You're not alone. Keep sharing...Mena...xo

Oh don't be afraid to up that Fentanyl...I started at 25 mcg and now use 150 mcg and nothing but Tylenol 3 for breakthrough pain. Just tell your onc. There's no reason why you can't have more that 25 mcg; you'll just have to minimize the other drugs you take for pain, especially the morphine.

But don't increase anything without asking or telling (ha!)...Also, some patches (generics/brand) are better than others. I've had good success with the Sandoz brand.

I hope you feel better. Pain sucks...Mena...xo

Hi J...haven't stopped thinking about you and praying since I first read your post. Just dropping by to say "peace"...love, Mena...xo

You are amazing to share this. It's hard to find anyone who really wants to talk about this side of it all. So brave of you. I pray you are surrounded by angels who keep you pain free and unafraid. God bless. Many warm and gentle hugs, sister...Mena...xo

Mena is OK! Just hit another bump in the road. Scans reveal more suckiness and onto another tx which has me puking already so here I am...hahaha...fear and vomit are great motivators!

Thanks you sooooo much for all of your support. Yes, my Gramma is still in critical condition, and yes, I adore her and vice versa. So it will be a great loss. She is 99 and one helluva woman. I got rather run down running back and forth to the hospital and think I picked up a bug. Then I got the results of my scans last night and yuck. I'm refusing chemo for now and opted for what I just figured out is my fifth hormonal. Aromasin. So for the next three months it's Aromasin (and Herceptin which I've been on for about 2-3 years now; have to look that up). Then scans again.

I appreciate everyone and all thoughts, posts, calls, cards, everything. Thank you. I feel better just being here at this absurd hour.

My family is becoming more supportive...don't know who what when why or how -- all of a sudden but I'm happy about it. This is the second Saturday in a row that my brother has taken me out for breakfast. Of course today I had to run to the Ladies' room to vomit and couldn't eat, but nonetheless it was pleasant. Hey, one thing about cancer -- I know where all the public restrooms are and I can get there fast! I can even get in the ones that store owners claim they don't have hahaha...I mean, they get scared when you get that vomitous look...Besides, is it really going to kill them to let you use their damn toilet? Absurd. 

I do have to get over to the hormone thread and find out why I am puking from one day on Aromasin. And hot flashes, too...I suppose it could be all the running and upset over my Gramma. She's decided she wants nothing if she goes into cardiac arrest and doesn't want to be intibated (sp?) any more. They just extibated her yesterday. So, we are all preparing for the worst and we were all called there a few days ago "to say our goodbyes" and after 36 hours she rallied. Then we were told she took a turn for the worse again.  So, it's going to be a touch and go situation from here on out.

I'm sure many of you have experienced similar situations. This is going to be a  huge loss to our family. She is a true matriarch and the creator of so many traditions and such legacy. All the preparation in the world doesn't make it any easier. She has, however, been the maker of my fondest childhood memories for which I am eternally grateful.

Like I am for all of you. All of you...xo