morning

i have all the symptoms that the internet tells us for lymphoma. My breast cancer is now in the reconstruction stage.When I go to the ENT, he says, the ultrasound shows cysts in my enlarged neck lymph nodes. I have seen the path report and it says, either cysts or tumors. When I go to my PCP, he says, "canceritis, you need lexapro." I am seriously afraid. I want to live for a long time. This afternoon my fiddle teacher says it take seven years to learn the language of the fiddle. I felt a deep and tearful fear, that those days will not happen.

I honestly do not know how to stand up for myself. In the waiting room I read about Fran Drescher, who said, you have to stand up for yourself. I know that, but idon't know how to assert myself without becoming a town character, a caricuture of the cancer patient. I am afraid. Yes, that is true. But why wouldn't it be lymphoma when everything I  feel coordinates exactly with the symptoms of non hodgkins lymphoma.

I don't want to hear about courage or optimism.I just want to know if I could be right, or if the doctors in their omnipotent knowledge, are right.

Wow, Girl, you are one of the blessed ones. I'm so glad it all went so smoothly for you.You will be an inspiration to others who come on the board for information.

I am facing testing for Lymphoma. I have expanders in on both sides with metal ports. They will want to look at my spleen, lungs liver, etc. I know an MRI is out of the question. But how about a CAT scan. Does it have the same reactions with metal?

Got the results. Not good. The lymph nodes under my jaw are definitely enlarged and one of them has two objects.. either tumors or cysts. I have been referred to an ENT but haven't got the appt yet.

I took a long walk in the autumn leaves along Grizzly Creek and thought about it. I looked at several scenarios from "Benign, let it be. We'll keep an eye on it." To "Lymphoma, you're screwed." In between were "ongoing infection, dose up with antibiotics." Early detection, radiation and chemo." And I decided to slam an anti-anxiety pill, take a nap, go play music with my friends every night this weekend. And to meditate on shrinking the little suckers.

I'm not rallying my support people until I have more data. I just wish the wheels of medicine didn't grind so exceedingly small.(slow).

What a year! did I pass through the gates of hell without noticing?

SB, I've pm'ed you.

Thanks, you all, I got a cbc which showed a normal blood cell count, so I went to Denver and got my last fill. hurrah. However the lymph nodes that indicated this infection, have not gone down and they do not hurt and I don't have a sore throat or any such thing. SOOO. Tomorrow I'm having an  ultra sound of my neck."to rule out lymphoma." Oh Crikey, another thing to worry about.Let's see. meditation, exercise, deep breathing, long walks in the canyon, playing the fiddle,Klonipin. My new full time job is the concerted effort of not jumping entirely out of my skin.I love you all on this board. Who else could I tell this to?

M

Snadye, Slow down. You don't need to go every week. Also, wear a good tight sports bra night and day. It keeps the weight of the things up off your ribs. Also, as time goes by test yourself on the vicodin. Back off to Advil or one of other NSAIDs.  Oxy and Vicodin are great, but even they lose their effectiveness after awhile. Maybe you could do one Oxy and then at three hours two big Advil. then Three hours later another oxy. Oh, yeah, and another thing. Stretch Stretch Stretch.I start in the morning in the shower after the water has warmed up my muscles. First I stretch up above my head, then behind me with clasped hands, then in front of me with elbows together and hands clasped.Then do a few sun salutations and cobras. Also seated back twist, and cat/cow. Three times a day minimum.It's not as much fun as a vicodin, but it's a lot more effective in the long run.

I got a hundred cc's last Wednesday because I'm not going back 'til Spring. Then I'll get my expanders. I still have twinges even with all the program I mapped out above. But Heck, girl, we've had a mastectomy. Surely our pain threshold is raised  a bit.

Good luck.

Thanks, Friends, The PS started to kind of deny that they were anything he'd caused and then he saw that I was afraid it was a new cancer, so he re-routed and said. That is not coming from you. I don't know what  it is exactly, maybe stitches, maybe a flaw in the expander, but it is not coming from you. It's something we did to you and when you get your implants it will be history.

Whew..(wipes perspiration from worried forhead.)

Why do I do this worry thing to myself.

I love you guys (girls) Thanks

I am in the expander stage of a bilateral mastectomy. My right (prophylactic) breastoid has several lumps in a straight line from the center to the bottom near my rib cage. I expect my PS to say it's nothing. Don't worry. And, quite frankly, that's not good enough. Having read a horror story in this forum, I just realized I can't get an MRI.

Since the lumps are in such a straight line, I can't help think that it is less likely to be a new BC and more likely to be an alloderm issue.

But sometimes the horrible thought occurs to me that alloderm is human tissue. What if it were cancerous human tissue?

Oh, my God, Pat, That which we all fear the most has happened to you. Thank you for letting us know what happened. Blessings, prayers, good vibes, whatever we have to offer, we join hands around you in this scary time.