angel0921

I now officially more than halfway through..on #19...and I continue to see the cumulative effects.

My underarm is BLACK..very attractive and my radiated areola is quite bigger darker than my other breast's. My boob is so swollen and red..now the redness has crawled up way above the areola to the entire area which is covered by my bra. It looks like a mild sunburn, but does feel uncomfortable. I am wearing more and more a sports bra to support my huge battered DD boob.  I can't tell you how this "sexy" look gives me confidance as a single woman (NOT!) I have been avoiding any and all social outings. Part of me wants to date and get out and have fun....I feel like I have no other life than rads and obligations. But, another part of me feels so unattractive and "undateable".

In some ways, yes treatment has been going by fast, but in others, it hasn't. I have to say the daily stress of leaving work to get to rads on time is really getting to me. I leave work at 3 to make it to 3:30 rads. So my work day gets cut short. Even though my school day is over at 3:30, I usually like to stay at least an hour after school 2 or 3 times a week to catch up on paperwork.(I'm a school counselor) Well now that time is gone and I am starting to get that overwhelmed feeling. And forget getting to work early. We start at 8 am and I have enough trouble getting there on time, let alone earlier than that. I am sooo wiped out with exhaustion every morning before I force myself out of bed that making an attempt to leave earlier is just out the question.

My evenings are also so full with my kids' homework, soccer practice, dinner and chores that I barely get a breather. I have tomorrow off for Veteran's which is a relief. I get to go to rads without the stress and I am also getting my bloodwork done. Do all of you also get blood drawn every two weeks? See that's another time consumer: going to lab for bloodwork. Also there is the weekly see the rad onc which is scheduled right after rads and then let's not forget the day they do the weekly xrays which also adds time to your appointment. I hate xray day because I have to lay still EVEN longer and sometimes I feel like I am crawling out of my skin waiitng!!!!

Ok I feel better..I vented..Thanks everyone

Angela

When this is over, I think I am going to be so appreciative of having all my time back. It's going to feel like a luxury!

LOL kleenex, my 13 year DID go trick or treating afterall! He just called and said he and his buddies decided what fun would Halloween be just hanging out and not getting candy. So I think you are right..this is a diehard tradition that will last into the teen years. Not the same like believing in Santa Claus....

Hi. I was diagnosed over the summer with DCIS. Had a lumpectomy/SNB and I'm on treatment #8 for rads (will be 33 total).

I am divorced mom of two (boy 13, girl 11) and I am feeling sorry for myself today which I have tried very hard not to throughout this whole thing. Rads schedule is getting tiresome and I am feeling overwrought. Between a full time job and raising my kids and nows rads on top of it all, it's just a lot by myself. The ex sees the kids, but he travels a lot on business and aside from the everyother weekend deal, I can't really count on his help.

I am having a down day today. Just feeling tired and lonely. I have been divorced for 3 years now, was married 15 (together 20). Ex found somene before we even separated and he is still with her. I have dated a lot of frogs but not a single prince.

I have to be honest and say one of the hardest parts of being dxed with cancer is not having someone by my side. My mother, who I am very close to and is also a survivor, is "there" for me, but during the daily struggle, it's just me.Mom still works herself full time and has her own full plate. I tend to be a loner which doesn't help and the couple of good gfs I do have are married with kids and have their hands full.

 Having had just DCIS and a lumpectomy,  I have tried to minimize it and I am not one to be dramatic, but it's hard when I feel everyone thinks I am just fine (and I am not).

My kids are at ages where they are very self centered and although I don't expect them to wait on me, I wish there was a little more consideration involved on their parts. They expect mommy to always be "on" and always 100% available and sometimes I just am not. Today I crawled into my shell and have been on the couch or bed most of the day. Even though my son made repeated "take me here, take me there" requests, I had to say I was feeling sick because apparenty being tired from "just rads" is not enough to get a break around here.

I would love to have someone special in my life,  holding my hand, giving me something to look forward to (yes..including sex!). Most men I meet though are ONLY interested in sex and I have gotten so turned off by that. I am not looking for a full blown 24/7 relationship, just someone to spend time with me when I am free who can keep me company and I can have fun with. This middle ground kind of relationship seems soo hard to find. It also seems that there is always a lot younger men looking for "milf action" (lol) or older men who look like my dad. A guy around my age who wants what I want and is attractive seems to be an extinct species. Now I have to factor in a guy who will be caring enough to not be scared off by the C word. I have pretty much taken a dating hiatus till I am done with rads, but I am always open if the right guy came along.

Fitchik, thanks for starting this thread. It has given me a chance to vent and read about other single survivors.

Tomorrow I finally start my rads!!! Yahhhh! And I got a 3:30 pm appt time!!  yeahhhhh!! That works very well for me because my work day is over at 3:30 so that means I only have to miss 30 minutes of work everyday versus 90 minutes had it been earlier in the day. That was such a huge relief for me. My kids who are 11 and 13 will be on their own till I get home, but it shouldn't be more than an hour which is really not a big deal. They are old enough.

I was surprised my rad center did not give me a whole lot of "orientation" as to what to do or what not to do during rads. I had to inquire about the whole deodorant and shaving issue. The chief rad guy said NO WAY. But then he had me talk to a nurse who said I could use deodorant as long as I washed it off before rads. I am going to try the Tom's. She said I could try an electric razor. I honestly never cut myself. I use those razors that have like the soap surrounding the razor (I think they are Venus) and they are very smooth and I never get nicked.

Wndalina, did u have a lumpectomy? Like you, my mother and maternal aunt both had breast cancer  and I also kinda always felt  like it was a matter of time for me. Sometimes I feel though that that negative thinking attracted the cancer to me ..you know the whole law of attraction thing. Have you thought about doing the BRAC testing? I definitely plan to and will discuss it with med onc once I start seeing her (Geez ANOTHER doctor!!)

Midsum, what I had inserted was the Contura. What happened was that I have implants (since 5 years ago) and when they did the simulation with the balloon filled with saline it was up against the implant. There has to be a certain amount of tissue around the balloon. It was very disappointing especially since I had dummy catheter in since surgery 9/4 then it was switched out for Contura catheter and balloon on 9/24 and I finally had simulation on 10/1..so it's been a journey. I am so ready to finally start rads!

Kleenex..wow I had no idea about the not losing weight part. I wonder how much weight loss would impact measurements for radiation? I wil definitely ask onc about that.

Well here's the verdict: after the simulation and CT scan, the radiologist and other medical professionals (there were like 4 in the room!) including onc rad determined mammosite will not work for me. I have implants (have had them for 5 years now) and the mammosite balloon once it was filled all the way with saline pushed up against my implant which I am not quite sure why it meant internal rads couldn't be done. Maybe the radiation wouldn't have emanated properly? I was so stunned when they told me and how quickly they took out the balloon and catheter that I never got to really process it all while I was there. At my next appointment I will get the details.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. After a month of having a catheter in my braest preparing for mammosite and now not being able to is a definite let down. I wonder if this is a common problem for women with implants? If any of you have had this experience or know of it, please share your feedback. Also I wonder how much my surgical onc considered my implants as a possible barrier to mammosite rads and whether or not he should have been less gun-ho about inserting a dummy catheter right away at time of surgery if there was a good possibilty this would not work. 

Now I see why the original rad onc was so less than enthusiastic about my doing mammosite rads. He saw the writing on the wall. I still don't regret for a minute switching rad oncs. I feel much more comfortable with my present one. When I arrived to my appointment (before simulation)she was wonderful about sharing with me the off the press research that showed the most recent clinical trials of five year study on mammosite in early stage breast cancer which indicates results comparable to those acheived with conventional whole breast rads (as far as local recurrence results). She then told me that everything would depend on simulation results. 

So now here I am like starting what feels like another long chapter as I know so many here have also done and will be doing.  They told me I will have three preplanning appointments before I start the actual treatments. I called my insurance to verify that I am 100% covered and was happy to learn that I don't have to pay a copay each time.

And for now, the best part of all of this is:  I DON'T HAVE A CATHETER IN MY BOOB for the first time in a month!!!! Yahhhh. :-) 

After a long tiring day yesterday, I finally feel better today and have an appointment with a new radiation oncologist (YAHHH!)

Yesterday I had the balloon and catheter for rads put in. The exchange of the dummy catheter for the rads one was not painful at all. The draining was not as much as I thought it would be and so far today (it's lunctime) I have not had to change the gauze.

I found out that they are using not the Mammosite brand, but Contura which "contains five separate lumens or tubes inside the ballon will help to shape or contour the radiation dose away from the skin or chest wall to obtain a more optimal result" (as per the brochure). Later in the day I did feel uncomfortable, achy and had a headache, but I think it was stressed related.

After a lot of asking questions and making phone calls I figured out I had more choices regarding which rad onc to go to. My surgical onc thought I had Humana Gold which limits which facilities you can go to, but I have Humana Open Access which gives me more choices.

The original rad onc,who is so conservative and didn't agree with the brachytherapy. works at a free standing facility (not part of a hospital) and I noticed he had ALL elderly patients. Now it makes sense, he is the rad oncologist used with Humana Gold for seniors and I don't think he has a lot of experience with women under 50 with breast cancer. Thus, he did not feel comfortable doing brachtherapy on me!

To make a long story short, I now have an appointment with a FEMALE rad oncologist (on Monday) who is part of same hospital as my surgical onc and I think I will feel much more comfortable. I don't think it will put my treament behind since the other onc didn't want to do CT scan till Monday at the earliest because he kept insisting the tissue has to "settle" first from the balloon insertion before he could do it. He also has all these "ifs and buts" about whether the brachtherapy radiation will work. I am afraid by the end of CT scan he would declare I was not an appropriate candidate for bractherapy. He kept saying that even after the CT scan, he would have to carefully "study" the measurements of the cavity and balloon and this could take several days!!!

So I am VERY happy I am going to someone else. I feel very empowered by taking charge of my treatment and making my choices that I will comfortable with.

I think maybe I didn't explain myself correctly in previous post. The radiation onc WILL go ahead with mammosite rads. He never said he wouldn't. He just expressed to me that I had other options to consider because of my age. He pretty much left the decision in my hands.  

My concern is his wish to delay till 10 days from now because he doesn't want to do CT scan so soon after balloon is in place. He seems to think the balloon has to adjust itself in the cavity for the CT scan to take proper measurments, thus delaying my starting rads by another ten days ....because they can only start  them on Mondays to get the five days in a row (not done sat or sun).

I called the rad onc today as he told me to. When he spoke to me on phone, he said he wanted me to come in in person so he could discuss with me my options. So I left work an hour early a little anxious and met with rad onc. His explanation of the  three options was not a newsflash, but I guess he felt it was his responsibility to give them to me. Option 1: conventional radiation 6 to 8 weeks, Options 2: Mammosite 5 day or Option 3:  Masectomy.

I think the issue for him is that I just turned 46 over the weekend and the age recommendation he follows for mammosite treatment is women 50 and over (although I thought I had read elsewhere 45).  He was too professional to come out and say it,  but I get the impression he and my surgical oncologist disagree on this. My surgical onc is more cutting edge and really insisted from the first day I consulted with him presurgery that mammosite was my best option. The surgical onc really never offered me the other two options. Hence, why he inserted dummy catheter right away during surgery.

I also surmise that my radiation onc is more conservative and traditonal and crosses every T and dots every i, For example, he said he didn't want to do my CT scan till NEXT week because he thinks my skin needs to adjust to the insertion of the balloon for the measurements to be precise. This kinda annoys me since I just want to be done with all this and start the d**** rads already. If I don't get the CT scan till next week as he is planning , then that means rad treatment won't start till 10/6, the first Monday after CT scan since they don't radiate Sat. or Sun..

I have my appointment tomorrow with surgical onc to have balloon inserted along with "real" catheter. I want to ask him his take on all this waiting for CT scan and then delaying rads another week and a half, Maybe I can persuade him to persuade rad onc to start sooner???

I was also thinking maybe I should ask about getting another onc who won't delay my rad treatment. From reading about all your experiences here, it's obvious there is no need to wait days in between balloon insertion and CT scan. I am wondering if Rad onc just doesn't have enough experience with this which is why is is hestitant????? I am thinking I need to really to speak up tomorrow with surgical onc and express these concerns.

 Any suggestions or opinions from you tonight before my apointment tomorrow would be appreciated. Thanks!

I had the armpit pain for two days  about two weeks post surgery (lumpectomy, SNB). It was funny because the armpit soreness was the last in a series of different discomforts I felt after surgery. Once that deep armpit soreness was gone, it was like I felt 100 % better, I didn't have anymore soreness of any type.