NCdaughter

I wanted to also encourage you to get a second opinion.  I am in NC and lucky to have some great cancer centers in the state, but my mom doesn't live really close to one.  She goes somewhere close by for her treatments, but we did get her seen at a major cancer center for her second opinion when she had mets diagnosed this past July.  The onc was great and spent a lot of time with us.  He gave us a lot of hope about all the many treatments that are out there and even clinical trials that are available to my mom.  Send me a PM if you want to know info about the hospital and the oncologist we saw.  It is a reasonable drive from GA. 

Hi, I have been reading posts since 2004, but haven't posted much.  My mom was first diagnosed with Stage IIIC (HER2+++ ER/PR+) in '04 and recently found met to the sacrum (HER2++, ER+, PR-).  She has finished radiation and is going to start Herceptin + Navelbine on the 26th.  She got a second opinion and the two oncs disagree on the treatment schedule.  One says Herceptin & Navelbine weekly; the other says Herceptin once every 3 weeks and Navelbine 2 weeks on, then one week off.  Another onc who is a friend assures me these are comparable and I think the research on Herceptin proves that, but all of the studies I can find are with Navelbine weekly.  Is anyone else on this type of schedule or know of any evidence for its efficacy?  I don't know if I am just focusing my stress on this detail, or if it is a really important detail.  Your help is much appreciated. 

Dear MLMM,

 I have experienced some similar withdrawing.  Some of it, I have to admit, comes from myself because I am sometimes too tired or emotionally exhausted to be with friends.  Sometimes I dread answering questions about my mom's ongoing treatment, etc., but sometimes I desparately want someone to ask.  I have found that most of my friends will assume that I am too busy or overwhelmed and back off a little.  This may be the case with your friends.  If so, take the initiative to plan an activity that fits your schedule and this will let them know that you want and need to be included in the social circle.

 Best of luck!

Dear Gladiola,

 I am so sorry you and your family are going through this.  My mom was originally diagnosed four years ago and just recently found out that she has a bone met.  All of the ideas people have suggested for staying organized are excellent and I highly recommend that someone take notes at the doctor's visits.  I have also found it extremely helpful to write down my own questions and my mom's questions as we think of them and then refer to our list at the visit.  You should talk to your mom about the role you want to play in her medical care and the role she wants you to play.  If it is ok with her, go ahead with questions during the visits.  If she would prefer you not do this, or if you are not able to go with her to the visits, she can put you on a list of people who are able to get information about her medical records and speak with her doctors.  This has been extremely helpful to me since I live 4 hours away from my mom and cannot always go to every visit.  I have called to ask questions before about her lab results.  I have also called to ask questions on her behalf, when she has been too anxious to pick up the phone herself.  Finally, it is never too late to get a second opinion.  There are many options for treatment out there and some doctors have different views on treatment for metastatic BC.  I would encourage you to do this, it is something we are doing right now ourselves.

 Your mom is a lucky woman to have you as a daughter!