Route53

Hi Linda,

Thanks for the post.  Yes we really hit the quiet waiting period for a bit until we decided on my wife's post surgery oncology plan.  So you probably haven't been in the hormonal therapy area of the site where my questions have been geared and also on the SGK site.  My wife and I also hit the proverbial wall waiting for my wife's swap out date to replace her expanders with implants.  We finally got the date which is a big relief.

I guess the big point I have for most women on here is that men are just different.  I personally might be on the more sensitive side of the spectrum and be more involved but I sometimes really feel like getting away from it all.  I also think the poor economy right now is on a lot of people's minds yet my wife doesn't even think about it and I don't even talk about it with her.  The stresses of everyday life are on my shoulders right now and I am carrying that load while she focuses on her own personal health.  I've always said that my wife and I have a 50-50 marriage and for a while I went 90-10 and I'd say right now we are 65-35.   I too have many hours such as now when I am awake and she is asleep.  I need that time to be alone with my own thoughts.  We all have to recharge our batteries in different ways.

Mocame I understand your husband's thoughts. Humor is a way to try and get through all of this.  My wife even laughed when she found out her implant date was going to be her birthday.  She called me at work and said, "I'm getting Boobs for my birthday".  It was a good chuckle but quickly saddened when we found our 9 year old son's classmate's mom found she had cancer too the other day.  I know you need to have levity so I am glad for you that you can laugh at it.  If it works for you, then keep it up.  He'll be okay with it eventually and at least he sounds like he has accepted it at least which is half the problem.

I'd just talk to him and tell him you are lonely.  I had to talk to my wife the other day about just giving ourselves what we call "cancer free" hours in the day when we are together on the weekend where we don't talk, think or even recognize that cancer is part of our lives.  I told her I need that time. Just to watch football, play catch in the backyard or even have a nice family dinner.   

Susan our children have also been our bright light in this. My wife (also a NJ gal) has missed quite a few of our children's events and I have tried my best to videotape everything for her (my son even sings songs from his chorus class to her in bed).  Yes, working FT, taking care of kids, cooking, shopping, etcis tough and I was so exhausted for a time, but it is a labor of love (for my children and my wife). 

Linda, back to your question.  My wife had a total skin-sparing surgery in which her nipples were not removed.  We didn't even know it was going to be an option and she had already planned on getting her nipples tattooed.  She said that even if they didn't feel the same sensation wise, she wanted them to look like breasts when naked.  In the end i was ready to just go with what made her feel as normal as she could feel alone or with me.

As for what I think?  I think men are more visual and would prefer to see nipples and areolas.  It is good that you are thinking of him, but definitely ask him what he thinks.  It is funny.  I might be old-fashioned, but I'm not into all these tattoos that many people have these days, but I'd personally be okay with tattooed nipples over even tattooed eyebrows which seem to becoming prevalent.

ladies, sorry for the long-winded answer.

Route53

http://route53wordpress.com/ 

Houston, we have a surgery date.............As my wife called me excitedly today while i was at work.  Finally another long wait is going to be over

 Please add my wife (MarketingMom) to the list:

12/12 - Exchange of Expanders to Silicone Implants

Route53

http://route53.wordpress.com

MDempsey and Shanda,

Sorry to hear.  When I hear stories like yours it just puts me back 4 short months ago when we found out and two short months ago when my wife had surgery.  Back then, time seemed to stand still but when we look back, time actually flew by.

I'm not a doctor, but if either of you are anxious, your physician can prescribe something for you like they did for my wife although if you can avoid it and keep your nerves intact naturally through the support of friends and family, that is highly recommended.

MDempsey, I highly recommend perusing these boards about telling your child.  You didn't mention their age, but there are lots of tips here.  Obviously you know your child best and how they will react.  I thik a lot of how they react will come from your delivery.  Strength comes from strength.  You will need her to be strong for you, so share what strength you have together.

Good luck to both of you.

Route53 (Erik)

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My wife is 42, my mother was 67, my mother in law was 55, my aunt was 53, and my two cousins were 42 and 39.

Route53

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You're welcome.  I just find myself listening to lyrics of songs in a different way these days

I just heard this song today and I could only think of my wife and all the women on here suffering from breast cancer.  I hope if you are just looking for two minutes of pleasure that this might set your day on a different course (just click on the link below and make sure you listen to the song called Be OK).  She has two other songs listed here that you can also listen to:

http://sessions.ticketmaster.com/41.html

Thanks and Have a great day,

Route53 (Erik)

http://route53.wordpress.com

I can tell you that my own wife had a cough that developed the day she was diagnosed with cancer and didn't go away until the day she got the call from the doctor with her results from her surgery.  They gave my wife atavin so she could rest at night

I can also say that I too feel every bump in my body and wonder if I should go get a biopsy done on some parts of my body.

Route53

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My wife had her surgery on 9/9 and we've gone through her fills and had her first appointment with the Oncologist 10/12 and have yet to get started on the Tamoxifen as we are looking at some of the potential trials she might participate in.  We're having a follow up meeting to discuss the options tomorrow.

 Just wondering how long (for those of you who didn't do chemo or radiation) it was before you started taking the Tamoxifen and if there were any raodblocks that prevented you from starting earlier.

Route53

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Good question.  My wife was originally told she was a good candidate for a lumpectomy.  When my wife told the breast surgeon that she'd prefer a bilateral mastectomy, her physician did not flinch.

My wife had made up her mind before.  A side note, as my wife made this decision she was not even thinking of reconstruction until the physician told her she could have this done in a single surgery.

My wife felt fortunate that the cancer was detected and did not want to rely on luck again to save her life.  Since her mother had a bilateral mastectomy 20 years prior and my own mother had a single mastectomy 5 years prior, my wife felt this decision was a no brainer.

Route53

http://route53.wordpress.com

LOL!  Well in the end it is still cheaper than Whole Foods!

Route53

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