SheRee

Deanna - Yeah, I reported it to my oncologist who didn't seem very concerned.  I also searched for it on the YSC board, and was relieved to find that it's not as uncommon as one might think.  Actually it seems fairly common during taxotere.  I'm using artificial tears, but my eyes are still driving me nuts!!!

I FINISHED chemo yesterday!!!  YAY!!!  I have to go in today to get my neulasta shot and a steroid (depo-something) shot, and then moving on to rads!!  Whoo-hoo!!  I'm so excited.  Supposedly I can start rads in two weeks, so I'm going to make my appt today before the neulasta kicks in and places me firmly on the sofa for a few days :) 

I didn't realize we'd get tattoos for the rads... hmmm.  BUT i do already have two tattoos, and once my treatment is over I plan on getting two more.  I have a sun that represents my son, Billy, a ladybug for my "Caiti-bug", and now I want a bell for "Kelsey-bell" and of course a pretty little pink ribbon to remind me of all I've come through.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Hey everyone.  I've been lurking again for quite a while.  Every time I think I'm going to post, I end up deleting it.  I'm not sure why.  Sometimes it just seems easier reading everyone else's posts than to write my own. 

I'll be having my last chemo on Monday.  The last three have been taxotere, and in some ways I feel like they've been harder than the EC!!  The side effects seem to last longer, even if they aren't as violent as the last ones.  I've always gotten them to numb my port before my infusions, and as crazy as it sounds, it won't seem to get numb anymore.  Every taxotere infusion I've gotten has hurt like mad going in... but, I will admit, I'm a BIG baby when it comes to needles!!!

I've definately got the neuropathy thing going on, but only in my fingertips.  My right hand is the worst.  My fingertips HURT on the right side.  It seems that I stay tired and achey all the time, like I'm on the verge of getting sick.  Not painful enough to take anything stronger than advil, though.  I personally hate meds, so I put off taking any unless absolutely necessary.  My eyebrows are so thin they're pitiful, and I have a few eyelashes left.  My nose runs all the time, and I've got somewhat of a cold, so my eyes are watering as well.  But I think one of the worst problems I've been having is nosebleeds.  I'm soooo tired of my nose bleeding.  Sometimes I think it's running and grab a tissue which turns bright red.  It really sucks.

Other than those crappy side effects, I've been doing well.  My family is doing great, and we're all very excited that the chemo is ending next week.  Then it's on to radiation... I'm wondering, does anyone know if there's a co-payment every day?  I'm supposed to have seven weeks of radiation, and that's alot of money!  Of course, I know it's worth it, but still...

I'm a little worried about something else, too... I've had periods all throughout treatment.  The thing that worries me is that my cancer is ER+, and having the periods obviously means I'm continuing to produce the freaking estrogen!  Ugh!!  Any opinions on this?

Well, I've rambled on and on, so I'll sign off now.  I'm really happy to hear that most everyone is finishing up the chemo, and doing well.

(((Hugs)))

Good morning, everyone.  It's good to see that everyone seems to be doing well, aside from the lack of sleep.  I made myself stay off the computer the past few days, as I was beginning to feel like an addict to the site!! 

So, I'm off to chemo #3 in just a little while... my husband, Mike, won't be here for this one.  That kinda breaks my heart, but I know that it couldn't be helped.  And usually I just sleep all day on the day of, so maybe I won't miss him anyway!

Monday I was really down.  I think I've gained about 8 pounds, and you're talking about someone who has been struggling to lose 15 - 20 lbs for the past couple of years... so that was very depressing!  Then I've got the whole bald thing going on.  At least when I had hair, I could "dress" for the day (nice clothes, extra time on my hair) and feel kinda pretty, but that isn't possible anymore.  I just feel huge and ugly.  Probably didn't help that I was on my period.  (I was hoping to not have those during chemo, and was about 2 weeks late, but nope...it showed up.)  Anyway, I woke up feeling much better on Tuesday...so guess what I did?  I went grocery shopping at Wal-Mart COMPLETELY BALD!!!  When I got there, I knew everyone was staring, but trying not to.  Halfway through the trip, I wasn't noticing them anymore.. and by the time I left, I felt natural.  Amazing, huh?  Want to know what I discovered?  People stare when I have on a bandana or scarf, too... AND complete strangers are absolutely KIND to young bald women!  Seriously, I had more people say, "hey!  how are you doing?" than I've ever had with my hair.  Kind of funny.  I would be like, "HEY!! I'm GOOD... and YOU?"

I almost went to the doctor yesterday uncovered, but at the last minute I threw on my bandana.  Guess my courage comes and goes.  lol

Anyway, if the past two treatments are any indication, I'll be out of it all day today, but should be able to check back in tomorrow morning... Then after the neulasta shot tomorrow, I'll be out for a couple of days, but I'll check in as soon as I can function again.  Until then, know that I'm thinking of you guys...

Missy -

I'm so sorry you are going through this.  Hopefully you're little voice is wrong... this time, anyway.  When are you scheduled for the biopsies?

I probably didn't handle the whole process so well.  I only told my husband that I found a lump, and then once I knew they were doing a biopsy I told my boss, because I would be out of the office for several hours.  Although I had that annoying little voice, I continued to deny it, and didn't tell any of my friends or family.  On one hand I didn't want anyone to worry... but on the other hand, I didn't want anyone to think I'm a hypochondriac!  I mean, women find lumps all the time, right?!?  So, I kept it all to myself.  Probably not the best thing.  I read everything I could online, preparing myself "just in case", and pretended to myself, my husband and my boss that I wasn't worried. 

Luckily, one of my best friends called me on two separate occassions while I was at the doctor's office, and eventually insisted on knowing why I had appointments.  I felt foolish telling her, but in the end I was glad I did.  She showed up at my house the day of the biopsy and insisted on taking me (my husband works out of town alot), and on the day I went for the results, she showed up at the doctor's office, even though I told her it was a waste of her lunch hour!  That morning, I was super-sensitive... cried about nothing I could pinpoint. Looking back, I know that it was the anxiety of finding out. 

Seriously, as I sat in the exam room waiting for the doctor, I was saying (softly, but out loud), "it's not cancer; it's not cancer; I don't have cancer" like I was trying to convince the universe to change it's mind... but the little voice was going, "come on now... you KNOW it is; you have cancer; you'll fight it; yes, you have cancer, but you'll fight it." 

My doctor / surgeon was incredibly sensitive, and handled the whole thing in such a compassionate manner.  I didn't really break down until I saw my friend in the waiting room. I felt foolish breaking down in front of strangers, but don't know how I would've managed had my friend not been there to hug and comfort me.

Please be assured that even if it IS cancer, you WILL be okay.  You, too will fight it.  And you are NOT alone.  One of the scariest parts to me was that everyone I heard of with bc was over 40, in which statistically the chances of getting it dramatically increase.  I was the ONLY person I knew who got it in my thirties, and with no family history!  But you found this website earlier than I did, so you know that there are alot of us out here... to support, understand, vent to, and just to be there.  I know it's hard.  I know it's emotional.  Although I'm still new to this, I promise to be here, and I'm praying for you.

Dawn -

For some reason, I can't make myself get a wig.  I did, however, order a "fall" from tlc, to wear under my hats.  For now, I'm basically using bandanas and scarves, or walking around the house during the day (when I'm alone) bald.

My middle child, Caitlin, is super-sensitive and taking the whole cancer ordeal hard.  She joked alot about it when I originally told her, calling it "boobie cancer" and such, but I knew that this was her way of dealing, and as a family, we tend to use humor alot, so I was in no way offended.  Eventually she began talking about her fears and cried alot, and since then she seems to be better... the bald thing was very upsetting to her, though.  I think it makes it too "real".  That's why I let them go at my hair with the scissors, first.

I found out yesterday that some of the kids on her bus are referring to me as "ganster mama" due to the use of bandanas, so I offered to start wearing big funny hats at bus time.  Caiti is loving this idea, and reminded me this morning...so hopefully that'll help.  At least my teenage son, Billy and my baby, Kelsey, both seem to be handling it well, but they aren't dealing with the taunts either...  I'll let you know how the hat thing goes.

Started chemo on August 7...I'm 31 years old, have three children, ages 14, 10 and 6, a wonderful husband, the greatest friends on earth, no family history of breast cancer... and yet against the odds, I'm fighting the battle...

Rather long... but my story:

I found the lump myself (while sweeping bread crumbs out of my bra!) in mid-June.  It felt almost like a walnut.  The next day I looked up breast lumps on the internet, and must admit that I felt relieved that most likely, it was nothing.  I called my doctor, who saw me the next day, and she said she was pretty sure it was nothing, but didn't want to take any chances.  I had a mammogram and ultrasound done a few days later, and that's when the tiny voice started telling me that it was cancer.  Of course the ultrasound led to a core biopsy, which ultimately led to my diagnosis on July 7.  I kept telling myself that it was nothing... but that little voice never went away, and I guess that somewhere deep down, we always know.

I feel completely and totally confident in my surgeon, and he suggested a partial mastectomy (lumpectomy) with radiation as opposed to a mastectomy.  On July 15 I had the lumpectomy and a sentinal node dissection.  Everyone (friends, family, coworkers) kept telling me that it was good that I caught it early, and of course they all know someone who only had to have a lumpectomy with radiation, so in their opinion chances of me needing chemo were very low... except again, I just "knew" that chemo was in my immediate future.  Surgery findings indicated that there were microscopic traces of cancer in my sentinal node, but the margins of the lump were clear, and the cancer measured 2.5cm... Stage IIB.  I had just gotten my annual exam a couple of months earlier (seriously, at the end of April!).  How much bigger would it have been in a month... for the first time ever, I was grateful to be absolutely addicted to carbs...if I hadn't been eating that sandwich and dropped crumbs down my shirt...wow... scary thought.

Trying to be optimistic, I tried thinking "well, at least I'll lose a few pounds!"  I know that's awful, but really, I was trying to hard to deal with it with humor.  Unfortunately, my oncologist informed me that most people gain weight while  undergoing chemo and promptly busted my bubble on that one!!  So, great... now I get to lose my hair AND get fatter!  One of my best friends assured me that it would be okay... that they would all just call me Buddha!  I couldn't help but laugh.  I can so imagine people stopping by to visit, and rubbing my big 'ole tummy and bald head for luck!

My plan of treatment is 8 rounds of chemo, 2 weeks apart (4 Ellence/Cytoxan, 4 Taxotere), 7 weeks of radiation and then an oopherectomy. 

I had a port put in, and started my chemo on August 7.  The actual procedure wasn't as bad as I had feared, but after getting the Neulasta shot I had a severe headache that lasted for over a week.  The narcotics they prescribed for the headache caused nausea and vomiting... and basically it was a MISERABLE week.  There are days that I can't remember, like everything's all fuzzy, or I was outside my body or something.

I've since had one more chemo treatment, and this time I was only down for about three days.  However, everytime I THINK about getting it again, I get this horrible taste in my mouth.

This past Sunday, my hair started falling out in huge chunks... so, I let my kids go at my head with the scissors, then my husband shaved it all off.  I thought I was prepared for the hair loss thing... but turns out I wasn't.  I felt physically sick at my stomach when I'd touch my hair and these huge chunks just FELL OUT!  I'm not liking the whole bald thing, and my middle child is taking it pretty hard.  I'll save that for another time.

I'm sorry to be so long winded.  I was so excited to finally find a place where people can really understand what I'm going through, and just wanted to share my story.  (I also posted this in the Young Women's forum.)  I truly look forward to getting to know each of you as we take this journey... and my prayers will be with you all.

Jennie - please let us know how your tests go... I will say a prayer for you.