enjohnson

My mom was diagnosed in Sept '05 with stage 3b, HER2+. She has chemo, radiation, mastectomy, Herceptin and Tamoxifen. Just this past July, she had a small cough and after the tests,  we found she has mets to liver, lungs and bones, now perhaps her brain.  She is only 47 and I just had my first baby who she adores. He is 10 months old. It breaks my heart each time she holds him and it makes her so happy. He loves her and it klls me that he won't remember her. The doctor orginally told us 6 months, but things have gone so quickly, we haven't had a chance to process it. She is now in palliative care and though the last 2 days she has been a bit better, she is mostly not doing well. We took her in for constant diarrhea and abdominal pain and the bloodwork revealed that her liver is non functional. It is just so hard....my mom is my best friend and I can't imagine this world without her alive. Its so hard to watch her go downhill and though I know what's coming, I can't seem to accept it. I wish we knew a time frame, the doctor said it's "the end of the road", but what does that mean? Seeing her, I can't imagine it can be too much longer. We are trying to get her home again, because I think that's where she wants to be. Its difficult, because her chest cavity repeatedly fills with fluid and needs to be drained. My dad is also ill with a heart condition and he is just devastated. I am so worried for everyone. My little sister is only 20 and had a breast lump checked last week, They sent her for an ultrasound and now they are doing a biopsy. It just seems too much. I know you are never ready to say good bye, but is there something I can do to come to terms with it? It is hard, because Mom still seems to have hope or be in denial. I would never tell her that she's not going to get better, because you just never know, but it feels like we know something that she doesn't. I'm so sorry for rambling, I just need to get this off my chest. Thank you for reading this, you are all so wonderful and inspirational. God bless.