Jalapeno

I know I have the ears and hearts of all my friends and family, but they don't need to hear my true thoughts of fear, anger and pain. Nobody should hear what's really going on in my head, but I know I can't keep it inside again. I did keep it all to myself the first time I had to deal with cancer 23 years ago, and I was able to keep it bottled up. I was still young and independent and mostly stubborn. I had better things to do than to worry about the "what ifs". But now, I know I can't do this alone.

I went to for a yearly exam in June on a promise that I would. The lump I've felt in my right breast for the past year was felt by my doctor. She immediately recommended I go for a mamo which I did. That mamo lead to another along with an ultrasound. Then it lead to 3 biopsy's, the lump on the right (biopsy with ultrasound) and 2 calcification sites (stereo static) on my left. I had had 2 other biopsies on my left years b/4 and they along with this time were negative, but my right breast was positive.

I had to make some very serious decisions as I'm sure every woman in my situation has to make. Because I had Hodgkin's at 24 and radiation on the chest, I am not a candidate for radiation treatments for BC. Yes, they could do a localized area of radiation. There aren't enough stats for me to feel comfortable with, and if the radiation is just localized then my chances of developing BC in my right breast is still very high, so I chose mastectomy.

All with that decision, I had to now decide if the left side was worth saving. My own chances(%) of developing BC in my left breast was placed very high even though the 4 biopsies have come back negative. I chose to go with the bi-lateral.

My surgery was on Aug. 20th. The "Sentinel Node" was positive, so my doc. removed 15 lymph nodes from my right pit.

Tomorrow I return to work!

Oct 7th I have my first appointment with the Oncologist, and then I will have the un-anwered questions about chemo and me, answered. I hope!