Topic: Has anyone been in a long distance relationship?

I want the negative and positive experiences Jule and I appreciate yours. I like to "look" before I leap, so to say.  I'm trying so hard not to fall hard for her....

I met my husband while I was on vacation and he was on military leave. We lived over a thousand miles apart and corresponded via snail mail and telephone. We ended up married and have been so for over 18 years.

There are certainly issues with a long distance relationship, but the distance does make you focus more on verbal communication which is a real plus. The distance also sometimes makes it "easier" for someone inclined to be dishonest to do so successfully.

Be careful, listen to your gut. Something wonderful COULD happen! 

Amy, you and I are so very different, I know, so you may not find any value in what I have to say. Also, I've never been in a long distance relationship, and that is your original question. So what the hell am I doing here?

I just want to say that, if I were in your situation, I'd make every effort to stay open to the possibility of its working out in your favor. Having had cancer shows us that, without a doubt, this isn't a dress rehearsal and we have just this one shot at life. I say embrace it and see where it leads. You might have your heart broken but, to me, that's better than having it preserved and unaffected. What's the point of life, after all, if it isn't to love?

JMHO, FWIW......

~Marin

Amy, it was a hard thing for me to do.

I am not cut out for it. I think maybe for other people they could make a go of it, but I couldn't. He couldn't either.

If you need an emotional connection with someone and they are miles away, it can be tough.

But that is only my experience. I have heard of other people who have made a real success of it!

Good luck. 

So much insight from you guys!

Marin I like what you're saying about remaining open. That's sort of what my gut has been saying. What is fwiw?

Badboob, thanks for your experience. I think in fatuation at first sight is more likely and that in rare cases that grows to true, life long love.

Dottie, first and foremost, I think I'm way too broke to do the long distance thing, lol.

Iodine, what you said is exactly one of the things that's holding my heart back. I already had one failed relationship because of that.

ahhh i would have been guessing all day on that one.

That's funny methus! I've known couples who met online and moved in pretty far to be together. I am no NOT at the point of even thinking about that-- or rather I sometimes think, but perish the thought at this early stage.

Don't apologize Dotti-- if I wanted to just hear positive experiences, I would have put that in the title of the post. I'd much rather be realistic about things.

You know what, Amy?

I think it's a little like reconstruction decisions!  To each her own!

You have the advantage of experience -- you learned from your long-ago long-distance thing that one of the big pitfalls is "relating" to an imaginary person -- so you're not so likely to let this thing head in that direction.

But lust can be a good thing, too!  Especially after what we've all been through -- no wonder your heart (and probably other "bits" as they say in England!) are telling your head "don't tell us no -- we want this now"

Of course, that's scary too.

I've been in a longterm longdistance relationship -- and I treasure it.  Has its downsides, of course.  But before that I had a 17-year "local" relationship that included marriage, child and 12 years of living together -- the last 5 of which were just horrible.  Compared to that, I've gotten a lot of sustenance -- and a lot more sex!!!! -- from my 9-year longdistance relationship!

Best of luck to you, whatever you decide to try!

Trust is a big factor for me in LDRs. I know I'd never just up and move across country- I'm way too practical for that. Rock I met a friend online and "knew" her for a few years. She came to visit and we had a fling and it turned out I didn't know her at all, including the little and big lies you talked about. Distance had been a hard thing for me-- over the past five years my 4 closest and longest friends have moved out of state and it's hard to keep up with them, let alone a lover. If everyone wasn't in opposite parts of the country I'd consider moving.

Wow Skyrat-- that's a wonderful story. You're so brave to take that plunge. Did you go visit him before you decided to move???

I usually have a good bsmeter-- especially now that I'm on the alert.

You are so brave Skyrat. I admire your guts and williness to follow your heart (with your head doing the screening). I am in awe of you!

I was in a 4 yr long distance relationship.  My husband and I met at a mutual friend's home in Tennessee.  I lived in Tennessee at the time and he lived here in Atlanta.  We have been married now for 21 1/2 years and we have a beautiful 16 yr old daughter.  He has stood by me in thick and thin, and we have kepy our vows of richer or porrer, in sickness and in health.  He has been my rock over the last yr and a half and will continue to be my best friend long after this terrible ordeal is over.

I met my partner after I moved to Florida from VT in 2001. I didn't know a soul in FL so went online hoping for a few friends...and wouldn't ya know, met the love of my life. Coincidentally we grew up 15 miles apart...our childhood in MA, then lived 40 miles apart for about 20 years in NH and VT, then lived 60 miles apart in FL...we have been together since Oct. 2001, and now live in the Pacific NW. We communicated by email and phone for about a month before we ever saw each other face to face. Wonders never cease!

We live near SeattleWA now, our house in FL got hit by Hurricane Charley in 2004...we are trying to move back to New England but the real estate market is not what it used to be and our house has been on the market for a while. We did not like living in FL at all, VERY homophobic legally, although we never had any problems personally. How "long distance" is the woman you are interested in?