Even after being dignosed with breast cancer when I was only 35, I aways felt lucky because I had a great family, a supportive partner, my world was just perfect. Until last november when I had my reconstruction, the surgery was not as sucessifull as it should be and two days latter I had to have one of the implants removed. I lost muscle and skin of my chest, I was at the hospital for a month. meanwhile, my partner was at home cheating on me. My perfect world crushed. Now I am trying to find a cure for my heart. I need friends to talk to. What can I do to find a new partner? How can I explain to a new person the scars and deformity in my body? How can I feel sexy again?
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AnnNYC Joined: Aug 2007 Posts: 1480 |
Feb 13, 2008 04:12 pm
AnnNYC wrote:
hi Josie -- I answered you on the other conversation (about that Harvard study) -- I'm glad to see you started a thread yourself. That sucks SO MUCH, about your partner. You deserve to have had someone devoted to you -- but unfortunately, your partner couldn't be that someone. Unfortunately, others here have experienced something similar -- but not everyone, so there is hope! I think you'll feel sexy when you feel healed. You deserve to love yourself and aim at healing and feeling good again. I don't think you are deformed. I think you had lifesaving treatment that injured you and that you are still healing from. Cancer dealt you a blow, and your partner dealt you a blow, and that takes time to recover from. Seek out loving supportive people -- family and friends. When you are feeling better, I know you will find a partner who understands that life can inflict scars on everybody -- and scars do not diminish a person's worth. In fact, a person's life experiences and how she handles them enhance her worth. I know there is also grief and loss and fear. I don't mean to be glib. But you deserve to feel good again, and I think you are strongly reaching toward feeling good again, and I'm sure you'll get there. Best, Ann Dx 3/9/2007, IDC, <1cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/5 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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Raye99 Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 869 |
Feb 13, 2008 06:06 pm
Raye99 wrote:
Josie - I am sorry to hear about your partner and that you are hurting. Your scars do not take away from your beauty. I will not repeat what Ann said very well above; she is right. Have you read "My One Night Stand with Cancer" by Tania Kattan? Very very good book. She had some unfaithful partners (to whom she referred as "toxic girlfriends"). The book helped me accept myself for what I am now (no recon). Take care. Raye Dx 7/14/2006, IDC, 5cm, Stage IIb, Grade 3, 3/9 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- |
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Mary-Lou Joined: Nov 2005 Posts: 1353 |
Feb 13, 2008 06:50 pm
Mary-Lou wrote:
It is best that you found out about the true core of this person. It is only now that you can begin to heal and go on with out her. She would have let you down somewhere along the line anyway. She has that type of personality that sucks the very life out of you to make herself happy at your expense. You will know love again. Thank God for unanswered prayer. Most of the time it will be what was best for you anyway. It is her loss..... My MySpace URL: myspace.com/bcsisterhood
Dx 9/20/2005, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIb, Grade 3, 4/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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Obama4Presi… Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 2056 |
Feb 14, 2008 08:57 am
Obama4President wrote:
I agree with MaryL-- even though the timing sucked, I think it's better to know than not to know. What your GF did sucks-- she should have had the courage to just end it with you rather than cheating. If I were you I'd concentrate on loving yourself, not looking for a partner. You'll be at your best to find the right person if you're not actively searching for someone to validate that you're lovable and worthy than romance. I didn't have reconstruction after my bilateral and wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't see that my beauty has nothing to do with my breasts or lack there of. |
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Lovell Joined: May 2008 Posts: 7 |
May 29, 2008 12:42 am
Lovell wrote:
Hello, First of all don't think about a new partner. You need to feel better about yourself. I Had breast cancer 2002 and again 2007 being a fitness trainer was very hard for me because I did everything right. I Had to have Chemo treatment so I understand how your body can change. Some one will love you for the person that you are not the fact that you had breast cancer and your body has change. Everyone body will change at a point. Good Luck. Dx 3cm, Stage II, 0/17 nodes |
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