it seems like i am in such a hurry to do things these days and if i don't do them i get very upset, i really don't know how to explain it, i think its kind of like in the back of my mind i am scared that if i don't do some things or even new things then i won't ever get a chance to do them or won't be around to enjoy them, is this normal or am i losing my mind
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jerseymaria… Joined: Nov 2007 Posts: 446 |
Mar 27, 2008 08:40 pm
jerseymaria wrote:
i understand perfectly...when i'm down i just cry at the thought of not seeing my kids and especially my 2 very young grandsons...they're just about the only thing in my life now that makes me smile and feel happy. i don't think about doing things so much but not doing things, like why bother. somethings i start buying things with the idea that if i keep buying then i can't die. other times i think i should not buy anything at all ... even clothes ... cause i won't be here and there'll just be more stuff for my kids to get rid of with the house when i'm gone. i guess it's fear mixed in with depression but i can assure you that you're not the only won't who thinks these things. it's hard cause people just say oh don't think like that. well i just found out i have mets so why shouldn't i think like that. i don't know what the answer is sweetie, i'm just trying to get through day by day. hugs to you. Dx 2/27/2006, 3cm, Stage IIIb, Grade 3, 9/27 nodes, mets, ER-/PR-, HER2+ |
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basil16883 Joined: Dec 2007 Posts: 32 |
Jun 2, 2008 11:35 pm
basil16883 wrote:
I think about it all the time also and I still cry every time I talk about my cancer. I have 3 little girls and I feel doomed.... like the other shoe is going to drop at any time. Dx 12/11/2007, IDC, 1cm, Stage Ib, Grade 2, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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wallan Joined: May 2004 Posts: 2860 |
Jul 6, 2008 05:22 pm
wallan wrote:
Hey girls: You are not alone. I too have thoughts like that. Mostly, why bother? Why bother following thru on long-term plans? Why sacrifice for anything, waiting for the pay-off later, when I might not have later? And I don't even dare think about my son who is now 12. He was 7 when I was dx and I couldn't even bear the thought of not seeing him grow up. And I too have ordered magazine subscriptions for 3 years in advance thinking I won't die then because I have this subscription coming... Also, things like finances. Why save? Why worry about paying off debt? Why? Its all paid off when I die anyways. So I might as well live it up. I have to talk myself out of these thoughts and convince myself I will beat this. Some days I do convince myself. In fact, I have gone two or three weeks thinkiing this. But mostly, it is day to day convincing... It takes alot of energy. I wish I could just let go and not worry about it at all. Sometimes I can convince my self of this. Sometimes. Wendy A Dx 3/29/2004, IDC, 6cm+, Stage IIIa, Grade 3, 2/18 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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andrewmom Joined: Jul 2008 Posts: 1 |
Jul 30, 2008 06:29 am
andrewmom wrote:
jbksmom, I feel the same way! I jsut found this site. Thought I was nearing the end of my journey- 8 months ago it all started 45 15 yr old in private school. Plays every sport- His own health issues. I have MS- I am sole taxi driver, etc. Found cancer in nodes, lungs and liver. Did all the chemo in winter/spring. Just had my 2nd surgery thought i made it to radiation. Got slammed again- Pathology showed precancer in breast- It will go- Pathology also showed cancer in blood vessels. I am back to square 1 next week- chemo again- I always feel everything needs to get done. I am now afraid it may not- I think its part of not having control! I dont think I am nuts! Patty |
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