Hi -
I was dx April 07 with IDC Stage 2 Grade 3 Triple Negative BC...I have had Chemo, Bilateral Mast With Expanders, Radiation ended Jan 27th....I have been trying so hard to get back to life....not normal - but different. I came out wiser and stronger...but I am struggling with what to do...I am still very tired and feel I need a nap each afternoon - that is hard with a 5 yr old son around....So I am dappling in a few things - beading, preparing for a 3 day walk and volunteering at my sons school.
Now , to the point...last night I asked my husband and sone for 30 minutes today to do a quick house clean up......he said he works all week and he sees no reason why he should have to help clean too since I am home all day and if I did a 30 minute clean up each day it would be done. OUCH - this stirred up a lot of emotion...I didnt even know what to say I was so mad and put in my place. He is a pretty thoughtful guy and has taken care of me well - but since I finished tx it is like he thinks things are all back to normal...it is not for me ny mind is spinning......
Thanks for listening
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lini57 Joined: Mar 2006 Posts: 3831 |
Feb 23, 2008 09:06 am
lini57 wrote:
Hmmm.... So who does the laundry, the grocery shopping, the cooking, the shuttling of the son to and fro, the homework monitoring, the bill paying, the waiting around for the repair guy to show up, the taking the car in for maintenance, etc?? New normal - Everybody pitches in around our house. If not, then get me a housekeeper. Or, we live in a pigpen. Your choice DH and boys. I didn't even have to go the chemo route and I'm still not what I used to be. Frankly, I don't feel like wasting my precious time cleaning and picking up after everybody anymore. I like the idea of your 30 minute quick house clean up rather than spending a whole Saturday cleaning up. The guys want their old lives back, so do we. But it ain't gonna happen. It's probably time to renegotiate the chores. I was a stay at home mom for 20 years, and it's easy to feel "put in your place" when you feel like your not contributing financially. Have you ever gone on strike? I used to do this every so often when I was feeling underappreciated. I would feed my kids and keep them clean, but would not pick up the dishes after feeding them, or do their laundry, or flush the toilet when they would forget to flush, or remind them to pick up toys, or make the bed, or have dinner ready for my DH. You get the picture. My DH was reminded of how much I really did all day long in between the soap operas and bon-bons. It usually only took a day or two and then he'd step up to the plate once again. Good luck and I hope you get some understanding. Have fun "dappling". You've earned it! lini I'm always steppin' in and out of crap!
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susieloutoo… Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 100 |
Feb 23, 2008 09:14 am
susieloutoo wrote:
lini - Oh how I loved you message! thank you so much!!! I have gone on strike but it has been YEARS....I should think about it again. I do do all those things you listed and I am only asking for 30 minutes. I just have to prepare myself to deal with the mess.... Kisses Susie Dx 4/11/2007, IDC, 4cm, Stage II, Grade 3, 2/8 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- |
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ead Joined: Oct 2007 Posts: 3 |
Feb 23, 2008 10:02 am
ead wrote:
I too understand what you are saying. My husband was the same way he said i was not acting the way he wanted to when going through chemo, please speak up right away you do not deserve that at all.The sooner you say somethin the better you will get more respect! Best to you Liz Ead
Dx 6/3/2006, Stage IV, Grade 3, 1/18 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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TerryNY Joined: Apr 2007 Posts: 610 |
Feb 23, 2008 11:50 am
TerryNY wrote:
Susie, I too am a stay at home mom, have been for about 20 years. It was a shock to my family to see me so fatigued during treatment but they are older and really pitched in. However, after finishing treatment I think they did expect me to bounce right back and be 'normal'...uh huh..ain't gonna happen. Someone posted this article from JohnsHopkins awhile back and I copied it and sent it to my family. Maybe you could print it out and share it with your husband. I'm going to try and link it: http://www.hopkinsbreastcenter.org/library/diagnosis_treatment/post_treatment.shtml Good luck! Terry
Dx 2/13/2007, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 3, 0/7 nodes, ER-/PR+, HER2- |
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susieloutoo… Joined: Sep 2007 Posts: 100 |
Feb 24, 2008 09:23 am
susieloutoo wrote:
Thanks! Liz - I told him how I felt yesterday - just needed some time - didn't come out very nice. He apologized - A LOT! I told him he needed to give me some grace! Terry - Thanks for the link - I have seen it and read it many times cuz I have a hard time understanding the lack of testing! I forward it to family and friends if the have any questions... Hugs S Dx 4/11/2007, IDC, 4cm, Stage II, Grade 3, 2/8 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2- |
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roseg Joined: Sep 2004 Posts: 7490 |
Feb 24, 2008 06:17 pm, edited Feb 24, 2008 06:19 PM
by roseg
roseg wrote:
You husband might bluster his way out of a 30 minute "pick-up" but I think 5 y/o son has no excuse. Tell him it's time to pick-up and turn the TV off until his work is done. If it's an issue with hard-working-hubby then do it before he gets home. You do him/you/potential wife no favors by not teaching him to pick up after himself. I know he's only 5, but it doesn't get better as they get older. It is NOT about you having had cancer and being tired - it's about something he needs to learn to do. You'll have to cook up some other way to get hubby to help. Perhaps all his things that he leaves strewn around could start dissapearing to odd parts of the house, as if to accent that he needs to take care of his own things. Rose
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