Hi I'm newly diagnosed stage 2, going into surgery mothers day weekend. How do I tell my mom who lives in another state and is an overly dramatic alarmist who will give herself a stroke? I am playing down surgery as something else. but chemo is visible, she will freak. thanks for any comments. she's 82.....
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suemed8749 Joined: Jan 2008 Posts: 306 |
Apr 26, 2008 03:38 pm
suemed8749 wrote:
Hi cureme1: Boy, I understand this question. I was diagnosed in January and didn't tell my parents who live in another state(92 and 86 - still healthy and independent, but my dad has high blood pressure and is a huge worrier) until I knew I was having a mastectomy and chemo (thought they'd notice I was missing a boob and bald the next time they saw me!) Anyway - I'm lucky in that my brother and his wife and daughter (who is an oncology nurse) told them for me, then I talked to them on the phone. They actually seem to be taking it well, though they seem to be shocked every time they call and someone here tells them I am shopping or out with friends or whatever. I know that "cancer" (the"c" word) has a different meaning for their generation, but my dad's sister had a mastectomy 35 years ago and is still alive, so I imagine that helps them somewhat. Good luck to you - hopefully, she'll be okay after the initial drama. I, too, literally thought my dad would give himself a stroke, but he's been out planting his garden this week, so I guess he realizes that life goes on. Best wishes - Sue Dx 1/15/2008, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIa, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ |
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cureme1 Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 11 |
Apr 28, 2008 07:00 pm
cureme1 wrote:
Hey sue Thank you for that your parents are older. Did I mention the sister and brother who are against hospitals, treatment and anything conventional? Put this is the pot and stir... can you say disfunctional? Anyway still planning the pre mother's day news.... |
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HKitty71 Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 84 |
Apr 28, 2008 07:24 pm
HKitty71 wrote:
Ok if you come up with a good answer please let me know. I have still not told my mother. We live 350 miles away and for some of the same reasons and many others. Love her death but just can not do it. |
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Jenniferz Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 242 |
Apr 29, 2008 01:47 pm
Jenniferz wrote:
I, too, have an elderly mother(86 then, 88 now) that I really dreaded telling. But, after that initial phone call, I came to the conclusion that these elder parents are alot stronger than we think. Yes, it rocked her world that one of her "chicks" had a medical problem, but she steadied herself quickly, and got down to the business of being "momma". My advice is that you should make your phone call, and be just as gentle with the news as possible. No, it's not the best way of delivering news such as this, but when there are so many miles in between, then it's the only way. Once they have gotten over the shock, I think you'll be surprised on how they do. They will worry (name me one parent that doesn't), and they will be upset. But, here's hoping that they cope, and become the strength you need when you need it the most. Jennifer Dx 4/28/2006, IDC, <1cm, Stage Ia, Grade 3, 0/13 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ |
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HKitty71 Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 84 |
Apr 29, 2008 01:55 pm
HKitty71 wrote:
Thanks I have to tell her tonight got pathology report back from the lumpectomy and well we are moving on to bigger and better surgery |
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cp418 Joined: May 2006 Posts: 1001 |
Apr 29, 2008 07:13 pm, edited Apr 29, 2008 07:15 PM
by cp418
cp418 wrote:
HI - I was in the identical situation as you when I was dx. How to tell my 79 yr old mother as there was no way to hide being bald from chemo. My mother lives nearby and sometimes drops in unannounced. Very difficult but I waited until I had the treatment plan in place with my surgeon and oncologist. This avoided her asking questions which I could not answer or would cause me additional stress with her getting upset. (If it were not for the hair loss I easily could have hid the lumpectomy and rad treatments and she would have been spared teh stress. There is simply no way to hide a bald head!) So once I knew when my surgery would take place and treatment schedule then I told her. Basically this is what my treatment will be and it is already decided by my doctors and myself. Keep it simple and brief as too much details actually gives them more information than they need to know. In the end you will be the expert on your bc. Best wishes Joann |
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Jenniferz Joined: Oct 2006 Posts: 242 |
Apr 29, 2008 08:29 pm
Jenniferz wrote:
Best wishes to you HKitty. Please come back and let us know how you are. Jennifer Dx 4/28/2006, IDC, <1cm, Stage Ia, Grade 3, 0/13 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2+ |
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suemed8749 Joined: Jan 2008 Posts: 306 |
Apr 29, 2008 10:19 pm, edited Apr 29, 2008 10:20 PM
by suemed8749
suemed8749 wrote:
Hkitty: Sorry to hear about your news. I, too, moved from lumpectomy to re-excision to mastectomy on 3/19. I hadn't told my parents anything yet, so my first news to them was the mast. cureme: So, I guess this means that your family will NOT be helpful in telling them about your situation??? Yeah, that does NOT help matters any. Good luck this weekend - hopefully, she'll do fine. Sue Dx 1/15/2008, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIa, Grade 3, 0/3 nodes, ER-/PR-, HER2+ |
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junie Joined: Apr 2003 Posts: 1398 |
Apr 30, 2008 01:34 am
junie wrote:
Calling my folks with my "news" was so hard. They were in their 80's...but during all my treatment, my mom and I became really close. Best wishes to you!! |
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HKitty71 Joined: Apr 2008 Posts: 84 |
May 1, 2008 06:07 pm
HKitty71 wrote:
Well I bit the bullet and went ahead and told her and it went better than I thought, though I have spent the last two days explaining everything over and over again. Now I am worried my house will be clean enough for her when everything gets underway. Moms the power they hold to scare us to death. Thanks so much knowing I was not alone in this situation really helped and you all really did give me strength, I do so appreciate that. Dx 4/3/2008, IDC, 2cm, Stage I, Grade 2, 0/3 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2- |
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