Topic: My Fellow Deletees and The Cyberbullied Sisters

Forum: I've Donated to in honor of.... — Thank you for your donation! Here is a forum to share with others who you're honoring with your donation.

Posted on: Mar 3, 2011 04:56PM

Posted on: Mar 3, 2011 04:56PM

1Athena1 wrote:

My donation is a pittance as donations go, but I hope it's a start.

Melissa, our moderator, informs us that making much needed reforms to BCOs automatic moderation features will cost the usual - time and money. Can't help with the time, but maybe a brass farthing here and there will come in handy.

May this fund help to create a place of safety and transparency for women and men who come here because of a grave illness and want to laugh and cry together about any topic under the sun in addition to cancer. May it be used to set up any such programming language, technology and personnel as might be needed to ensure that rules are clear, well understood and respected, that tolerance is shown and that self-policing features like the "Report this Post" buttom are employed wisely and not in the furtherance of abuse, bigotry, hatred and cyberbullying.

This forum belongs to all of us and it is what we make of it. Hopefully, we can help Melissa and others to create a system that is lightfooted but stealthy and simple but effective.

Anyone diagnosed with cancer should learn to have a healthy disrespect for statistics. Statistics are maths. It's the science which still eludes us. Dx 3/2009, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 3/8 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 5, 2011 10:47AM - edited Mar 5, 2011 10:53AM by Alpal

This Post was deleted by Alpal.
Allison Dx 7/2008, IDC, Stage IV, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 5, 2011 11:07AM marie5890 wrote:

Great idea! Athena. Just did my little part!

Jan '11 Biopsy Dx-ed a PASH tumor (rare, but benign tumor)....All I ask is for peace and serenity to the depths of my soul. Makes the rest of life more live-able.
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Mar 6, 2011 12:13AM CherrylH wrote:

Just found this thread. I will donate to the effort to weed out the deleters and in honor of Carolina kicking Duke's butt donight!!!

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Mar 6, 2011 12:25AM CherrylH wrote:

I've made my donation. Off to bed. Wishing everyone a good Sunday.

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Mar 6, 2011 07:17AM - edited Mar 6, 2011 07:22AM by apple

why did everyone delete their posts?  i just made a donation to get rid of deleters.  I guess it's going to take a while.

I could tolerate a few ads.

When I first discovered forums in 2001, I met a small group (under 2000) of piano lovers, players and dealers.  People asked advice for piano purchases, discussed the fine points of playing piano literature, shared recordings  and tips on how to fix and tune pianos.  Occasionally discussions would erupt. After our off-topic arguments took over the forum, a Coffee Room was created where we could debate, chat and all that entails without disrupting business.

We were a passionate  and intellectually vibrant group and the site's membership swelled  to maybe 30,000 members.   We loved politics, but after the election of George Bush the 2nd, the second time, all hell broke loose and the owner banned the lot of us as a group.

Some of us formed other forums and some stuck around.   Lasting friendships had been formed and  we still get together all over the country for recitals and parties.  Our post counts placed Piano World number 1 on the google map and finally our owner was able to live off of the revenue generated by the site. He had been a programmer and had lost his secure job so it was timely. 

This has nothing to do with breast cancer really, but  I learned a couple things from my years as moderator and member there.... I really didn't  need to argue with every tom dick or harry that had an opposing opinion, and  people are different.  Mindsets, values, personalities and interests  define them.   Somehow our 'groupthink' collectively agrees that snarkiness is unstylish and passe.  We've somehow abandoned the one-upmanship that was a hallmark of our discussions and embraced respect.   We've also learned to give people the benefit of the doubt... to consider something good about another, rather than something bad, when there is the possibility of doing either.  We have a collective civility that we are proud of and somehow convey to new members.  It takes a while for some people to absorb positivity.

 I took my daughter shopping yesterday and we were eating inside a McDonald's. This obviously homeless dude wandered and asked me for 50 cents.  He was mildy retarded and dressed in filthy clothes.  He had gunkies around his mouth and an angelic smile on his face.  I gave him 4 bucks and all these guys looked at me like I was nuts.    The dude had fallen through the cracks.  Perhaps his mother was dead.  He didn't seem to live anywhere and no one cared about him.  A business guy asked me why I supported him and said he was just a drunk.  I told him I didn't think so, and shared that I had a lot of experience with drunks, having been a bartender, and also had experience with retarded people, having a dear brother.  If someone were to care for the dude, provide him a home and support I imagine he could be very useful and productive.  I am really tight with my disposable income and my daughter was blown away by the four dollars that left our family.

Heated debate is wondrously fun, but it is good to be mindful of people's feelings and such and not go out one's way to torment and verbally abuse people... to not get off on delivering a pointed barb or insult.  At Piano World we somehow share a 'groupthink'  sense of respect that does not sully the home we live in with negativity.

BCO is such a wonderful site.  People receive hope and information here, their fears are calmed and their questions answered.  They are comforted and wrapped with love when and if they pass on.

I can imagine the deleters gleefully clicking, perhaps in accord..... dummyheads

peace and love, apple - ..... Mary Magdalen Dx 4/10/2008, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 4/9 nodes, mets, ER+, HER2+
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Mar 6, 2011 11:02AM Medigal wrote:

Apple:  We were asked to delete our posts so this thread could basically be just for people wanting to donate.  I had to laugh because you now posted paragraphs of stuff cause you have no idea what is going on.  However, you said you did donate, so I guess they will not ask you to delete.  They need to put something in the thread title if they don't want any other posts on here but donee posts.Just so you know.  Thanks for donating.

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Mar 6, 2011 09:15PM - edited Mar 7, 2011 10:10AM by 1Athena1

Bumping this thread now, and not on Monday morning as I had planned, as this may be my good-bye.

The activity continues (see  latest three posts of March 6 ) on "I say yes...." thread under this name). I no longer have access to the "edit" or "delete" buttons of those particular posts, which tells me that they have already been illicitly reported, but the banner saying "This Post has been removed by the community" has not yet appeared (there is usually a lag time; that is why I am still able to post). If I am correct, those notices will appear by Monday and I will be unable to post.

There is no value to any moderation fund if the people in charge are not fully behind the effort. If I am allowed to continue, I will delete this post and call for a donation, because there will be some hope in my own eyes. If nothing happens, this thread (and hence, this effort) will still disappear, as I will ask that all my posts on BCO be deleted.

Anyone diagnosed with cancer should learn to have a healthy disrespect for statistics. Statistics are maths. It's the science which still eludes us. Dx 3/2009, IDC, 3cm, Stage IIB, Grade 3, 3/8 nodes, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-
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Mar 6, 2011 09:50PM - edited Mar 6, 2011 09:52PM by Medigal

Athena:  What the heck is going on here??  I just reread your 3 posts.  You were giving your opinion of some method to help us understand what is going on and I think it was yesterday because Blue said she was going to bed but you could test the theory out the next day.  Yet today nothing was done about it.  WHO do you think is so concerned about your testing out your theory that they would delete your posts?  Also, why would Melissa allow them to be deleted?  You are trying to help us get to the bottom of what is happening here and she should welcome your help.

Here you are promoting us to give donations and Melissa would delete or ban you??  Makes no sense to me but lately nothing in this thread makes much sense.  I have purposely refused to donate anything to this thread until I see Melissa take some concrete action to show she is trying to help "us"!  So far I see nothing and kind people who care about the thread get deleted and or banned.  I will not put up with that kind of treatment to myself or people I feel are my friends from this thread.  I have said it before and I will say it again.  By Melissa's inactions, imo, she is helping the bad actions to continue whether she knows it or not.  I feel her first duty is to "us" and I am not the only member who has been wondering why she has not let us know what she is doing to "help" us.  If your posts are deleted "by the community" and Melissa does not see through what is going on here, I think you are wise in your follow up actions.  She should see through this and reinstate your posts immediately, if they are deleted.  Please give her a chance to see if she will do this.  If she doesn't, I don't think you will be the only poster she will loose.  Too many posters are fed up with getting no help with these inappropriate deletions and banning. 

Please hang in there until we see what happens Monday.  You are a very important part of our group, imo, and it would be a sad day for them to lose you.  Thanks for posting what is going on before you just leave us.  

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Mar 6, 2011 10:08PM 208sandy wrote:

Athena - Did you get emails telling you your messages were deleted?  I just checked and they don't show as deleted on the thread (I well know that it sometimes takes 8 hours for the system to catch up) - anyway I think you ought to send Melissa a PM outlining what you think is going on - it is the weekend and I know she generally doesn't check in over the weekend and that the computer automatically deletes when it gets the supposed 5 removal requests - not making excuses though as I am fed up with the deleters and their games.  Love that you set this thread up for donations but I am with Medigal - no money till I see some action on our behalf.

Hate that you're thinking of leaving the site - wish you wouldn't but I understand.


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Mar 6, 2011 10:30PM Alpal wrote:

Athena - if you've reached your 5 post limit, I don't think you'd be allowed to edit or delete.

Allison Dx 7/2008, IDC, Stage IV, mets, ER+/PR+, HER2-

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